Approximate reading time: 12 min
Written the 9th April 2022
I’ve been having a good week
So, I decided to apply
To a job on LinkedIn
That randomly caught my eye
An opportunity to work
Online from home
In personal development
(Helping people grow)
I checked out the company
I liked what I saw
The owner, Sandy, looked friendly
I felt slightly drawn
To her smiling, charming face
Her personal story
It just all felt so very
Relatable to me
But in the back of my mind
Neurotic Angel scoffed
“How many times have you eaten
From this ‘shit’ filled trough?”
Because in 2019
When I arrived back in the UK
My sacred mission: To “find myself”
To UNEARTH the way!
So, determined on my journey
Of ‘self-discovery’
I attended loads of conventions
And introductory…
Seminars…that all promised
To deliver me the world
A wealthy future wrapped up
In diamonds and pearls
And time and time again
I felt a little sick
As I started to notice
How they all used the same tricks
That high-energy confidence
And magnetic charisma
That pulls you in as they define
Life’s great enigma…
That stagnant feeling of ‘stuckness’
You’re life mission is AWOL
Do you feel exhausted and tired
Have you hit a wall?
They pinpoint ALL the reasons
Why some succeed
(And others not!)
But luckily for you
They’ve magically figured out the plot
And they’re here now to ‘save you’
To throw you a lifeline
They’ve found ALL the answers
They’re happy to tell you why…
You haven’t made it!
You are not yet rich!
Why your life is so miserable
Why you’re so stuck in that ditch
To share their secret
Their life-changing ‘process’
To lift the blinders and explain why
Your life is a mess!
But of course, there’s a price
1999 pounds
But for this day only
They will knock that price down
A 50% discount
Sometimes even more
(Aren’t you so lucky
You found your way to their door)
“Um no, sorry, you can’t go home
And do some research…
Your future happiness rests
On who grabs this opportunity first!”
And sometimes the offer
Is only available to
The first X amount of people
Who are FIRST in THAT queue
“Because winners, you know
Think fast on their feet
They grab opportunities
Before they become obsolete.”
How many times did I hear
This utter garbage being spewed!
Nothing, could be so much
Further from the truth
Because a reputable company
(Who genuinely cares)
Won’t need to shame you into buying
ANY product of theirs
(But wait!!!
My ranting is not yet done!
This has been fermenting for years
I’ve only just begun!)
My all-time favourite
Is when they attempt to induce
Feelings of elation
When dance is introduced
And you are expected to get up
“Learn to let go!”
Dance sober with a group of people
That you don’t even know
Which is fine, in a way
I absolutely get it
Those dance endorphins
Can be a HUGE trip
But while I’m conscious that I’m someone
Who loves to dance
(I have spent
not to give a dam)
About what other people think
I’ll quite easily go with the flow….
But I’m left awkward and embarrassed
For those who hate being on show
I once went to a seminar
Called: “How to love yourself”
It was a dismal failure
(As far as I could tell)
It was cringe-worthy
Embarrassing
Truly terrible
As we were addressed by this flamboyant
Extraverted little girl
Who proceeded to play Abba
While encouraging us to dance
Pretend we were singing
As we hopped around and pranced
To the chorus of her shouting
“Be free
Have fun”
(Honestly, all I wanted
Was to cut my losses and run!)
