Approximate reading time: 2 min

Written the 27^th May 2021

I want to quit

(every second day)

12 weeks to go

should I just walk away?

It’s more painful than I

can ever describe

Feelings of overwhelm

from which I cannot hide

When children’s happiness

is being put last

It’s such a painful trigger

(a remnant of my past?)

Tension, screaming

bad behaviour everywhere

Two adults in that class

simply not able to care

One hates nursery

that much is plain to see

(She openly admits

this is NOT where I want to be)

The other is struggling

he’s truly doing his best

But his own anxiety means

he is constantly stressed

Last week when I saw him

gripping that child’s arm

As he screamed down at her

anything but calm

It was shocking

 it was horrible

 this shouldn’t be happening in schools

should be a cardinal rule

I attempted to speak up

 Make my concerns known

(Lack of safety and attunement

 weighs on me like a stone)

So, I broached the topic

with the leadership team

Airing my concerns and worries

about what I am seeing

“I’ll speak to them”

was the blasé comment made to me

How does that solve the problem?

I’m struggling to see?

“How can we expect people to give

what they simply don’t have?”

I asked in confusion

(feeling slightly mad)

“Because that IS THEIR JOB”

came the rather blunt retort

(A great way to ensure

 the safety of all the kids taught)

BUT Surely, it’s YOUR JOB to always ensure

 you place teachers in a class

who are emotionally mature…

Teachers equipped to handle the needs

 of these tiny, little souls

to help them ultimately succeed

As I heard her words

my blood ran cold…

her irritation at me

(Was I being too bold?)

But I really don’t care

 I’m so done being quiet

Swallowing down this frustration

Always trying to hide it

Honestly, all I can really conclude

 is something in this system

is fundamentally fucking screwed

Children’s emotional wellbeing

should be priority number ONE

But sadly, that is not

 how it’s always done

I feel so powerless to initiate change in this world

and it leaves me feeling helpless

as I simply watch things unfurl

It stirs up insecurities

(my own limiting beliefs)

That I can never create the change

 I so desperately want to see