Approximate reading time: 8 min

Written the 15th October 2021

I’m so fucking wired

I’ve honestly had enough

This last bloody week

Has just been so tough

Booked into a reception class

(Just for 7 days)

To cover for a teacher who’d had

An operation and was away

Beautiful kids, very friendly staff

 But I’m the 3rd supply teacher

In 2 weeks and a half

On my first day there

I completely lost my voice

I knew I should stay home

(That would’ve been the wise choice)

But alas noooooooooooo

Send another new teacher

Into there?

It felt almost inhumane

For these children who need care

So, I stuck it out

I made it through the week

I felt exhausted

But boy

Was I proud of me

Neurotic Angel patting me

(Like a delighted maniac)

“See no viral flu

Is going to hold YOU back!”

I ignored all the other voices

Chorusing in my head

 “You need to stay home

Get some rest instead”

Because what Neurotic Angel wants

She seems to get

(I guess she’s like Meghan Markle

In that respect)

I can’t explain how draining

Schools can be

Especially when I’m there

For longer than a week

I ended the 7 days

Their teacher was coming back

I was happy finally

Everything seemed on track

But a call the next morning she was

Apparently still “not well”

Unfortunately, I’d already been booked

Into another school

My irritation was extreme

Why would you do that to your class?

Wouldn’t you want some consistency

For them that would last?

By sheer luck the other school cancelled

(That very same day)

So, I was able to go back

For another few days stay

 Would they need me next week?

It was a clear NO…

 The teacher would be back

To get on with the show

So, I double-checked with the school

Was she DEFINITELY sure

 That Monday’s return wasn’t

A teeny bit premature?

Yes, I was assured

She would definitely be there

I accepted other jobs

I said a silent prayer

A call again yesterday

 Oh low and behold…

She’s still sick…Good Lord

This is getting so old

My teaching agency says

This has been her M.O

Constantly saying she’s coming back

And then doing a no-show

It’s been going on for weeks

Hence so many different supplies

It’s enough to make me want

To just sit down and cry

The utter lack of consideration

Of what this does to her class

Denying them consistency

It’s such a fucking farse  

But it’s more than that

It’s so hard to verbalise

The exhaustion and frustration

That I seem to internalise

I feel like a sponge

Sucking it all in

The other teacher’s angst

 As I watch them all spin

Because most teachers you meet

Are so unbelievably stressed

Although many will say nothing

(They just do their best)

One of the teaching assistants

Used to actually teach

But after surviving breast cancer

She decided to leave

She reiterated what I’ve heard

At every single school

“I love the kids but there is never

Enough time to get through…

All of the demands

The expectations every day

I knew something had to shift

To keep my cancer at bay

  I simply couldn’t continue

It was going to kill me

I am so much healthier

Now that I don’t full-time teach.”

In the class, there’s an autistic child

 (Who does what he wants)

 Screaming and tantrums

Are his default response

When he doesn’t want to do something

When he wants his own way

 So, he gets away with stuff

For most of the day

His support teacher

(Bless her)

Spends most of her day

Running around trying to catch him

As he continually runs away

My TA is always out supporting

Another autistic child

In the other reception class

(Who also runs wild)

And then bless there is

An autistic boy in year three

Who simply runs around the school

So randomly

He’ll run in during lessons

(Start grabbing things)

 He has no one-to-one support

(So sadly it seems)

Because both these children’s parents

Are in chronic denial

That there is anything remotely wrong

With their precious child

And without parental consent

No evaluation can be done

Thus no intervention learning plans

Can even be begun

With no ILP plan in place

No funding is made

To provide one-to-one support

To help these kids through the day

The same thing that is happening

In so many other schools

Parental denial of autism

Is quite simply cruel

For these children who are not

Learning a dam thing

Who need genuine support 

(Not simply babysitting)

But also, it’s so grossly unfair

On teachers doing their best

To provide adequate care

 For all the other children

Who reside in their class

It leaves so many teachers feeling

So stuck in an impasse

Because SOMEONE has to intervene

During these children’s meltdowns

Someone has to run after them

When they decide to run around

So teachers in these situations

Often lose their TA’s

 While they struggle to teach

29 children alone every day

How is this loophole

In this day and age

Still even allowed?

That whole classes are affected

Simply because of parental denial

Of their child’s special needs

And how they need support

How is it that the system

Is still falling so short

 I’m all for parental rights

But where is the line that is fair?

So that teachers and support staff

Can provide suitable care

So moving on ….on Monday

I heard a high-pitched scream

I barely even reacted

(It’s part of the normal regime)

 After a while, you get so accustomed

You almost shut it out

The screaming becomes your norm

(Sadly, without a doubt)

After a couple of seconds

It penetrated

Something else was wrong

I turned around to look

Why was it so prolonged?

A little girl who has been repeatedly

Warned before

Not to continuously play

With the classroom door

Had somehow managed

To get her fingers jammed

And was screaming blue murder

For her poor hand

 I’ve never bolted so fast

As I flung open the door

Her poor fingers looked crushed

So painfully sore

(My first day I’d noticed

Those open hinges and thought

That’s an accident waiting to happen

Somebody’s fingers are gonna get caught!)

The medical lady informed me

This had happened twice before  

Yet no action had been taken

To put hinge protectors on the doors

(Seriously what the hell

Would it eventually take

For a child to lose a finger?

For goodness sake!)

I was an anxious, jittery wreck

For the rest of the day

I went to the medical room, during lunch

She asked

“Are you OK?”

“No, I need Valium!

Do you have some?”

She laughed

“Sorry love, it’s pretty much all gone.”

She reassured me accidents happen

 (But fuuuuuck I felt bad!)

How do parents raise kids

Without being constantly scared???????

Sorry this poem has no point

(No bloody point at all)

Except that I feel less anxious

 (Poetry is my cure-all)

And I’m so grateful

I’m so happy

That I’m not full-time employed

Seriously I mean it

I’m so freakin’ overjoyed