Approximate reading time: 13min
Wednesday 16th July
It has been another week of coughing, so I haven’t been able to teach much. I tried to go back to school yesterday, but by the end of the day, I had no voice, so alas, today has been another day off, trying to rest.
On the plus side, though….emotionally,
I feel amazing:-)
I have time to work on my dissertation, I’m catching up on sleep,
and all of a sudden I am infused with an insatiable desire to write.
I have said this before, and I will say it again.
I was born to be a lady of leisure!
If only I had been born without a conscience, then I could have quite easily married some nice, rich man whom I didn’t love, wasn’t remotely attracted to, and lived happily ever after.
Dam, sociopaths have it good! 😉
I think what is helping a lot at the moment is that I have quite a few teaching job prospects on the horizon, which keeps me focused on ….
“This won’t last forever”
I feel really grateful to have built up some lovely connections with certain people at my various teaching agencies, who are always thinking of me when new jobs become available.
I mentioned two weeks ago that I had another job interview lined up last Friday, which I went to, even though I had been off for most of the week. I barely had a voice, and my usual rather high-pitched, somewhat child-like tone was replaced with a husky, gravelly voice that made me feel infinitely more grown-up and sexy!
(Not that sexy is what you are going for in an interview….but you know what I mean.)
I will admit, after my last interview experience, I have been mulling over what to say and what NOT to say in this next one.
Part of me has been very adamant that I shouldn’t say anything about my anxiety in future.
It doesn’t define me as a person.
It doesn’t stop me from being a good teacher.
I mean, let’s face it, we don’t live in a world that values any show of weakness.
I had the words
“Fake it till you make it”
swimming around my head…..and I had absolutely no idea which way I should go with it. I ended up doing what I usually do in these types of situations when I can’t make up my mind.
I decided to just cross that bridge when I got to it.
So, I turned up at the interview and met the Head teacher and Deputy head, who were both really lovely. They told me all about the school and the specific role they were looking to fill, which is a 3-day-a-week teacher role.
(It is a small nursery with only 60 kids in one huge open plan room)
A lot of their thinking about childcare aligned with my thoughts, which is always lovely to hear. After they had finished filling me in about the school and their mission for it, the head teacher turned to me with a lovely big smile and said:
“Now, tell us ALL about yourself.”
In the not-too-far back of my mind, I heard Neurotic Angel’s muffled screams:
(FYI: I had bound, gagged and muted her into black and white before the interview)
Shit!
All?
No, not ALL!!!
DON’T ENCOURAGE HER!!!!!
I paid her no heed.
I was open and honest about my struggles with anxiety and how it has led me on this path of learning and self-discovery. I spoke about my attachment studies, I spoke about the highly sensitive child and how passionate I am about raising awareness for these children, but at the same time, helping them to become more resilient.
We had such an amazing chat, which lasted about 40 minutes.
I came away from the interview feeling calm, relaxed, and like I had been able to just be myself. I got a message from my agent that they would love me to come in for a trial morning on Friday
So, I am excited to see how that goes.
Sunday 20th July
So, I had the nursery trial morning on Friday, and then after that, I had an interview at another school to discuss a special needs position that they have just opened up.
What can I say about my trial morning?
Um, no, thank you.
I didn’t have a horrible morning….there were enough adults supporting the children, and they were friendly and helpful. I have taught nursery with 4 and 5-year-olds before, and I have always enjoyed it. But this one had children with ages ranging from 2-4, and shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit there was A LOT going on. As adorable as the little angels were, there was just way toooooo much kiddy energy for me.
There was also quite a high number of special needs kids in the class
(Which I had been warned about)
that unfortunately, only added to the mayhem.
I realise I haven’t actually done a lot of work in younger nurseries before –
(Maybe this is what they are all like?)
But it is definitely not for me.
I just didn’t feel like a teacher…
I felt like a baby sitter who didn’t have enough hands.
So I set off to my next school.
When the agency originally spoke to me about the role, I got the impression that it was a role working with SEN children from year 1 to year 5. Almost like a floating position supporting TAs who were working with these children.
It sounded perfect for me.
The job was over an hour away from home, but it was only a half day, and I was told that the school would be open to a flexi-start time
(If I could cut out that early morning rush, and miss peak hour tube time – my life would be infinitely better)
I was also told that they could probably negotiate and get my current daily rate for half a day’s work.
BONUS!
I was very excited and agreed to meet with the head teacher and find out more about the position. When I got the confirmation email for the interview, I was a little disappointed to see that the role was actually teaching a SEN class of 11 pupils. Had I realised that in the beginning, I would have probably said no. You need an INORDINATE amount of patience working in SEN full-time. Although I can do the odd day or so of it …..after a couple of days my nervous system is shot.
(It’s about as much fun as a room filled to the brim with 2-4 year olds)
But it was half a days work at the same rate,
With a flexi-start time
So, I decided to just go meet the headteacher, see the school and who knows…..
Carpe diem!!!
(Plus, it was more interview practice!)
I arrived at the school and the head teacher, who didn’t look a day over 40, came and asked me if I wouldn’t mind waiting a little.
Not a problem.
I’m cool!
I’m chill!
While I sat waiting, I got to see her engaging with another staff member in the hallway and a small alarm bell rang in my head.
It wasn’t anything big – it was a slight tinge of dismissiveness, wrapped up with a small dollop of haughtiness.
