Approximate reading time: 13 min
About 4 years ago I published a blog post about how I desperately wanted to go to a Halloween House Party. I bought two second-hand wedding dresses in a charity shop in eager anticipation of the upcoming Halloween House Party that I had not yet been invited to.
My best friend Rachel, who was with me at the time mocked me SHAMEFULLY……
for buying said wedding dresses without having anywhere to wear them.
Her lack of foresight and vision in my manifestation powers was tragic, to say the least.
(It’s a wonder Rachel has managed to maintain best-friend status for soooooo many years. But it has been a great lesson for me in learning to accept people …FLAWS and all!! 😉
Unfortunately, neither of the wedding dresses fit me and they needed to be returned.
(Yes, I was heartbroken!)
Well, it’s taken four years but I finally got invited to a Halloween House Party!
(See Rachel….persistence is KEY!! I told you it would happen)
The only problem is I still didn’t have my wedding dress to fulfil my Gothic/zombie bride look.
I was secretly kicking myself for not being more vigilant throughout the last 4 years!!!
I got complacent people!
I knew my party was coming dammit all.
After trapesing around second-hand shops for a day I eventually conceded that I would need to give up the ‘wedding dress’ dream.
(Well for now anyway)
I ended up buying a cheap evening dress at Primark.
(Because when do I EVER get to wear evening dresses?)
Armed with my fake blood, face paints, PVC glue and toilet paper I think I did a pretty good job creating an awful bloody mess.
I had soooooo much fun!
I am not sure why I love Halloween so much!
Maybe it is the creativity that goes into it.
Maybe it’s the reactions and smiles you get from other people.
(Isn’t it funny how people feel more inclined to smile at you when you are covered in fake blood and pusy-looking wounds!)
Or maybe it’s just the one night of the year when I get to showcase what I feel like on the inside at times….
A morbid, shocking mess!
(Not all the time mind you! But she is in there!!)
So I wish I could say I had an amazing time at the party.
But alas I didn’t really.
If I had to choose one word to describe the night it would be ‘prickly’.
I’m trying to figure out if
a) I am just older and a lot less sensitive than in my younger years and hence a lot less worried about offending people.
or
B) the younger generation is just so much more overly sensitive and worried about offending people than when we were younger
I don’t know …the jury is out.
It would be highly unfair of me to judge a whole generation based on one party….but those are my thoughts.
I’ll give you an example of what I mean.
So I was sitting in the chill-out room with my friend and a guy was sitting next to me. I knew he was the husband of a girl I had chatted to downstairs so I thought it would be polite to say ‘hi’ to him.
After I has said ‘hi’ my friend leaned over and asked him how he knew Isabella
(The girl whose house party it was)
I thought it was a fairly straightforward question really.
(You know a simple icebreaker to get a conversation going)
His response back was:
Random married guy: “Umm well I can only really answer that question by asking another question.
How well do you know Isabella?
How much do you know about her lifestyle?
I can’t answer that question without outing her, which I don’t want to do.
It’s not my place to out anyone’s lifestyle choices.
And do you know what a ‘munch’ is?
I met her at a ‘munch‘
Needless to say, neither I nor my friend knew what a ‘munch’ was because we are not polyamorous.
(Which apparently a lot of the people at this party were.)
For all you fellow polyamorous virgins out there a “munch” is simply a casual social gathering for people involved in or interested in kink, BDSM alternative relationship lifestyles, or fetishes. But no BDSM, kink, or fetish activities take place.
I learnt a new word:-)
(Thank you Wikipedia)
I am pretty sure :
“I met her at a ‘party’ would have sufficed!“
Instead, I felt like we were embroiled in a really bad spy novel.
(And I dunno Random-Married -Dude but didn’t you just ‘out’ your friend in a long-winded kind of way?)
I mean surely life doesn’t need to be sooooo complicated?
Does it?????
I will admit the conversation pretty much died after that.
Who has the energy?
(Well three cocktails in, I certainly didn’t!)
But on the plus side I had a lovely chat with my friend,
I got to go to a Halloween House Party
and I got to play with fake blood!
(What more does a girl want?)
In fairness to myself and my manifestation powers…..I CLEARLY wasn’t specific enough when manifesting my Halloween House Party four years ago!
What I ‘should’ have requested from the universe was
I shall not make that mistake again.
And just to end off…..It appears that my manifestation power is sooooo abounding that I manifested a Halloween House Party for Rachel to go to as well.
How INCREDIBLE is THAT!!!
