Approximate reading time: 7 min
Happy Easter!
It’s been a great week.
It’s currently school holidays and I have been dog-sitting Jersey again.
Good grief, I love that dog.
Jersey will be your absolute best friend and then suddenly turn around and snap at you for no apparent reason. The second, after she has snapped, she is filled with contrition and climbs all over you, trying to lick her way to forgiveness.
It’s super sweet, really.
They have done scientific studies showing how dogs can also be highly-sensitive, and in my humble opinion, Jersey would fall perfectly into that category.
(Even down to her hyper-reactivity to loud sounds or sudden movements)
Jersey gets so happy and overly excited, to the point that she then gets completely overstimulated and she lashes out, despite her genuinely loving nature.
The poor little thing just can’t help herself.
This time around, Jersey seems to have fallen in love with my friend Surjay, who lives up the road from me. Surjay often joins in with my dog walks, and I am incredibly grateful for our friendship, which has developed over the last 11 months. He has become a permanent, supportive fixture in my life, and I am beyond thankful for him. We walked into the house one day last week and Jersey was doing her usual ‘hello’ to me.
(Which involves a shit load of licking)
Surjay jokingly passed the comment that he was jealous and I swear to God it’s as if that dog heard him! Jersey spent the next 10 minutes giving him a tongue bath and since then she simply will not leave him alone.
It’s hilarious trying to keep her off him….and watching all her covert manoeuvring as she tries to stealthily creep over me so that she can get back into his orbit.
I think it’s fair to say she is mildly obsessed.
Random not-well-known information: I have been on a childminder app for almost a year and a half now. I had so much success when I joined the dog-sitting app 3 years ago that I thought I would just give it a go.
I currently have two regular families that call on me when they need help, whom I connected with through dog sitting. Although I adore their children, both families only really need me a couple of times a year. My hope with joining the childminder app was that I might find a few more families to connect with and hopefully build a few more permanent connections.
(My inner soul, the nomad that it is, continually longs for a little more permanence in my life.)
So, when I started out, 16 months ago, I was very hopeful.
During that time, I have had exactly 13 jobs.
It’s not for lack of trying, mind you.
In the last 3 months, especially, I have consistently applied for about 6/7 jobs a week, and I rarely get accepted for any of them.
It has been a bit of a head fuck, If I am honest.
Silly me for presuming that 25 years of teaching experience would make getting these jobs a bit of a cinch.
Of the 13 jobs that I have done, 11 of them have been amazing. I have absolutely loved my time playing with the children; the parents have left me glowing reviews, and yet, still, I haven’t had a single repeat booking.
I am not going to lie, it has felt a little heartbreaking at times….
My neurotic side often falls down the
‘What-the-hell-is-wrong-with’ me hole?
(It’s like online dating- rejection all over again)
I mean, I have the experience, my profile is well written, I think it’s warm and engaging
(Apparently, I have a way with words.)
and I have a handful of truly lovely reviews.
Hell, what’s not to like!
I would hire me!!!’
The only conclusion that I have been able to come up with is that perhaps my age and my experience, rather than being the selling point that I thought it would be,
might actually be a deterrent for many younger mothers.
It’s been a bitter pill to swallow.
But I have continued to apply for jobs because, as frustrating as the continual rejection is, my logical head knows that somewhere out there, there are warm, open-minded, empathetic parents looking for a warm, empathetic childminder and who won’t be intimidated by my age or my experience.
Sometimes, you just have to keep knocking on doors.
This week I got a job working at a house that is two doors down from my old flat in beautiful little Venice.
All the flats on that one street share a huge communal garden.
My old garden.
I got to spend 4 hours with Charlie, the most adorable, highly sensitive 5-year-old, playing in my beautiful garden that I have missed so much. Charlie adores flowers, so we went on a flower hunt trying to find as many as we could. His joy and delight at how beautiful the flowers were was just too precious for words. At one point, we were crouched down looking at a small flower when Charlie suddenly said,
“Gayle, I can hear birds! Listen!!!”
That morning I had edited the poem posted below, and it all just felt a little bit surreal, really.
Charlie loved me.
I loved Charlie.
Charlie’s parents were very excited that I was a teacher and requested that I come back more regularly.
This week I have been there twice already and I have another two bookings coming up.
I found a lovely family and, as an added bonus, I also get to enjoy the garden that has brought me so much peace and healing over the last couple of years.
So, at this moment in time, I am feeling incredibly grateful
that I persevered.
Written 30th April 2022
Stepping out of the haze
It’s been a good week
I’ve been proud of myself
I’ve had lovely days at school
All has been well
I’ve been thinking a lot
About the weird progression
Starting in 2011
With my tree-loving obsession
It began right after
My father passed away
It’s like I woke up to trees
So beautifully on display
How’d I gone 36 years
Without noticing them
Had I been so shut down
By my internal mayhem
I hadn’t noticed their beauty
Their permanence
Their strength
How had I waited so long
To make them my friends
It’s slightly amusing
How could I not have seen
This beauty that has always
Been right in front of me
Then during covid lockdown
Another recognition dawns on me…
Flowers!
Oh my God, flowers
Are everywhere I see
How had I never taken
The time to look down
At our world’s ornate
Styled decorative crowns
How had I never noticed
Their lavish and intricate detail
Had I lived my whole life
Under a translucent veil
I currently have hundreds
Of photo’s on my phone
I have an obsession with flowers
I can’t leave them alone
And now that we are here
In 2022
(Yes, you guessed it
There is again something new)
Noticing Mr Robin, two weeks ago
Was like a floodgate opened
Birds are now in the show
I wake up in the morning
Listening to their songs
I hear these things tweeting
All day long
As I lie in the bath
It’s like they are calling to me….
“Come to the garden
We are playing in the trees”
Then, lo and behold
This week
Squirrels have been born
I’ve seriously never seen
So many in my garden before
How could I not have noticed
Did I just never look up
These adorable little critters
My very own glee club
As they run round in circles
Chasing each other in the trees….
Playing hide and seek
In the cool springtime breeze
This progression of awareness
Has been a slow process for me
It’s taken me ages to open
My eyes and start to see
The small things I’ve taken
For granted for so long
To start connecting authentically
To nature’s theme song
And when I have children one day
I promise myself, I vow
That I’ll strive to connect daily
To this beauty
(Somehow)
They aren’t going to spend half their life
In a disconnected haze
I want them to grow in harmony
With nature every day