After a 20-minute wait, I was shown into an office that had a huge rectangular table and the head teacher indicated to the chair right at the end of the table and said.
“Sit there”
My inner child part, Mara-Kares, who has a distinct dislike for being told what to do…bristled.
She did NOT just tell me where to sit?
Surely, general etiquette dictates that you invite people to take a seat.
(But I reigned Mara-Kares in!
I reigned her in, people!!!)
I sat down dutifully and smiled.
Both the head teacher and the deputy sat down on either side of the table, a couple of chairs down, facing me.
It didn’t feel particularly warm or friendly…..it felt a bit like an interrogation.
The head teacher then asked me if the agency had explained what the role entailed, and I admitted that I was a bit confused about it and would like to know more.
If looks could kill.
She was clearly not impressed and commented sarcastically:
“Oh well, that’s helpful”
She then proceeded to briefly rattle off what the role entailed for about 60 seconds flat. She seemed almost annoyed that this hadn’t been explained properly to me, and like she was now having to do something that was beneath her.
I will admit – I didn’t hear a word she said.
I completely zoned out….all I’m thinking in my head is
Find the EXIT!
When she finished telling me about the role, they both sat staring at me.
Shit …am I supposed to say something?
What do they want me to say?
I hit a blank.
She rather irritably says:
Well???
Is that something you would be interested in or not?
(“NOT!
NO way!!
Get me outa here!!!!!!!!!”)
Fuck this felt awkward – why so much hostility, chick?
I then said the only thing that any normal person, who DIDN’T WANT A JOB, could possibly say. I mumble that I would need to do a trial day first to see….
Of course, I had absolutely NO intention of doing a trial day, but Neurotic Angel who had broken free from her restraints, was now back in full colour and running the show.
I could hear her cautioning me:
“Good grief, can you imagine how pissed she is going to be if you say you aren’t interested straight away? The interview hasn’t even hit the 5-minute mark yet!”
The now clearly exasperated head teacher says:
“Well, of course, it’s not like we are going to offer you the job today!”
God, she is rude.
I suddenly feel my ‘fight’ kick in as Mara-Karez jumps into the ring and takes the reins away from Neurotic Angel.
(Dam, I’ve grown to love that part of me)
“Toughen up – ask some questions, you can do it!”
I realise I am still not completely understanding this role because it sounds like a full-time class teacher position working with kids from year 1 to year 5….but they are only looking for someone for half a day?
So, I ask if this is a support centre that the kids go to at different times of the day. They both say NO at the same time, and I now truly feel like a special needs child who just can’t do the math problem.
The deputy head teacher then says.
“This is a full day of teaching with a SEN class.
You will do the register with them.
You will sing their good morning song.
You will supervise free flow.
You will do phonics with them.
You will do maths with them….
You will take them to lunch….
You will do afternoon activities with them.
You will dismiss them.”
“Umm….is she intentionally being condescending?!!?”
In my head, I am still confused as hell, because this is a HALF a day teaching post…did she not just rattled off a full day of teaching?
What am I not getting here?
Maybe I looked confused.
(I am pretty sure I did)
Maybe I looked annoyed.
(There is a slight chance I might have)
I ask
“But if this is only a half-day job, who is going to teach the kids for the rest of the day?”
The head teacher responds:
“The TAs will ‘look after’ them.”
Lovely.
I wonder how the parents of these 11 special needs students would feel knowing that the school thought it was perfectly ok not to provide their kids with a full-time teacher.
Every inch of me wanted to get out of my designated chair and leave that room,
but Neorotic Angel, who has now crawled back into the ring,
implores me earnestly:
5 minutes
We need to hit the 5 minutes mark …AT LEAST!
Make it last just a little longer!
I decided to inquire about the flexi-time….and the head teacher asked what time I would be able to get in.
She doesn’t look impressed that I want to come in later, even though this was one of the main perks of the job for me.
I say :
“Well, probably about 9.30. I live an hour and 10 minutes away, so this would help cut out that early morning traffic!”
She looks at me with a look that sums things up perfectly.
She is NOT the least bit interested in my travel woes.
(I feel like an entitled, lazy hobnob.)
I am flashed a polite smile and she says:
“Well now, we have got a lot to think about, then don’t we.
We will have a chat and then let the agency know”
And then she stands up.
The interrogation Interview is over.
I couldn’t get out of that office quick enough.
I think it is safe to say the interview did not go well.
I think they failed horribly.
Frankly, I wouldn’t work in that school even if they offered me triple pay.
On the journey home, I was slightly amused by my fawning response,
which is clearly still alive and well, rendering me completely incapable of simply excusing myself from a room when I don’t feel comfortable. That being said, I didn’t go into bubbly-ultra-people-pleasing mode – so maybe that’s a slight improvement.
(I think so!!;-)
I also thought about how different these two interview experiences had been.
Like chalk and cheese.
I found it almost comical that this second head teacher seemed to have no interest whatsoever in actually getting to know me. She made no attempt to build rapport. There was no genuine curiosity about my background or any exploration of my motivations or aspirations. Instead, it felt like I was simply being summed up, weighed and measured to determine if I was the right person for HER job.
What it feel like she missed is that an interview, at its best, is a two-way process; a conversation where both parties assess and share information to see if they fit. It seemed to delude her that I was there to find out if this school was the right school for ME.
Alas, it was not!
