Approximate reading time: 2min

Written the 24 May 2021

Three weeks of yoga

(I should be Zen and so calm)

But I’m compelled to vent

To raise the alarm

Fuck you irritate

 The absolute shit out of me

How on earth did I not

 Initially, see

Was I mad in my head

   To pay upfront for 3 months

After only attending a single session

(Yes, ONLY ONE!)

Was that really enough time

 To make up my mind

If this was someone genuine

And emotionally aligned

It’s those annoying plans you sketch

Every single week

As you talk about YOUR intentions

And outcomes for me….

Your reluctance to venture

Away from YOUR grid

Not finish your plans

 Oh HEAVEN forbid!

You do realise I actually have

My OWN intentions and ideas

My OWN personal reasons

For deciding to turn up here…

My intentions were simple

To learn to connect to my breath

Get in tune with my body

To emotionally connect

To build a relationship

Where I feel safe and seen

Initially with you

But more importantly, with me

Alas, no such relationship

Has started to form

Irritation and frustration

Rather seems to be our norm

Your exasperation: I can never

Remember how to breathe

Your unspoken words:

Chick, HOW HARD CAN THIS BE?

“Look, it’s logical”

You explain:

“This is how it’s done!”

(It may be logical to you

But all I feel is dumb.)

The more irritation I sense

The more anxious I get

I don’t need another judge

I have a kazillion in my head

Your hands-on adjustments

 Cause so much pain

 I keep thinking to myself

“Should it be done this way?”

Today you passed a comment

 About a painful face that I pulled

Which was really uncalled for

(Dude, it wasn’t cool!)

“Don’t pull that face

 It doesn’t hurt that much!”

“Um, well, maybe not for you

But you are tearing my crotch!”

I mentioned I have pain

 In my lower back

You are so quick to defend

 To go on the attack

So easily on guard

You jumped to assault

It must, of course, be

My massage therapist’s fault

Your need to so quickly

Point a finger and blame

Is dam petty

non-productive

A crying fucking shame

Now I find myself in a quandary

Not sure what to do…

All I wanted was a yoga instructor

Who was emotionally attuned

*****

So, I did a CI session with a friend

What is my lesson

What is it I need to comprehend

Without a shadow of a doubt

I attracted this

(As much as I moan

As much as I take the piss)

And what I came to incidentally

Perhaps I need to learn to find my words

Express my frustration

Make myself heard

Make my needs known

 Don’t run away…

Hold my own space

When I feel triggered and disarrayed

So, I’m going to do my best

To quietly work on this

To watch my emotions and

And not so quickly dismiss

This person who drives me

A little around the bend

But let’s be clear

Yoga boy and I are unlikely

To ever be friends