Approximate reading time: 9 min
It’s been a while since I wrote anything ‘fresh’.
I feel like I might have forgotten how to write…
What to say?
What to say?
It has become apparent this last month that the Goddess of technology has completely forsaken me.
I have almost zero memory left on my phone…
I am up to 98% full capacity.
While trying to figure out what the hell was using so much of my memory,
I discovered that 90% of my 64GB was being gobbled up by apps.
Stupid apps!
Useless apps that I don’t even want on my phone.
Apps that I am unable to delete.
What’s up with that?
How is that even fair?
It’s like selling someone a new suitcase filled with CRAP and then informing the customer:
“No, sorry you are not allowed to take any of it out or throw any of it away! But oooooh look at this lovely little side pocket here…you can put all your stuff in there if you like!“
Splendid!!!
Why can’t we just go into a phone shop and order a phone completely app free?
And then we can download all the apps that we WANT!!
Is that asking toooo much people?
I am sure there is a way to solve this memory issue…but other than me continually deleting everything that comes into my phone- I haven’t a clue as to what it is!
(I am not IT literate!)
*********
The Snip-It tool on my laptop, which I pretty much use 24/7 with my blogging, decided to stop working 2 weeks ago.
All attempts to fix it myself were futile.
I deleted the Snip-It app and re-downloaded it about 16 times…
(No, I’m NOT exaggerating)
After every download, I clicked on the app to open up the newly installed version and it looped me back to the download page.
AARRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
My creative licence is completely destroyed without Snip-It!
Cutting and pasting pictures is half the fun!!!!
I am sure there is a logical reason as to why this is happening.
But I don’t have a clue as to what it is!
(I am not IT literate!)
***********
Two weeks ago, I discovered when editing my blog, all the text is faded out.
This means I pretty much can’t see anything unless I click on a line and highlight it.
For a blogger that’s like trying to drive in tule fog with your fog lights on continuously.
It’s torture…
(You need to appreciate the pure agony of me even writing this post!)
Numerous calls to Bluehost tech support and I repeatedly got nowhere.
Apparently, it’s a design error that they are unable to fix…but they are also unable to provide me with the details of anyone who can actually fix it.
(Despite me asking several times)
So, yet again…I am clueless.
(I am not IT literate!)
Eventually after a week of me calling back, hoping to get someone that might actually be able to help …I finally got through to Rasheed
who had a suggestion.
(Sometimes you have to keep trying until you find that one person who is able to think ‘OUTSIDE’ the box.)
God Bless him, Rasheed was that man!
Rasheed:
“You know you could contact our design team …you would have to pay them but they could fix this for you!”
For the love of God, why on earth didn’t the first person tell me that?
YES!!! I will pay whoever and whatever is needed so that I can blog without my fog lights on.
I just need it fixed.
Rasheed reassured me that someone from the design team would call me in the next couple of hours.
(This was Sunday!)
Thank God…finally a light at the end of this technological nightmare.
About an hour later I accidentally dropped my phone off the edge of a balcony and completely obliviated it.
I currently have no phone.
Will it NEVER END?????
********
Luckily I was due for an upgrade.
My new Samsung A54 will be arriving tomorrow😊
It has 128GB!!!
Wohoooooo!!!
(I will no longer need to continually delete shit!)
No doubt it will arrive with hundreds of useless apps on it that I will be unable to delete, but hey ho….on the plus side
IT’S PURPLE!
(My favourite colour!)
On my previous phone contract I was paying £75 a month …..
(why was I paying so much? I have NOT a freak’n clue!)
For the new contract I will only be paying £35 a month
The lovely Vodaphone support lady also sliced my internet bill in half… ….instead of paying £40 a month I will now be paying £22.
Dropping my phone off that balcony is probably the best thing that could have happened to me this week.😊
And the cherry on the top…..my 17th attempt at fixing Snip-It worked!!!!!
I can cut and paste inane little pictures to my heart’s content!
My life is back online!!!
(I will write with fog lights on for now…..)
