Approximate reading time: 6 min

It’s been a bit of an up-down week really.

On Tuesday I said goodbye to my lovely flatmate Richard who is going to India for 4 months. I can’t remember if I have already mentioned that he started a charity in Goa that organises volunteers to go and work and support local orphanages and schools.

(How amazing is that?)

Unfortunately, the downside of him being a fledgling saint is that I will have to survive without him for

A WHOLE FOUR MONTHS.

It’s tragic really.

For a while there I honestly didn’t know how I was going to cope without him.

(I mean Richard empties the dishwasher EVERY single morning!)

The prospect of having to start doing that myself loomed heavily on my soul.

Before Richard left I kidnapped his purple-knitted dragon Keida….as a keepsake.

(Or a would-be ransom to make sure that he comes back?)

(Isn’t Keida adorable?)

Unfortunately, as you can see, he is a little depressed at the moment.

Keida and I have formed an emotional support group and we are nursing our abandonment wounds together.

(Hurry Home Richard we miss you!! )

*************

On Wednesday a new flatmate, Teresa, moved in.

I have written quite a lot about my flatmates in the past and I have quite a few more poems written, that have yet to be posted.

Let’s just say living with strangers is always an experience.

It can be heaven or it can be hell.

That being said, I have learnt A LOT through the last 28 years of sharing with random individuals.

I think, my absolute BIGGEST lesson has to have been

I am of course using the term ‘gut’ figuratively to describe that instinctual feeling or sensation you might get when you initially meet someone. When your body decides if this is someone you can feel safe with or not. I realise that most people don’t live in this heightened state of arousal whenever they meet new people, but after years of not listening to my gut, and getting burned, this is where I now find myself.

Luckily, I have started to understand this more over these last couple of years.

The simple truth is that when you grow up with a parent who is controlling and your emotional boundaries are continually blurred…you don’t learn to listen to or trust your own feelings or emotions. Learning to ‘trust yourself’ is a skill that is modelled by healthy, happy, intuned parents who ultimately trust themselves. I am by no means blaming my parents because as I have said numerous times before, they could not emulate what had not been modelled for them as children.

(And so the cycle continues)

Looking back over my life I realise how many times I allowed people into my life that initially I might have felt a little nervous or uneasy about. Usually, these were perfectly normal, friendly people so I would subsequently attempt to shake off ‘the feeling‘ and give myself a good talking-to.

I would criticise myself for being too judgmental and too picky.

I would remind myself that the person in question had given me absolutely no reason not to trust them.

I would promptly ignore the feeling and label myself as too sensitive

and then I would accept them with open arms.

I am happy to report that these days I do no such thing.

I have decided that I am quite okay with being oversensitive.

I am perfectly happy being judgmental,

critical

and making snap decisions

about people

as long as my body feels safe and happy.

(And only I can decide if it does)

These days the most important thing that I do whenever I meet a new person is

I listen to my body.

Bless him, Richard was very patient with me this last month as I routinely said “No” to numerous perfectly ‘OK‘ potential flatmates. I can’t tell you how lovely it felt to have him just understand and accept me without feeling like I needed to rationalise and justify my decisions all the time.

The truth was I couldn’t explain it to him, and I was so incredibly grateful that I didn’t need to.

When Teresa applied to our advert she was living in the Philippines so we couldn’t actually meet in person and we had to have a Zoom call.

Within 2 minutes of speaking to her, I felt my entire body relax.

That was all I needed.

There was no tightness in my chest, there were no voices picking apart what she was saying or judging me for over analysing everything.

I was calm and saying yes to her felt like the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

Spending time with Teresa this week has been absolutely lovely. It’s a little uncanny how much we have in common.

(Even down to our love of Dr Ramani).

Our conversations flow and we laugh easily together.

Teresa is an incredible portrait painter and turned up with a beautiful picture she had painted from one of my old Instagram photo’s.

I was so touched to get such a thoughtful gift.

(Not a wrinkle in sight! I love it:-)

So at the moment, I am incredibly grateful that I have managed to find TWO wonderful people to share my home with.

See, even Keida seems to be coming out of his depression.

It feels pretty great to be getting to this place in my life where I am starting to trust myself more and where I am more consciously aware of who I allow into my space.

Please note that I am not suggesting for one minute that all those ‘uneasy feeling people’ be lumped into a

“Never-going-to-talk-to-you-box!”

What I am saying is that these days I am a lot more cautious.

When I meet someone and I notice my chest tightening up or I find myself shutting down a little bit, I pay attention.

I take things a little slower.

Sometimes after a longer period time has passed I might realise that I’m not comfortable being around them at all, so whenever possible, I keep my distance.

It has been rather liberating for me to realise that I dont need to be friends with everybody and I definitely don’t need everybody to like me anymore.

On the other hand, I might find that my initial ‘gut’ reaction was completely and utterly wrong!

And that’s ok, as well.

All I can say really is that listening to my gut

and erring on the side of caution seems to be working well for me.

So I think I’m going to stick with that!;-)