Approximate reading time: 4 min
Written the 22nd March 2022
Respite
I haven’t cried
Not ONCE in three weeks
I haven’t zoned out eating crap
While binging on Netflix
I feel relatively weightless
Nothing to figure out or ascertain
Calm, relaxed
And relatively sane
Simply watching the world
My own reality show
It seems pointless to worry
Where my life needs to go
All I can do is sit back
Learn to chillax
Take each moment of happiness
Accept all the cracks
In myself
In the world
In everyone I see
Let go of trying to understand
Everything so perfectly
Feeling connected once again
(It’s been a long while)
Gratitude streams through my core
Leaving me beguiled
Appreciation for those random
Simple, small things
Listening to the birds waking up
As they start to sing
Or the beautiful cherry blossoms
That I walk past every day
They fill me with awe
They take my breath away
I’ve spent whole weekends painting
Such absolute bliss
(So grateful that I even
Have the time for all this)
Because if I was married with kids
And also trying to heal
I can only imagine how difficult
That reality might feel
And I’m so thankful that on Sunday
For the very first time
(After years of meditation)
My breath finally
Fell into line
During yoga I was conscious
Of watching my breath
I was one with the process
I wasn’t stuck in my head
It’s this feeling of assuredness
That’s slowly oozing out
Like I’m letting go of the need
To continually doubt
My thoughts
My beliefs
What feels good to me…
I don’t need anyone’s permission
To simply be me
I’ve also noticed that I’m often
Forgetting to take
My antidepressants
(Not on purpose)
Perhaps a subconscious mistake
I feel like my body is saying
“Maybe it’s time to let go
You don’t need these drugs
To help you feel whole”
So, I’ve halved my dosage
So far, so good
No trepidation about being sucked
Back into the blackwood
Because let’s face it …….I will
At some point in time
Isn’t that the way things go
In life’s pantomime
But at this very moment
I know I’ll be okay
I’m confident I can handle
Whatever life throws my way
Written the 23rd March 2022
Happy Tears
Today was amazing
Teaching at a church school
In the loveliest of classes
Although I was warned they’d tomfool
So, I made the decision
To pre-empt their horseplay
I took the time to greet
Each child and say ‘hey’
As they entered the classroom
Everyone got singled out
I introduced myself
I asked them something about
Themselves and their lives…
Just a little time to connect
It was so funny to see the
Disarming effect
As the children stared at me…
Is this teacher insane?
Why is she talking to me?
What is her game?
But they sat down quietly
They were relaxed and tranquil
I didn’t have to raise my voice
Their behaviour was impeccable
Even the teaching assistant
Was utterly amazed
“I can’t remember them EVER
Being this well-behaved!”
And honestly it felt like
Such a beautiful breakthrough
Seeing the power of connection
A simple
“I see you”
And as I left school and travelled home
Floating on cloud nine
I got an email from the university
About my application online
It was accepted
I’m going to do my master’s degree
In the Research of
The Attachment theory
And as I sat on the tube
Tears streaming down my face
Happy tears of joy
And gratitude interlaced
Just so excited and hopeful
Like my heart might explode
Filled with eager anticipation
For the next step on my road