Approximate reading time: 4 min
Written 15th May 2022
Lo and behold
It has to be said
After 3 months of diligence
My determination is dead
I’ve been trying desperately
To finish a dam book
On my study reading list
(Lest it not be forsook!)
But now I’m DONE reading
I seriously had to stop
Two more chapters to go
But it feels like a crock
Following someone else’s ‘plan’
On how I ‘should’ heal
Listening to their words
On what I ‘should’ feel…
As the author explained
How long their healing took
So to help ‘us’ save time
They wrote ‘us‘ this book
Which in my mind
Is laughable
They seem to miss the whole point
Healing and time
Are intricately conjoint
But it seems we live in a world
Addicted to a quick fix
We’re all so desperate to find answers
So eager for a ready-mix
That will solve all our problems
Help life be less hard
Find that person with the magic
To heal all our scars
But it feels like my inner child
Has FINALLY jumped up to say
“Enough, enough
Please, put it away
I’m so done listening
To other people’s points of view
How I should live my life
What I should do
Why did I ever
Ever think it was OK
To give away my power
Like this every single day“
For years I’ve hooked
Into other people’s words
I’ve run to others
So desperate to be heard
I’m so conscious of how
I yearned for so long
For other people’s validation
To help keep me strong
I needed others to see me
To somehow verify
To try help me decipher
Some meaning for my life
I know I was only doing
What my inner child needed to do
For her to survive and feel safe
To simply make it through
But looking back I now realise
How I gave my power away
Often to unhealthy people
Who enjoyed having their say
Who loved having that control
But could often lash out
When I didn’t stay in line
When I expressed some doubt…
To their way of doing things
If I didn’t agree
Or if I showed up with a hurt
(Slightly angry part of me)
But from this place where I am sitting
This very moment now
I am grateful for every experience
Of EVER being disavowed
Because every friend who cut me out
Who simply walked away
Who decided they no longer
Wanted to stick around and play…
Who left me feeling abandoned
Hurt and alone
Lost and flailing
Like I didn’t have a home
Was another step of healing
For my own mental health
Another step closer to me
Finally loving myself
Every heartbreak
Every disappointment
A much-needed reminder
I needed to find compassion
I had to learn to be kinder….
To myself as I made space
For the inner child in me
As I embraced the mess
The parts I didn’t want to see
As I started to slowly
Love them one and all
As I witnessed the emotions
That built up their inner walls
As I started to really look at
And understand their roles
I let go of the belief
That I was damaged and not whole
And this space that is left
Is simply filled with love
Compassion
Understanding
Genuine feelings of
Gratitude
Forgiveness
Grit and fortitude
There is nothing
Absolutely nothing
Else, I need to do
