Approximate reading time: 2 min
Written on the 28 th 2021
Memories this morning
of being a little girl
tears overflowed
when I got overwhelmed
Hating the anger
Hearing those words shout
“Keep it up
and I’ll give you
something to cry about!”
As if my frustration and hurt
simply weren’t enough
I grew up somehow feeling
I had to be tough
Put on a brave face pretend
this is me
There’s simply no space
for all this emotion to be
The subconscious message
This world is just not safe
Wrap your heart in barb wire
and you’ll be ok
************
At 36 I went
to a meditation retreat
In a desperate attempt
To somehow find me
I had lost my wonderful father
6 months before
10 days of meditating
(Would definitely be the cure)
All I really remember
the continuous flow of tears
I truly was a sorrowful
weepy state of affairs
I spoke to the swami
about all my heart felt
My feelings of overwhelm
like I just wanted to melt
“You can cry for now”
was his sage decree
“But tears are a bad habit”
He heedfully cautioned me
Point duly noted.
(I mean he was a wise man!)
I spent the next 10 years
trying to block all I can
***********
I wish I could go back
to that younger me
Practice more compassion
just let her be
I’d tell her she could cry
as much as she needs
There’s no time limit
to how we each must grieve
I’d give her a hug
reassure her she’s ok
I’d ask her to stop listening
to what other people say
“You can relate
feel connection
and yes you can learn
From other people’s stories
but please, please discern
What works for others doesn’t
have to be your truth
Learn to simply ask
what feels good for you?”
*************
So, this is a poem
to all of my tears
I’m sorry I’ve blocked you
for so many exhausting years
I want you to know
that you are welcome to stay
I’m so tired of continually
trying to dry you all away
I don’t expect you will ever
completely disappear
But as I heal I hope
you’ll become less severe
Thank you for the valuable
purpose you served
Simply expressing my feelings
when I couldn’t find the words
