Approximate Reading time: 9min
I’m sorry it’s been ages since I have written anything fresh…
I have been on holiday with my baby brother Bruce who flew over from South Africa. We spent 3 days in the Netherlands and then did a road trip to Germany and spent 3 days in, and around Münster.
It was so great to see him again after almost 2 years.
So, I decided that it would be fun if we went to Klimbos, which I mistakenly thought was a ziplining park built in a forest.
(In hindsight, analysing the name Klimbos
Klim= means climb in Dutch (and Afrikaans) ….umm…. it’s pretty self-explanatory)
Nevertheless, I decided it would be fun because Bruce and I both love stuff like that.
Please Note:
I have been Zip-lining in Thailand and Costa Rica
bungy jumping twice in South Africa
and bridge swinging somewhere in the world….
(I can’t for the life of me remember where?)
FYI Both bungy jumps were done at the Bloukrans Bridge which is …
216 metres high
AND
can I just add that Bloukrans is the 4th
And I did it!
TWICE!!!!
(I went twice simply because the first time I jumped I screamed the entire way down and didn’t open my eyes ONCE!- I missed it ALL!)
So I had to do it again!
So you see I am made of brave stuff!
And so is my Brother!
So on arriving at Klimbos Bruce, and I listened to the instructions on how to secure ourselves onto the support line and then we were both rearing to go. We climbed up onto the base platform where you start the various different courses and pondered which one to do first.
A couple of them had queues filled with kids and parents
(We couldn’t possibly do the “kiddy” ones)
Bruce made a suggestion.
“Let’s do this one sis, there is no one else on it!”
I being the dumb arse that I am failed to ask that logical question…
”I wonder why no one is on it Bruce?”
My heart sank when I saw the first obstacle that we had to climb across. It was a huge “skateboard /surfboard-like-thingy” attached to two ropes.
(Might I just add skateboards and surfboards are up there with footballs and maps)
Especially not 8 metres above the ground.
(Truth be told I am not a particularly well-coordinated person, at the best of times)
But not wanting to feel like a complete wuss I somehow convinced myself that the first one would be the worst.
(It’s like pulling a band-aid off, ya’ know)
It would be tough
It would be scary
But I would survive!
And then, after I had survived I would magically be infused with a huge dollop of courage /adrenalin that would catapult me through the rest of the course.
(Well so the internal dialogue went)
Bruce wobbled his way across relatively easily.
Hell if he could do it….
(Nothing like a little sibling rivalry to get you going)
I gave it a go.
It was horrible.
It was high.
Too fucking high.
By the time I got to the other side, I was ready to go home.
Bruce was already climbing his way across the next obstacle which was a WALL of tires!
Alas, it was a little too much for me.
Bruce made it across triumphantly beaming back at me with the elated joy of a 5-year-old who had just ridden his bike all by himself for the first time! His joy turned to horror when he saw me clinging frozen to the tree as I promptly burst into tears.
If there is one thing Bruce HATES is seeing me cry.
(And let’s face it his sister cries a shit load)
Now I was a sobbing heaving mess 8 metres off the ground and he didn’t know what to do.
We were told that if we got stuck we needed to shout
“Blue help”
The climbing helpers all wore blue helmets
(It’s very original)
There was no way in hell I was going to be calling ANYONE for help.
I felt completely paralysed as I hung onto the tree for dear life.
Besides himself, with worry, my darling brother started shouting
“Blue help
Blue help!“
(I wanted the tree to swallow me up.)
They must have seen that he was fine because he suddenly got quite agitated
with them and started shouting:
“My sister is too scared SHE needs help”
(Oh my GOD the shame!)
I continued clinging to the tree trying to remind myself to breathe while I watched 5-year-old children whip through the trees without a fear in the world.
At what point had I turned into such a baby?
About 3 minutes later a young girl, probably not older than 20 climbed up to rescue me.
(Why they couldn’t send a buff, single 40’s something male…..Is beyond me!)
“Are you afraid of heights?”
she inquired.
I nodded…apparently, I am….
(How did I not know this about myself?)
She chuckled a little and said:
“Why did you choose one of the hardest ones to do then?“
(Why indeed?)
“I followed my brother!”
I replied rather sheepishly.
“I suggest you start on some of the lower ones first and maybe try this one again a little later.”
If she thought that there was a hope in HELL I was going to be climbing back onto this thing again then she had another thing coming.
But my crying had at least stopped.
She took me back across the skateboard and I climbed off feeling like a right tosser.
I wanted to shout from the treetops…
“I have been bungy jumping you know!
From Bloukrans Bridge!
TWICE!!!
I am sooooo super brave!!!”