*********
Interesting how the entire time I have been dealing with all this CRAP I have been editing the poem below which is pretty much all about learning to handle what life throws at you!
All I can say is
“The universe has a sense of humour”
It’s good to be back….
Thank God I can still rant write!
Written the 9th April 2021
Pendulation
It’s 3am
poetry is keeping me awake
words swimming through my mind
they won’t take a break
I decided to get up
purge them ALL out
One word in particular
my mind wants to tout
“Pendulation”
Is a term by Peter Irvine
From ‘Healing Trauma”
That I’m reading at this time
‘Pendulation’
Is one of the processes required
to help people with trauma
their brain to rewire
Also called ‘looping’
it allows a person to swing
from a state of anxiety
and suffering…
to a more calm, relaxed state
– there should be an easy flow
But when you’re healing trauma
that’s not how it always goes
That process that should be natural
(How your body self-regulates)
Continually gets stuck
as your body dissociates
***********
Self-regulation is modelled by parents
It should be learnt as a child
The most valuable tool
it is a skill that is compiled
as you are taught how to manage
(Throughout those early formative years)
All of your emotions
Your feelings
Your fears
I realise that this wasn’t
something I was taught
My mom struggled with her emotions
which often left her frazzled and fraught
A while back my Aunt made a comment
it left me intrigued
She said
“When you were all kids
you were as good as can be
So well behaved in fact
it didn’t seem right
I never saw any of you quibble or fight”
***********
So, this got me thinking
about my class at school
how I want to model
and build this pendulation tool
When I first started teaching them
four months ago
A more perfect class
I have never known
I have honestly never
had a class so good
never a foot out of line
always doing what they should
But something about it
just unnerved me so
this is definitely NOT
how I want children to grow
What’s the point of having
a perfectly behaved class
if they can never giggle
or just have a laugh
They’d listen to stories
completely dead panned
That they were so lifeless
was hard to understand
And if they never have free will
to misbehave
how will they learn
that it’s actually OK?
To get into trouble
and deal with the fall out
Isn’t making mistakes
what life is all about?
It’s about giving more freedom
allowing them to choose
Hell, it’s even giving them
permission to refuse
To know that the world
won’t end if they say no
To see the bigger picture and how
mistakes help them grow
Helping them to recognise their emotions
To analyse what they feel
I guess healthy pendulation
is my teaching ideal
So, I have been working hard
to try and relax the grip
give them more freedom
and choice on this trip
Every spilt water bottle
or broken toy
Is simply a lesson
That doesn’t need to annoy
Shit happens we hurt
we get upset
Our friends make us angry
we disconnect
But we can learn to bounce back
take back our control
We can find our own ways
Our inner parts to console
*************
A random story
that happened this week
That beautifully highlights
‘Pendulation’ so to speak
I have the cutest
sweetest girl in my class
She is the kindest student
with the biggest of hearts
While making our ‘mini gardens’
I gave the speech
“Please only take two handfuls
of gravel each”
After her third handful
I reminded her of my words
She nodded but clearly
she never heard
On her fourth handful, I said
“Reana remember I said only two!”
She nodded again, but never withdrew
By her fifth handful
I eventually raised my voice
It’s not something I do often
not by choice
“Reana remember I said only two
This is the last time
that I’m speaking to you!”
She suddenly looked up
with eyes of fear
and I watched in horror
as they filled with tears
I saw her lower lip start
to quiver and shake
In that split second
I thought my heart would break
But then in a flash
I was amazed to see
this tiny little child
just starting to breathe
Huge deep breaths
like I have taught them to do
huge dramatic breaths
to work her anxiety through
After a few of these breaths
her tears went away
It was one of those moments
that completely make your day
I walked over to her
I gave her a hug
watching her self-regulate
was better than any drug
“Reana”
I gushed
“I’m so proud of you
You got anxious and upset
but your body knew what to do.”
5 minutes later Reana was back
just as before
Continuing with her garden
chatting galore
Pendulation at its best
Calming herself after a mistake
She had got into trouble
And now knows she won’t ‘break’
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