Approximate reading time: 2min

Written the 24 May 2021

Three weeks of yoga

(I should be Zen and so calm)

But I’m compelled to vent

and raise the alarm!

Fuck you irritate

 the absolute shit out of me

How on earth did I not

 initially, see?

Was I mad in my head

   to pay upfront for 3 months?

After only attending a single session

(Yes ONLY ONE!)

Was that really enough time

 to make up my mind

If this was someone genuine

And emotionally aligned?

It’s those annoying plans you sketch

every single week

As you talk about your intentions

and outcomes for me….

Your reluctance to venture

away from your grid

Not finish your plans?

 HEAVEN forbid!

You do realise I actually

 have my own intentions and ideas

My own personal reasons

for deciding to turn up here…?

My intentions were simple

To simply connect to my breath

Get in tune with my body

emotionally connect

To build a relationship

where I feel safe and seen

initially with you

but more importantly with me

Alas

no such relationship

has started to form

Irritation and frustration
seem to be our norm

Your exasperation: I can never

remember how to breathe

Your unspoken words:

“Chick how hard can this be?“

“Look it’s logical”

you explain

“This is how it’s done!”

(It may be logical to you

but I’m now feeling a little dumb)

The more irritation I sense

the more anxious I get

I don’t need another judge

I have a kazillion in my head

Your hands-on adjustments

 cause so much pain

 I keep thinking to myself

“Should it be done this way?”

Today you passed a sarky comment

 about a painful face that I pulled

Which was really uncalled for

(Dude it wasn’t cool!)

“Don’t pull that face

 it doesn’t hurt that much!”

“Um well, maybe not for you

but you are tearing my crotch!”

I mentioned I have pain

 in my lower back

You are so quick to defend

 and go on the attack

You jumped to guard go on the assault

It must of course be

my massage therapist’s fault!

Your need to so quickly

point a finger and blame

Is just so petty

non-productive

a crying shame

Now I find myself in a quandary

not sure what to do…

All I wanted was a yoga instructor

who was emotionally attuned

*****

So, I decided to do a CI session with a friend

what is my lesson

What is it I need to comprehend?

Without a shadow of a doubt

I attracted this

(As much as I moan

As much as I take the piss)

And what I came to incidentally

Perhaps I should learn to find my words

express my frustration

make myself heard?

Make my needs known

 don’t run away…

Hold my own space

when I feel triggered and disarrayed

So, I’m going to do my best

To quietly work on this

To watch my emotions and

and not so quickly dismiss

this person who drives me

a little around the bend

But let’s be clear

Yoga boy and I are likely

NEVER gonna be friends