Approximate reading time: 12 minutes

Written the 3rd November 2021

I’m so proud

I’m so happy

I do declare

I’m a Bitch Narky Fink

And I don’t even care

I’m no longer keeping quiet

Just shutting my mouth

When toxic people behave badly

I’m gonna shout it out!!

I had a horrible morning

In a lovely class

The teaching assistant

Was atrocious

(Not even pretending

To wear a mask)

Let’s call her “Bellona“

(The Roman Goddess of warfare)

A tad bit dramatic?

 Well, you had to be there…

 I’m pretty good

(I think)

At sussing out difficult staff

In fact

I might have got it

Down to a fine art

Their need for superiority

 (To be the top dog)

 I’ve met these kinds

Too many times in this job

The narcissist’s wound

Impacts their need for control

With the manipulation of others

Often being their end goal

Stemming from growing up

Feeling powerless

It becomes their defence mechanism

In an attempt to redress

That balance of power

That was lost long ago

To defend the wound

That they don’t want on show

Knowing this has often helped

Get them on my side

 (Nothing cynical

Nothing at all snide)

It comes with this awareness

Of how to carefully tread

That fine line of respecting

Their influence instead

Often feeling territorial

Over ‘their’ class

Being considerate of that

Usually means a good forecast

I have on the odd occasion

Sat back and simply let

A TA teach a lesson

If it will peace beget

Because they know their kids

So many are good at what they do

If you are caring with the children

Then I’ll happily support you

Then on the odd occasion

You meet someone like THIS

It’s this instinctive reaction

Something is amiss

This visceral feeling

That hits me in my gut

“This is someone

You cannot trust!”

No mutual respect

“Bellona” wasn’t at all friendly

Not even an inch

Of kindness or comradery

“Bellona“ helped me with NOTHING

She even rolled her eyes

 When I tried to ask her a question

She didn’t attempt to disguise…

Her disdain

Her contempt

That she felt for me

(It’s never personal

But that doesn’t make it ever easy)

I’m not blind to the fact

It’s also got to do with me

Meeting toxic types

Sets off my triggers easily

Because alas, yes

 I too have a narky part

Lest we forget Mara-Kares

The defender of my heart

If she senses that energy

Of haughtiness and control

Instinctively her emotional

Boundaries will unroll…

 She has learnt to stand firm

Not fizzle away

She sends a clear message

 “I won’t be pushed around today.”

But what upset me the most

With delightful “Bellona“

Was her angry

Overly critical

And irritable persona

Her energy with the kids

Was anything but kind

Barking impatiently at them

No presence of mind

And that is what I

HATE

Absolutely more than anything

People who are mean to kids

Are so bloody triggering

So where do I start

With this endless list

Of the many times

 I was overtly dismissed

It felt like everything I asked

Was silently spurned

“Bellona” was oppositional

At each and every turn

If I tried to get the class’s

Attention to speak

She’d completely ignore me

(Like I was speaking Greek)

So, I’d repeat the instruction

(To the whole class)

And wait patiently for

Quietness to amass

No such luck it seems

“Bellona“ is selectively deaf

She continues chatting to the children

(Fuck I need a ref!)

I asked her to please

Support a group during English

She looked at me like

 I was now speaking Finnish

“They don’t need ANY help

They work fine on their own”

(Oh my God it’s like getting

Blood from a stone)

In PHSE we were learning

How to keep ‘private parts’ safe

Personally, the most important lesson

We need to teach kids today

That they have the power to stand up

And simply say no

That people hurting their bodies

Is a definite no go

She pulls a child up from the carpet

To go with her and read

I politely requested the child stay

This was important for her to see

“Bellona“ was livid

She glares a look

“Bitch die!”

Mara-Kares held her glare

Unfazed eye-to-eye

She spits out

“She doesn’t need to do PSHE

She needs to come

And she needs to read”

It was beyond unprofessional

Done in front of the whole class

I felt frozen

I felt stuck at an impasse

I remained silent because honestly

What could I say?

(Clearly, I’m not

The teacher today)

Just before lunchtime

 I suddenly see

Children walking out of class

 With no word from me

Returning with coats

 I’m a little confused

I’m still teaching the lesson

They hadn’t been excused

 Of course, she’s dismissing them

At her own accord…

And it was at this point in time

I couldn’t take it anymore

Because never in my life

(And I’ve been doing this a long time)

Have I worked with a TA

Who is the opposite of alkaline

I asked her to please

Just let me know

What the routines are in the class

When and where the kids should go

She snaps at me furious

“The children know what to do”

What part of

“I AM the teacher!”

Is not getting through?

Because if something

ANYTHING ever happens to a kid

Who do you think will be responsible

And then have to live…

With the consequences and repercussions

 I can guarantee

It will always be the teacher

And yes today THAT’S me!