*********
I stayed on the ground, nursing my severely bruised ego, watching Bruce finish his first course.
When he finally got off
We hugged
(I cried some more)
We laughed.
We decide to try another one that was a little lower to the ground.
Honestly, I hated it!!!
All this wobbling and shaking…why on earth would I think balancing on ropes and climbing obstacle courses metres above the ground could EVER be fun?
Am I just getting OLD?
(Noooo please God don’t let it be so.)
After the second one, I decided that I had had enough.
I NO LONGER NEEDED TO PROVE MY BRAVENESS
I was a shit-scared ninny and I wanted to go home.
But being the kind sister
(that I am)
I designated myself to be my brother’s personal camerawoman for the rest of the time!
Bruce being the superhero, that he likes to think he is, decided to do the highest obstacle course there,
which was 18 thousand metres high!!!
I literally felt sick watching him.
This was not fun.
When Bruce finished climbing across the ridiculous obstacle course,
he got to zipline all the way down…
Dammit, I felt jealous!
I hate all this climbing-in-the-sky- shit but ziplining is super fun!!!!
(I felt awash with a slight bit of relief …. brave Gayle was still in there!)
So, we found a course that involved climbing a 16-metre-high tree and then ziplining all the way down from one tree to the next.
(Not a single stupid climby-thingy anywhere)
The climb was awful but I banned myself from looking down and I unbelievably made it to the top.
With my own personal cheerleader going:
“Common on sis you can do it!!! “
(He is so sweet)
Bruce ziplined to the first tree and then it was my turn.
As I jumped out of the tree it dawned on me…
that I much prefer scary things when I don’t have to actually DO anything!
You know Passive Scary things!
All I need to do is sit on my arse and trust the harness to do its thing.
About halfway across the line, I got a little scared cause I was going super fucking fast so I did exactly what the instructor warned us NOT to do and pulled on the brake chord a little bit too hard.
I ended up stopping about 3 meters away from the landing.
Bruce and I both stared at each other mortified.
Now what?
As I dangled 16 metres above the ground,
I am proud to report I stayed calm!!
I DID NOT cry!
I felt like I had already wasted my “Blue help rescue” and I would be dammed if I was going to need to be rescued AGAIN!
I managed to very slowy pull myself along the wire…cursing the stupid Klimbos people for not providing us with gloves. As soon as I got about a meter in Bruce was able to throw out the rescue rope and pull me to safety.
My hero
As we sat exhausted on the landing Bruce offered me some very sage brotherly advice.
“Sis you really shouldn’t pull the break cord you know!”
“Well, I didn’t want to hit the tree!”
“You won’t hit the tree sis, I promise. Look, watch me in the next round. I’ll do it without using the break and you’ll see…“
“Ok Boet you be my model….I’m watching!”
Bruce hooked himself in and off he whizzed.
(Dam, he was going fast.)
True to his word he didn’t use his break….
Bruce hit the tree so fucking hard that his legs went flailing above his head in a semi-summersault until his wire pulled him back with such force that it ended up bouncing him about 5 metres backwards onto the zipline.
(Luckily the tree was covered in padding)
I was standing on the other side hugging the tree and laughing so much I was worried I might fall out of the tree.
I wish I had taken out my camera to capture the look of sheer horror that I got from Bruce as he now dangled 16 metres above the ground and had NO one to throw him THE rescue line.
Way below, underneath Bruce were the fresh new intakes who all stood gawking up at him in disbelief while the instructor explained what NOT to do when ziplining.
I will admit I was tempted to scream:
BLUE HELP!!
BLUE HELP!
My brother hit a tree!!!
(But I resisted!)
Luckily Bruce’s superhero kicked in and he managed to pull himself back onto the landing, sans gloves and sans rescue rope!
I was willing him on internally while still laughing
Stupid idiot, he should have used the break!!!!
When I finally zipped my way across to him
(while using my break ever so slightly and landing like a fairy)
neither of us could stop laughing.
Dam I love my brother…
He may be an idiot!
But he is MY idiot!
And his ability to laugh at himself is second to none.
In case anyone is wondering…yes he was wounded…he got quite a big gash and bruise on his ankle.
But he survived.
Cause he is tough!
Tough like his sister.
So for my darling brother, can I just say …even though ….
my original flight home was cancelled
My luggage was lost
(It’s been 6 days now!)
My house keys were in my lost luggage
(Stupidly)
My flatmates were away so there was no one to let me in….
I ended paying £80 to stay in the dodgiest hotel ever
…I still had the best holiday ever
PS. The image of you hitting that tree will forever be edged into my brain and it will no doubt keep us laughing
for many years to come.
Thank you for a truly fantastic 6 days together.
I love you dearly my boet!!!
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