Approximate reading time: 8 min
FYI: There is no point to this post.
You will learn nothing!
You might even be wasting 8 minutes of your life.
(Don’t say I didn’t warn you!!)
For those of you that worry about me being single forever and ever and ever.
Rest assured, I will not.
I have it on good authority that the love of my life will be turning up in exactly 5 weeks time.
You see what magically appeared in my feed this week was an advert for the
Did you know that for £19.99 you can have all your dreams and prayers guaranteed to be answered within 5 weeks?
I kid you not.
(I even have a graph to prove it)
The best part is this!!!
This academy doesn’t discriminate.
I should know because I applied twice and pretended to be both, while answering all the ‘in-depth’ questions needed to formulate my very ‘personal‘ plan.
And there you have it….two individualised plans that look remarkably like EXACTLY the same thing.
Now if that isn’t a miracle, then I don’t know what is.
(As long as you don’t forget to pay your £19.99 mind you)
For the record, please let it be noted I AM NOT making fun of people who pray. I making fun of those people who think they have somehow cracked some universal code on how to speak to God and then have the audacity to try and charge people money for this privilege. It irks the bejeebers out of me how companies like this take advantage of so many people who are desperate to find love.
Next rant…..
So, unless you write a blog you might not know this.
At the top of each blog post, there is a small pink square called the Headline Analyser. This Headline Analyser tool enables you to
(And I quote)
“Write irresistible SEO headlines that drive traffic, shares and rank better in search results”
So essentially, what this means, is that every time I choose a blog title, that title is graded with a percentage mark. A good score is anything between 40 and 60, but if I want to get the best results
(AKA the most hits on my page)
Then, I need to strive to exceed 70%.
Alas, it needs to be said I rarely get a score above 50%.
(The stench of mediocrity is killing me)
Clearly, I am just not that original!
Evidenced below are a sample of percentage scores from my previous posts
I mean for the love of God, what’s a girl got to do to get a distinction-graded-blog-heading around here?
So, I decided
(out of utter curiosity),
to figure out exactly what the magic formula would be to break me into the thriving zone of exciting blog titles- that would make MORE people want to read my stuff.
Here are the results of my VERY SCIENTIFIC analysis.
I have learnt a lot.
Are you ready?
As long as you use those ‘power’ words that ‘slightly’ indicate that you ‘might’ have the solution to other people’s problems- You are gooooooooooood to go.
I have to admit I have not yet managed to crack the code for a 94% and above headline.
(But rest assured when I do….you will be the first to know.)
I’ll be honest I have rarely taken much notice of the stupid headline analyser –
(Dramatics aside:-)
I have no interest in conforming to a stupid algorithm’s idea of what deems a good headline. But I do find it rather sad that we live in a world that is completely geared towards continually telling other people “how to” live their lives. This is something that has ALSO irked me for as long as I can remember
(Being the recovering self-help junkie that I am.)
Of course, I get it!
It makes sense…..
so many of us are searching.
We search for happiness, we search for love, we search for connection, we search for acceptance. We all want to belong and find that space where we ‘fit’. We want that dream job that will help us feel fulfilled and valued. Every single human being is searching for something…even if a large proportion of our population doesn’t consciously realise it. I don’t think we could be human without the need to grow and strive for more. Personally, I am exhausted from looking to other people for my answers or the solutions to my happiness…I am tired of worrying about what other people think.
(Mind you, that does not mean I still don’t!)
But I am trying my damndest to just be me…
And this blog is my practice ground
Swear words and all.
(Oh shit, I just remembered I forgot to pay my £19.99!!!;-)
Written the 3rd March 2022
Does healing ever come?
World Book Day today
A young author came in
To speak to the children
(Let’s call her Lyn)
A beautiful woman
With blonde flowing hair
Radiating the energy of someone
Who genuinely cares
But as soon as I saw her
My whole body went cold
Lyn’s large pregnant belly
Was truly something to behold
I watched as she so eagerly
Touted her first book
Her joy radiated effortlessly
To all the children who looked
Lyn spoke confidently
Beaming with pride
I hoped my face was doing
A good enough job to hide
The heartbreak and tears
I was trying to hold back
As an inner voice echoed
“You might never have that”
And my thoughts spun back to
A little while ago
A Ted Talk on Childless Grief
How it knocks you down and takes hold
The speaker said that for two months
She’d cried uncontrollably
I remember scoffing: “Is that all?”
(Oh. so bitterly)
Because I feel like I have spent
The last ten years stuck in grief
And no, I still don’t have
That magical release
Maybe it comes for others
But it seems to have eluded me
Living with this veiled secret
That just won’t let you be
Shared only with a select few
Who are comfortable enough
To ‘not’ have any answers
Who don’t need you to be tough
Friends who won’t shame you
With platitudes of how to feel
Or highlighting the perks of being childless
(Isn’t it perhaps time for you to heal?)
Why not choose another dream
That doesn’t involve tiny tykes
Look how much free time you have
To do whatever you like
How I wish it was that simple
How I wish I could let go
How I wish I could make peace
With this not so travelled road
But it’s still a continuous struggle
That so often hits me in the gut
Three years away from 50
Still lost in this childless rut
But I get up
I move forward
I write it all out
I’m learning to soothe my inner voices
When they manically scream and shout
There are good days and bad days
And those in between
Some days it truly
Has little effect on me
But for now, simply acknowledging
This pain that hasn’t gone away
Is all that I really needed
To do for myself today