Hello all,

I know, I know it feels like Christmas. 3 posts in one week!

After 2 years of deathly silence, even I am in shock!

Anyway, so my story continues with me now still owning two ‘bloodied’ wedding dresses that I cannot exchange AND apparently I still need to pass “Assertiveness Skills 101!”

I decided that fateful day that Rachel and I needed to go to the beach and forget about all the drama. I would return the dresses to a London Branch. Hopefully, I would get a kind sweet salesperson who didn’t have a carrot stuck up her arse! And that would be the end of the story!

Well, it appears I was in luck.

On the 29th of October 2020, 3 days before Halloween, I walked into the Kilburn Branch of Charity store and I was so very relieved to be greeted by lovely, sweet, wholesome salesgirl.

(Who couldn’t have been older that 20!).

She assured me that yes, I could definitely return the dresses and no “ridiculous- no- refunds-on-Halloween-costumes” policy was even mentioned.

She was absolutely delightful:-)

She will be called “Delightful Dawn“- (like the sunrise!”)

I waited patiently by the till while “Delightful Dawn” started to sort it all out!

2 minutes later I start to notice ‘DD’ is beginning to get a little bit flustered as she starts apologizing profusely.

Delightful-Dawn: “Oh I’m so sorry, this is only my second day here, I’m still learning!”

I reassure her it’s absolutely fine, I’m in no rush. There are a couple of people behind me…..but everyone seems pretty chilled.

Another couple of minutes later Dawn excuses herself to go and speak to her manager in the back office.

She comes back, fiddles around some more, apologizes yet again, and then returns to the back office.

This happens about 3 times and I notice that each time she returns from the office that she is even more anxious and stressed. I can hear her “manager” barking demands at her and I, for the life of me, cant figure out why she doesn’t just come out of the office to help this poor child?

Finally, Delightful Dawn looks at me rather sheepishly and says:

“I’m so sorry but our shop has just had a whole new till system been put in” and we aren’t sure how to do refunds yet?”

(For the love of GOD noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)

I stay calm and perfectly polite because bless her, (Delightful- Dawn is in a state!)

I acknowledge that this is a difficult situation, but that this is already the second shop I have tried so I really do need to get a refund for these dresses.

Dawn apologizes again and says: “Let me go speak to my manager!” (Again)

I can hear her manager in the back giving poor Dawn a right dressing down and when she comes back she is close to tears saying “I’m sorry we won’t be able to help you…..you will need to go to another shop.”

Like HELL I will!

So I very politely ask if I could speak to the manager, please.

(I have no beef with Delightful Dawn!)

Delightful Dawn seems immediately relieved that she could finally hand this over to someone else.

I’m still struggling to understand why said ‘manager’ hadn’t bothered to come and help Delightful Dawn 10 minutes ago, especially if it’s her first week?

‘Manager’ comes out and in an instant I get it!

(She’s one of “those” types!)

She comes storming out of the office, a face like thunder, eye-brows that look like they have been painted on by a 2-year-old, oozing irritation and resentment.

If her energy could speak it would have said

“Who do you think you are?“

“Do you not realise how busy and important my job as Charity shop manager is? ”

“Why are you wasting my time with this trivial shit?”

Manager herself, doesn’t look like she is older than 25. (Let’s call her “Banal Barbara”)

She snaps at me abruptly.

Banal Barbara :”Im sorry but our machines aren’t working, we have just had a whole new till system put in and we are unable to do refunds on it yet. You are going to have to go to another shop”

What? No basic niceties?

I do my absolute best not to react to her, but inside I am literally shaking!

I HATE conflict of any type!

But I hate rude people more!

Me: Yes, I do understand that but unfortunately I have already tried to return these dresses at another shop and I was told I couldn’t do it there either. When I bought these dresses I was ASSURED that I would be able to get a refund if they didn’t fit. So I really do need a solution to this problem today please.

Banal Barbara: Well I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you.