(I will make a believer of her yet!:-)
Written the 1st March 2022
Jupiter
I signed up with an agency
To start looking after dogs
This past weekend
I had my very first job
I was so excited
I honestly couldn’t wait
(I think I might miss pets
More than I miss dates)
His name was Jupiter
He had long spindly legs
He was house-trained of course
(Well, that’s what they said)
Within the first 5 minutes
Jupiter had wet the floor
So after that minor incident
I wasn’t so sure
Consequently, every time
Jupiter would start to whine
I’d start worrying
And have to take him outside
That dog, god bless him
Got 16 walks in 2 days
It was bloody exhausting
(Especially in the rain)
If I left him alone
He’d start to cry
I’ll admit I was left feeling
A little cross-eyed
We are not actually allowed
Dogs in our flat
(I’m a heretic and out-law
Imagine that)
So his crying made me anxious
What if someone got a whiff
And reported me
Oh my God imagine ….what if ….
But it was gorgeous absorbing
Some canine love
But I’m pretty sure once
Was more than enough
From now I’ll simply
Be applying for walks
Not keeping them in my home
(That’s for dam sure)
Permanence
A beautiful building
Made of pure glass
Truly breathtaking;
Till I let out a gasp
As I looked up, I saw
A huge tree had grown
Somewhere in the middle
So visibly shown
Huge, chunky branches
Growing from different floors
Millions of dovetailing
Roots that I saw
Aggressively pushing
Through the shatterproof glass
The area the tree engulfed
Was extensively vast
I stood staring
In absolute disbelief and shock
Surely all it would take
Was one little knock
And everything in front of me
Would come crashing down
I tried to warn the people
Who were walking around…
“It’s broken, its broken”
I started to scream
But not a single soul
Took any notice of me
Like a crazy-mad-person
Screaming in the dark
I was so utterly confused
Why was it so hard?
For people to open their eyes
To question the status quo
Be curious about life
And interested to know
How long has this building
Like this withstood?
Why wasn’t this tree
Growing safely in a wood?
How long would it be
Before everything collapsed…. ?
Why was everyone walking around
So bloody fucking relaxed?
I woke up bemused
Such a symbolic dream
It wasn’t difficult to figure
Out my subconscious stream
Two of the things that I love
Entangled somehow
Wrapped up in the emotions
That I am feeling right now
Glass buildings remind me
Of my dad, whom I adored
He worked at Shatterproof Glass
(Since he was 24)
I remember visiting him once
When I was a child
And the building that he worked in
Was truly inspired
The first glass building
I had ever seen
And then we walked inside
As he introduced me…
To his colleagues and friends
With such utter pride
Love was all I ever saw
In my dad’s eyes
Then he took me to his office
And hanging on his wall
Was a school project I’d made
The previous year before
It was all about Guatemala
I’ll never forget
Feeling like I had drunk
10 vodka gimlets
Dizzy with pride
Intoxicated by his love
As he showed off the work
His daughter had done
To this day glass buildings trigger
Thoughts of my dad
The love and the pride
That he so clearly had
And then strangely enough
I fell in love with trees
After my dad died
They started speaking to me
(They did I promise
I’m not completely mad;-)
Something about trees
Pull me up when I’m sad
Their beauty, their stability
So majestically strong
They root to the ground saying:
“This is where I belong
I’m staying grounded in this spot
Feel free to go around
I won’t argue with you
Or even make a sound.”
When I’m surrounded by trees
I’m simply filled with awe
How is it that for so long
I simply never saw
Their utter radiance
What they represent
Such a stunning symbol
Of illusive permanence
Ah yes lovely ‘permanence’
Where ever do you hide?
I’ve consciously been searching
For the longest of time
So, there it is floating
High in the sky
It’s roots flailing to be grounded
(Something is awry)
And this shattered glass building
Representing the death of the fantasy
That my meaning will be found
In anyone else but me
Not in a dad who adored me
An eternally loving mother
Or the warm, loving embrace
Of any significant other
Not in the eyes of my children
Perhaps beaming at me
The only person to give my life meaning
Is quite simply me
Or perhaps the glass represents
This world that is shattered
Letting go of the illusion
That it actually even matters
Another reminder to simply
Accept things as they are
Which for most of my life
Has been so incredibly hard
Driven by this desire
To constantly fix
The brokenness and damage
That leaves me transfixed
So, I’m going to continue
Stepping away
From the bigger picture
That so often looms every day
Relinquish control
(Or simply notice when I can’t)
Compassion is all I need
To finally plant
My very own roots
My very own tree
Connecting together
All the varied parts of me