Approximate reading time: 6 min
Written the 23rd May 2021
Avicii is dead!?
Three years ago!
How can this be?
How did I NOT know?
Well in fairness I know
the answer to that
Ten years ago
I made myself a pact
to stop watching the news
reading newspapers
and magazines
which only fuelled my anxiety
(with the constant negativity)
Often teased I’m like an ostrich
with my head in the sand
(But I really didn’t care
if people didn’t understand)
It was what I needed at the time
to keep myself sane
And the status quo
has pretty much
remained
The downside of course
is that I often miss things
(Like the suicidal death
of one of my musical kings)
*****
Tim Bergling- was Swedish
An electronic-dance DJ
Only sixteen years old
when he started to play
One of his greatest songs
of absolutely all times
‘Levels” for me
is like drinking moonshine
“Wake me up” another classic
(That he created in one night)
Something about this man’s music
makes my soul take flight
So, all that now being said
I feel really sad
Watching a documentary
of all the struggles that he had
A quiet
sensitive
introverted soul
Who loved creating music
but performing took its toll
The worst part of his job
Tim would say
was being the centre of attention
up on that stage
So, he drank to calm his nerves
kill his crippling anxiety
(As is sadly so often the norm
in our society)
Roughly 600 performances
in the space of two years
Left him exhausted, sick
living his worst fear
He had acute pancreatitis
medical marijuana to numb the pain
He felt like no one was listening
as he tried to explain…
“I have said, ‘I’m going to die’
I have said it so many times”
He wanted to stop touring
but he felt so confined
Frustrated that his manager
could see how sick he was
But still he was pushed
by his predatory entourage
‘Just think of all the people
who will be jobless without your tours!
‘How other people’s lives will be affected
not just yours!”
It intrigued me how this man
felt so powerless to say no…
(But I’ve never been famous
so what would I know…)
of the pressures that come
with having the world on a string…
having fame and wealth
and still feeling like nothing…
But I understand feeling powerless
not knowing what you need
Not recognising you have the right
to live anxiety free
His passivity was heart-breaking
“I just went along with the flow
I was chasing an ideal of happiness
that was never my own”
Driven by an obligation
to financially support his team
While desperately yearning
to feel emotionally free
His absolute fear of letting
his millions of fans down
(Dreading the hate mail that
‘might’ come
if he wasn’t around)
I can’t even imagine how hard
it must’ve been for this man
Who gave away millions of dollars
throughout his lifespan
With a net worth of 50 million
by the age of 28
(This was something that made
this man even more great)
In an interview, he spoke about how
he essentially came to see
How grateful he was
to have more than he would need
“When you have such an excess
the most sensible thing to do
is give it away to people
that have less than you”
A humanitarian
with a huge heart
Tim was driven by a deep desire
to make a difference in the world
to help and inspire
Tim was a seeker
who so desperately wanted inner calm
Reacting deeply to the injustices
in a world that does so much harm
He was highly sensitive for sure
And it just got to much
Living in this world
feeling so out of touch
It was in his music that he found
his absolute bliss
where he could be honest
his authentic feelings express
A musical production genius
he had so much more to give…
Loved by millions
he had so much more to live…
This story for me
is just so heartbreakingly sad
Highlighting the effect
that mental health issues can have
The dangers of striving
to keep others happy all the time
Never learning to be selfish
and draw our own line
Of not having a voice
or just never being heard
Living a life where the line
always seems blurred
When we don’t realise our own value
how precious we truly are
when we give away our power
live our life as an avatar
******
Tim’s situation underscores
how millions struggle every day
With mental illness or simply
trying to keep anxiety at bay…
How we think if we work hard
give and give more
one day we will find
the key to open that door…
To our soul
to our home
to a place where we feel safe…
Sadly, so many
never get to find that safe space
Tim, I never knew you
but I just needed to send some love
Grateful you are in a space
were you finally feel ‘enough’
It’s truly amazing
What you achieved in such a short time
How you touched so many people
The legacy you left behind
that now runs in your name
highlights that issue
still so shrouded in shame
With the hope of helping people
with mental health issues
Hopefully reaching millions
who struggled just like you
But the most beautiful part
is how your music plays on
Your energy and spirit
still so alive in your songs