Me: “Look I am pretty sure there is a way to sort this out. I am more than happy to leave these dresses with you, you can write me a simple promissory note, and then when you have figured out how to do the refunds you can give me a call and I will come back in. I don’t mind how long it takes.“

Banal Barbara: “No I am sorry I won’t be able to do that. It’s not our store policy to do refunds that way.“

Me: “Yes but it is your store policy to do REFUNDS, which you are now denying me the right to.”

Banal Barbara: (Digging her heels in) “Like I said you are going to have to go to another store and right now you are making all these other customers wait.” (She says loudly while flaying her hands towards the tiny queue that has started to form)

Oooooooooooooh nooooooo you didn’t!

Tell me you didn’t just try to shame me in front of all the other customers because you obstinately refuse to help me find a working compromise?

This means war!!!

Me: “Well I’m sorry but unless we can find a mutual solution to this problem, I am not leaving.”

(Wohooooooo I did it! I did it!!! I officially passed Assertive Skill #2!!!

The ghost of Manuel J. Smith is high fiving me! We are doing the dance of joy!

I am AsSeRtIvE!!!

Banal Barbara: “Fine!”

And then at the top of her voice, she makes this announcement:

“I’m really sorry ladies and gentlemen but this customer is refusing to leave the store so I am going to have to close the shop!”

All of a sudden all the people who had been quizzing me out with a little….mmmm….dare I imagine …. admiration? find that they are now being escorted out of the shop by the security guard!!

“NOW they HATE me!!!”

Manuel HELP!!!!!!! You didn’t mention THIS in the book!

I summon my inner Goddess of DETERMINATION and stand firm to my convictions!

Banal Barbara returns to her office and leaves me standing firm all by myself.

After a couple of minutes, I walk over to her office door (Still cool like a cucumber!)

Me: Seriously? Is this how you treat customers? You can ignore me as much as you like, or you could attempt to come and solve this problem with basic manners.

Banal Barbara returns to the front desk.

I ask her for her full name.

She refuses to give it to me.

Me: You do realise that all your customers are standing outside waiting for you to solve this problem.

Banal Barbara burst into tears.

Woaaaa!!!! What the hell is happening?

Banal Barbara is sobbing!

She is sobbing about how her life is falling apart. She is sobbing about how she hates her job, she is sobbing about how her job is only volunteer (So she doesn’t get paid!). And she is sobbing about how she has to deal with difficult, rude customers all day long!

(Was she talking about me?)

Fucking hell it was like a supersonic download of shame and guilt!!!

Neurotic Angel (AKA my relentless inner critic) was furious with me.

“SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

“You have reduced this person to a babbling shell of her former bullish self!”

I found myself wanting to backtrack everything I just said and give her a hug!

But another part of me.

An ever so small part.

Reminded me to stand firm.

Yes, I was sorry that she had (obviously) been having a bad day! (Who doesn’t have bad days?)

But I was not responsible for her entire life falling apart.

I was not my fault she decided to take a job that essentially meant she was working for free.

(Seriously Who does that?)

Nor was I responsible for how she treated customers (and her staff for that matter!)

None of ‘this’ had anything to do with the issue at hand.

Which was quite simple: I needed a refund.

So I let her cry and then I said:

“Look, I’m sorry that you have had a tough day. I know you feel like I am doing to make your life difficult. I’m really not…..all I need is a refund for these dresses. If you are unable to give it to me now, then I am happy to accept an IOU, but you can’t tell me that there is no compromise that we can come to somehow?”

Barbara stopped sobbing.

All of a sudden she ‘was able’ to write me an IOU for a refund and signed her FULL name.

The people were allowed back into the shops.

Drama over, order was resumed back in the world.

I hadn’t been home even 10 minutes when I get a call from a rather excited and happy Barbara.

She was beside herself with joy because she had managed to put the refund through! She just wanted to tell me.

Well DONE Barbara! I so knew you could do it!

Lesson learnt:

“Behind every rude, angry, unhelpful person in this world lives a very scared little child who just wants to be seen, validated, and heard.“