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Ok let it be known I absolutely and undeniably love to dance!

My love affair with dancing has spanned over a 17 year period and has impressively lasted longer than any of my relationships. From a young gawky teenager who was so self-conscious that I absolutely refused to get on the dance floor, to a stroppy student who discovered the advantages of alcohol and then absolutely refused to get off it! House, grunge, Country, Adult contemporary, hip hop, punk rock, dub-step…..Thanks to the many varied boyfriends in my life I have had had the joy of experiencing it all…….

A little known fact: Dancing is actually how I met Midget, who would later become my dancing Protégé (Please note I taught her everything she knows…..)
We used to spend many a night shaking our booties at good old grungy Shepard’s Bush Walkabout …where your feet are permanently stuck to the floor and the men have considerably more hands than octopi…..but we didn’t care….we simply swotted the flailing hands and danced, danced, danced!!! (Undoubtedly some of the happiest times in Little Midgets life!!!)

Anyway, where was I? So as briefly mentioned in my previous blog I have made some wonderful friends since moving back to Port Elizabeth….only with one slight problem. They are all married, with 2 kids and unfortunately have little interest in burning up the calories on the dance floor, surrounded by 20 somethings and good old single me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t blame them, I personally get exhausted just watching them look after their kids and I’m pretty sure when I have mine (one day soon) my love affair with dancing will finally have to take a backseat. But as it stands I’m not married (yet), I don’t have kids (yet) and I still LOVE to dance. And so this has left me with this massive socializing GAP in my life…..I want to go out…I want to meet people but I don’t have anyone to go out with. These last couple of months the itch has got incredibly bad and as mentioned I have been downright miserable.

I often used to go out alone as a student, but as I have dismally bemoaned to my girls, Kelly and Bronnie:”I was younger then….” and “I knew everyone…..” “This is completely different!” “Its harder now you know…bla, bla, bla, Bla !!!”
(Yawn….Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!!!)

After doing my “Face your fears” speech I finally got the courage to get over myself, took the plunge and started going out by myself again! (What on earth took me so long…is now beyond me? But lets just say its been a liberating experience.)

Now I’m not sure if you have noticed this…..but I’m the type of person that is ALWAYS thinking! Some might call this continuous contemplation and self-defying introspection a curse but I have quite frankly come to love this part of me. Believe me, I used to hate it….but these days it amuses me more than anything that I am constantly analyzing things that so many people might just take for granted. I like to think it makes me a better person and it often gives rise to those wonderful :“AAAHAAA moments” when things just “click” and suddenly make sense to me.
I absolutely love those moments of clarity and it was on the dance floor one night that I had such a moment, (all-be it a frivolous one!)

Allow me to share:

Now as previously admitted I have shamelessly used alcohol for many years to, lets say, mildly loosen my inhibitions. I wouldn’t say that I obsessively drink but a prerequisite for me getting on the dance floor would usually be a couple of drinks before hand. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but for me, a person that doesn’t really drink at any other time, I have begun to feel like a bit of a sham! I have managed to let go of my reservations in so many different areas of my life these last couple of years. I have traveled the world alone, I have learn’t to put my thoughts out there without worrying (too much) about what other people will think of me, I can walk into a room and be completely and utterly my charming self …..all this I can do without alcohol (AND CIGARETTES!)….so why still the need to drink a couple of drinks before I get on the dance floor? And the question that haunts me…..am I a good dancer? Or am I just so “uninhibited” I just dont care???

I know of course that said,  I am not alone. Night Clubs are filled to the brim with people all needing alcohol to loosen up. There are however those few lucky people, Midget being one of them that are perfectly happy to dance without any such props. But what is it about dancing that causes the rest of us such panic?

On one such night out alone I was determined to try and figure this one out, once and for all. So I hit my local, Belize’s, equally determined not to use my dancing crutch, alcohol.
So I head over to the dance floor, to my usual spot…only to discover a group of about 6 guys were in MY spot. Not only were they, in MY spot.….but they were absolutely awesome dancers. (How any one can move that fast is beyond me?) Now I had to get onto the dance floor and dance next to the Justin Timber-lake/Micheal Jackson gang……the pressure was on. Needless to say sober as a judge I couldn’t do it and merely hang around at the back watching them in awe. (ok so I lasted about 15 minutes and then went and bought ONE beer) …..hhhmmmm…experiment was still on of course, you have to make allowances for the fact that I was OUT all by myself….(if you are single girl in a club without a drink, without a cigarette AND not dancing……men will simple assume you are there to be picked up…it was absolutely imperative that I looked busy! – OK so that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!;-)
So I returned to my spot with my beer in hand, and continued to watch JTM gang. Eventually they must have got my Telepathic signal that they were actually on MY spot and they moved! Very slowly trying not to look too conspicuous I edged my way onto the dance floor. I started dancing but then it hit me with absolute clarity why I don’t like dancing without my aid…..
a) My feet wouldn’t do what they were told.
b) I couldn’t find the beat of the music at all
c) I was overwhelmed by the glare of the spotlight that seemed to magically appear on me and the voices and laughter….. in my head were deafening!!!

