Hello all,

I know it’s been a while! In fact, it’s been exactly two years since my last post in 2020 which, incidentally, I also posted on my birthday (Yes, it’s today!)

47 and counting…

Happy Birthday me!!!! 🙂

To be honest I am not even sure where or how to start this post. At times I
feel so overwhelmed by how much I want to say, that I then feel incapable of
saying anything.

The voices in my head (although not as deafening) still persist.

These last couple of years have been a bit of a roller coaster. My last post in
2020 was enthusiastically called “The stars are aligning”. After
coming out of a pretty dismal 5 months I finally felt like my life was coming
together. What I didn’t realize was that, that 5 months’ experience would be
the catalyst for a lot of pain, anxiety, grief, healing and growth that would
need to happen first.

As a result, these last two years have been solely about me making the space
to piece myself together and make sense of my life and where I am now. (I’m still no where close to finished!)

Mind you, it’s not that I haven’t been writing… honestly I never
written so much in my life before.

I currently have 722 pages and 128612 words written…..

I just haven’t, for the life of me being in a space where I’ve felt able to
post anything.

But today on the 47th day of my birth…I am starting to feel stronger and
more ready to connect back into the world:-)

So here I am!!!

Ta daaaaaa!!

Funny enough all my writing during these last two years has been in the form
of poems.

My entire life documented in rhyme, the good the bad, and the downright
miserable.

I have written 192 (chapter) poems and I am making a sole commitment to
myself to post ONE a month from here on out! (In roughly 16 years’ time I might just finish posting them all:-)

(Please note that this is the biggest commitment I have made in my whole,
entire life!)

I’m probably not going to post all of them, nor will they be in any linear
order…

But I’m going to do it!

During this time I have also done a lot of painting…

Da Vinci… I am not!

(More like his adopted-little-kid-sister)

But somehow writing poems and painting pictures has helped get me to this

place where I feel more connected to myself and who I truly am. In finding

the words to describe my inner world (including making space for all my voices)

Written 1st February 2021

Stupid poetry

I was chatting with my oldest friend, Pee-Wee

Our topic of choice was …poetry!

“Urggg… I hate poetry!” (I obstinately declared!)

“I’ve not the slightest bit of interest, to even go there!

It’s boring and mundane, and I have to say,

I could find more fun ways to spend my day!”

“I love it!”  she said, “It moves my soul,

something about poetry makes you feel more whole!”

Wait, I’ll send you my favorite poem, you’ll see,

A lot of joy can be found in poetry!”

Well, she did,

(And if I’m honest,)

I wasn’t quite convinced.

I’m a writer who loves words that haven’t been minced!

But then Christmas came and with her gift,

I decided to doodle a small rhyme, I noticed a shift…

“Wow” I pondered “I enjoyed writing that”

Maybe poetry isn’t all that crap?

A few weeks later I was visiting my awesome besty.

(I’m not going to lie, that chick’s a bit chesty!!)

She hates it of course,

I mean really what’s to love?

A figure like Barbie and top-heavy above?

See when God handed out boobs. I clearly wasn’t in the queue!

(Perhaps I was stuck somewhere, maybe the loo?)

Oh shit!!!  I’m sorry I’ve written a mess!

You will need to forgive me; my poems will digress!

Now where was I? Mmmmm let me see….

I was writing a poem about stupid poetry!

So, while nosing around Besty’s flat,

I found a small notebook! (Fancy that!)

It was filled with poems scribbles and rhymes,

That Besty had written over some time.

“I love them!” I gushed they are so real and raw!

Please Busty Besty, please write some MORE!

Now, I’m not jealous! (mmmmm)

But I would just like to impart!

This chick already paints the most exquisite art.

Now she was writing cool poems from the soul!

Ok dam it! I was jealous! I wanted to give it a go!

It left me a little bemused, could this really be?

That I might actually like stupid poetry?

So, one morning I woke up, after a night full of dreams!

Tired and exhausted they knock my self-esteem.

So sick of journaling about them every single day.

It feels like I never have anything new to say.

Something inside, said “Just leave it alone!

why don’t you sit quietly and just write a poem?”

So, I sat down, (I put my beloved Journal away)

and created my first poem out of utter dismay!

I got it all out. So much fun to create!

When I stood up that morning, I felt pretty great!

So now it seems I write a poem every day.

It just pours out of me; all I need to say.

It soothes me, it calms me, it fills me with bliss.

Somehow poetry closes the creative abyss.

I don’t fret, I don’t worry about what I’m going to say.

I’m just having fun; I’m learning how to play!

It amazes me how I got it so wrong.

Isn’t so much of our poetry simply expressed in song?

So, if you got this far

A challenge! A dare!

Just pick up a pencil and simply start there!

You never really know it might just be,

that you too will fall in love with stupid poetry!