I’m happy to continue with ANY systems

 Already in place

 Just have the manners to explain them

Upfront to me

Face to face

Rather than attempting to undermine

Everything I do

 I wish I’d had the courage

To speak my whole truth

But I did say:

“I am the teacher

So please could you tell me”

At which point she stood up

And yelled bitterly

“How dare you speak to me

Like that in front of the kids”

And she stormed out of class

(In a flat tailspin)

 I wasn’t really shocked

Or even appalled

I’ve seen this type of behaviour

So many times before

Little toddlers

Who’ve quite simply

Never grown up

Unable to deal with their emotions

They are rude and abrupt

And it’s so predictable how people

With high traits of narcissism

Are unable to handle feedback

Or any ‘perceived’ criticism

And when you attempt to speak up

All they feel is blame

Blowing up is their attempt

At reflecting their own shame

And all of a sudden you will find

Them pinpointing you

With all of their faults

(That they hope will stick like glue)

“Bellona” stormed out to complain  

To the teacher next door

Who then walked into the class

And was at a loss when she saw

Me teaching the children

(AND doing a good job)

She hung around a bit

Before returning to my lynch mob

Because undoubtedly

The staff know what this TA is like

Easier to humour difficult people

Than deal with their bite

But I was consciously aware

This time I was strong

I didn’t start blaming myself

Trying to pin-point my wrong

I didn’t cry or dysregulate

 (Well not that very much)

Although at lunchtime

 I saw

My cheeks were crimson-flushed

I didn’t attempt to verbally

Make ‘peace’ or engage

In a desperate effort

“Bellona’s” feelings to assuage

I didn’t find myself trying

To explain or defend

(Usually driven by a need

To clear my name, make amends)

Because I have done all of that

And so much more, in the past

I’ve learnt defending is futile

You usually come last

Masters of projection

They’ll so easily reflect

What’s going on for them

Inside their head

You’ll be gaslighted and tarred

With the most fantastical crimes

You’ll be left with egg on your face

Most of the time

You can’t argue a point rationally

Or clarify your truth

With people who will happily

Lie about you

And in fairness, I don’t think

It’s a conscious thing…

Their defence mechanism is simply

To project everything

I’m so grateful to have learnt

From Dr Ramani

How to be conscious of the red flags

That I initially might see

D.E.E.P is an acronym

A simple technique

( l have learnt)

To help myself stop

Continually getting burnt

This simple reminder

Has helped me to immunise…

Myself against the toxicity

That can be thrown at you

To remind me to take a breath:

“This has nothing to do with you”

But something I did do

For the first time

(I reported her narky arse

I outlined her crimes)

I did!

I did!

I went straight to the top

I shared her behaviour with the head teacher

Because this toxicity needs to stop!

These noxious people

Are like tiny pustules

That languish and infect

So many of our schools

Children should be our most

Valued commodities

Schools should be kind spaces

Free from animosity

The sad reality is many children

Already live in toxic catacombs

That frankly would never

Be classified as safe homes

So, I ignored Neurotic Angel

Telling me not to be a snitch

I embraced the reality

That I might be dubbed a bitch

Because I’m so done

I’m so over

Turning a blind eye

Which seems to become the norm

When you are a supply

But the beauty of my job

Is I never need to go back

I simply won’t accept any more work

From that school on my app

Because there are hundreds

And hundreds of schools every day

So many other jobs

Continually coming my way

But what surprised me the most

Was how the complaint was received

(The complaint that was made

By little old me)

The head teacher was understanding

The impression I got

Perhaps not the first complaint about “Bellona”

(Mmm…maybe not)

He was grateful, reassuring

He couldn’t stress enough

How sorry he was

That my day had been tough

I felt valued

I felt seen

I felt relatively proud

I found my voice

I expressed my concerns

And feelings out loud

But wait!!

But WAIT!!!

The absolute best part of my day

I didn’t need to rush home

(Not straight away)

With no online teaching

I could simply take my time

Grab a coffee, chill out

Document my life in rhyme

So I’m sitting in Starbucks 

Drinking a Chai

Writing this poem

Watching people go by

Then I get to go home

And have a relaxing bath

Looking forward to tomorrow

My  mid-week day off

As well as letting go

Of most of my online kids

I have decided to start

Breaking up my week

I’m only teaching four days

 Wednesday will be off

 And yes that means

Less money, of course

But at this point in my life

My only concern

Is me being happy and healthy

While learning to discern

What my body needs

To relax and let go

 I am figuring it out slowly

Learning to go with the flow

Having faith that the universe

Has other plans for me…

A life that’s calm and happy

A life free from anxiety