I felt 15 years old again. This absolutely Sucked!!!

What to do….what to do? Well I wasn’t going home, so determined as ever I ignored the abuse my mind was hurling at me and kept on moving. After a while my gaze drifted over to the before mentioned JTM boys. The first thing that I noticed quite clearly was how some people seemed to be laughing or sniggering at these guys. There was even some useless man who came up to them and quite rudely started imitating them…. the teacher in me wanted to rush over and shout: “ Whats wrong with you people? Do you actually realize how talented these guys are…why on earth are you making fun of them?? Of course the real reason I got so upset was…”if they laugh at them…..how do I know they wont laugh at me?” I watched in fascination as the boys just kept on dancing obliviously choosing to ignore all their taunters. I was impressed and intrigued. One of the guys who was especially good kept on trying to dance with different women…..only to have them attempt to keep up with him for …..mmmm…about 2 minutes and then shrink off in embarrassment. At one point I watched him throw his hands up in frustration. (the curse of being an awesome dancer I suppose) Now it was at this point that a little voice in side me started thinking…”You can dance with him Gayle….Go on you can give it a go” I mean what better way to conduct my social experiment of dance than to throw myself into the lime light with the best dancer in the club…right?
So I very deftly idled my way, inconspicuously, over to their side of the dance floor hoping desperately that he would notice me and take the bait!

Eventually after dancing there for about 15 minutes and having absolutely NO luck in getting his attention. (clearly this time, the telepathic message was not going through) the voices in my head got louder and I heard Parnoid Angel begin to make her summation of my scientific experience.
“Gayle, Good dancer hasn’t noticed you…therefore YOU = bad sober dancer!! This is not fun. Lets go home!!!!”
It was was at this point the Common Logic stepped in with a roaring shout: “What?? You are giving up just like that? You haven’t even danced with the man yet? absolutely no ways are you quitting now you big baby!! I forbid it!!!”
(The great thing about me now, is that these days I very seldom allow Paranoid Angel to win an argument. As far as gremlins go, I doubt she will ever fade away completely but I’m sure as hell not going to allow her to call the shots anymore.)

So I walked straight up to good JTM dancer, said: hi I’m Gayle…you really should forget about trying to find a women to dance with …. do you want to dance?!!!

Now I’m not sure if I mention just how awesome this guy was at dancing…..but he was pretty amazing……I lasted about ….mmmmmm 2 minutes and then I started to feel quite uncomfortable. As hard as I was trying to keep in rhythm with the man…he had NO rhythm…he was the anti-rhythm of dance..and that just made me feel even more awkward and out of place.
After about 5 minutes of me hopeless trying to find and match his beat I exasperatedly implored him……” how do you move so fast- I can’t keep up”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was when he leaned over and gave me some enlightening advice: “Forget about the beat….just listen to your feet!” (no seriously….he did say that!) I’m not sure if it was the fact that he was a poet and didn’t know it…….or just because he was suggesting something that I hadn’t actually considered for a moment before. But I kinda had one of those AHAAAA moments. Could it be that I had spent all these years worrying about whether or not I was able to keep the beat when really, to be a good dancer means not really caring? Could it be I succumbed to the ultimate belief that if other people think I’m a good dancerwas then I am?
Honestly, it was like the gates of heaven opened and all of a sudden I was dancing in the absolute sunlight. Could it be, it had taken 17 years of mildly tipsy dancing for me to get to this point where I was actually able to dance and have fun without the incessant chatter of the inner voices. I must have danced with him for what seemed like 30 minutes but was probably more like 7 minutes before his dancing buddies pulled him away from me to the other side of the dance floor. I wanted to scream: ” Nooooo why are you taking the sun from me???!!!” but I managed to control the paranoia and just continued dancing to my completely new-found “anti-rhythm.”

And so I ended up spending the rest of the night dancing with a group of about 8 student pilots, having the absolute time of my life and absolutely no need for any more alcohol. Now how to give a visual? Put it this way…at times when I caught my self in the mirror…..my arms were flailing in something that remotely resembled the funky chicken and my legs were not too far off from a very bad ‘Forest Gump-Elvis’ impersonation. (I can see midget smiling now, as she has on rare occasion seen this hidden Gayle come out) Yes…..I have to admit….some people stop, many stare and some found it hard to stifle their sniggers…..but there was such a feeling of absolutely elation for me…..because for the first time EVER……I was dancing, I was having fun, I didn’t need alcohol (well maybe one beer) and I really and truly didn’t give a continental rats arse about what anyone else thought about me!!!

And that, is what I believe, is the true science of dance!