Because all I remember from that room
Were 2 of the men
Awkward, shy, introverts
Who clearly wanted it to end
They looked mortified, shamed
Uncomfortable to the core
I failed to see how their embarrassment
Was going to help them feel more
I thought how sad
They’d found the courage to turn up
Only to find themselves doing
This ridiculous crap
This artificial type of motivation
Just irks me through and through
It isn’t genuine connection
It isn’t authentic or true
I didn’t have the words then
To truly understand
Why I felt so irritated
(Why I felt so mad)
But from what I have grasped
These past couple of years
What I have learnt through experience
(Through patience and tears)
Is that the first step to finding
And loving your inner self
Is NOT dancing around a room
Trying to imitate somebody else
It’s through having compassion
Attempting to understand
Yourself and YOUR experiences
(Untangle them first-hand)
Letting go of the belief
That everything is just fine
Embracing healing through that beautiful
Passage of time
And yet time and time again
This strategy is used
Like somehow dancing and being successful
Are magically fused
With no empathy and understanding
For different personality types
Everyone is expected to buy into
This ludicrous hype
Oh and let’s not forget
How success is defined
By the amount of money in your bank account
Each and every time
Like by not dreaming BIG
You stay a small fish
One entrepreneur even commented
Condescendingly on this
“Small fish are boring
They make no difference in this world”
I wanted to climb up on that stage
And dis-A-ssem-ble
His head from his spine
(I apologise; it’s true)
But I just sat there quietly
As I internally fumed
The sense of entitlement
Who did he think he was
Not everyone in this world
Is destined to be a star
Many people live ‘small’
But beautiful lives
They find joy in little moments
They’re simply grateful to be alive
They might choose to do jobs
That are undervalued and underpaid
But they still get up every morning
Knowing they make a difference each day
And honestly, it all started
To sicken me to the core
That we live in a world
So consumed by that word “MORE”
All these examples of egocentrism
People who are unable to differentiate
The differences between themselves
And other peoples state
Their lack of empathy
That others might just not be the same
Their doggone determination
To write their OWN rules for the game
And it’s like the blinkers for me
Are starting to slowly peel off
As I start noticing the hypocrisy
My idolization starts to morph
Into disgust and fury
That for so very long
I looked up to these people
I was so entranced by their song
But as I’ve continued to grow
To learn how narcissists behave
I’ve become more conscious of the toxic
Manipulative games that they play
How they will use shame to devalue
To make you feel “not quite enough”
They will convince you that life
Doesn’t need to be tough
That ALL of their problems
Are now magically cured
They are living their dreams
-Kings and Queens of the world
And yes, you too
Can have
All of this….
You can live a life
Full of luxury
A life FULL of glitz…
They will ‘future-fake’
A picture so beautiful to see
They will leave you dreaming
“OH, how I wish that was me”
So, all this got me thinking
About the term “snake-oil-salesman”
Wondering how on earth
Did it ever begin?
In 1879
Clark Stanley was
The “Rattlesnake King”
Simply because
He marketed snake oil
As a patent medicine
This miracle potion
That could cure ANYTHING
Posing as a doctor
For almost 4 decades, he would sell
This miracle snake oil
That would make ALL well
But in 1916
Stanley’s concoction was analysed
And what did they discover?
Surprise, Surprise!
It was found to have
Absolutely NO VALUE at all
Just a random blend made
With plain mineral oil
Not a single drop
Of snake oil was to be found
Clark Stanley pleaded no contest
(He got a $20 fine)
So that name has stuck
It is used to identify
Those types of people who will
Manipulate and lie
Who will say WHATEVER
They need to say
To make sure you part with
Your money that day
So back to this random
Job application yesterday
I got a call last night from Sandy
(It’s hard to convey)
How the instant she spoke
I felt my guard go up
Something about the tone of her voice
Warned my heart to shut
The first thing I was TOLD
Was that she only EVER works
With people who “KNOW’ themselves
People who “VALUE” their worth
And the minimum amount of money
They would desire to earn
Is a £ 10,000 a month over turn
(WOW!
That sounds a little too surreal
OMG GOD soooo much MONEY
Imagine how that would feel!!!)
And then I was asked
How much money I desired to make
(I mean, how do you answer that truthfully
After her take?)
Because I don’t think in money
That’s never been my currency
All that I desire in my life
Is purpose and meaning
But I answered £5 000
(She needed a number to be said)
Even though red flags
Were flying around my head
Yes, £5000 would quite simply do
And then I waited as a slightly awkward
Silence ensued
Sandy offered to send a prospectus
“Perhaps you need to have rethink
Redefine your goals
So you can get more in sync
With the ideals of THIS company”
(Or her idea of Success)
Her disdain was evident
She needed to impress
She was a successful business person
(I mean, let’s get real!)
She wasnt wasting her time on losers
Sandy was the real deal!
And as it triggered this slight
Note of shame in me
I then heard a tiny voice say:
“Oh, hello, Stanley!
NO, I don’t think I’ll buy
Some of your oil today
I’m pretty happy with the life
That I have got on the way ….
Because, frankly, I never want to set
Another “goal” again
I’ll rather learn to be grateful
For my day to day living”
The conversation fizzled
Pretty quickly after that
Perhaps Sandy sensed I was immune
To her universal crap
And it’s so funny the next day
She sent me a free webinar
On how to build up my confidence
So I, too, can reach for the stars!
I mean, this is a stranger
Who knows absolutely NOTHING about me
But feels confident handing out
Her judgements for free
I laughed out loud when I got it
(My blood didn’t even boil)
I’m just so grateful I’m no longer
Getting drunk
On Stanley’s oil!
