Approximate reading time: 10 minutes
Today I saved a swan!!
I did!!
This morning I was walking Beautiful Bailey down by the canals we look up to see this poor creature on the road, trying to squeeze through the bars so she could get back onto the water.
It took me a couple of seconds just staring at her before I realise that she shouldn’t actually be there and that she was stuck.
(Why she simply didn’t just fly over, is beyond me…swans can fly can’t they?)
But there you have it….one highly confused and agitated swan.
Whom I shall call Daisy!
There was a rather perturbed-looking man on the street who said he had been trying to get Dasiy back down the stairs for the last 30 minutes or so……
so I offered to help!
’cause I HAD a dog!
And dogs are scary!
I head back up onto the road and Bailey and I start walking towards Daisy.
(I’m doing my best to look intimidating…. )
Bailey, being a Beagle, was not the least bit interested in helping Daisy, she was more interested in the leftover pizza slice someone had thrown on the ground.
After prying the ‘icky’ thing from her mouth I walk on…..
Daisy initially seems scared and walked away from us towards the stairs…..but then she did a U-turn and heads back towards us while hissing and flapping her wings.
I squeal and jump out of her way!
(Dammit I’m such a girl!!)
Swan-man sighs and says:
“That’s all she does, walk back and forward on the same spot.”
I see all Daisy’s little swan friends have gathered on the canal and are looking up at her rather lovingly- she clearly doesn’t want to leave their sight.
Unfortunately, to get her to the stairs she will need to pass a thicket of bushes which means she won’t be able to see them or the water for about 2 metres.
I try explaining that to her…
“It’s a short-term loss for a loooooooooong term gain Daisy”…..
But
bless, it’s just too much for her little swan brain to comprehend!
(I’m still secretly willing her to fly!)
Daisy continues to walk back and forth on the same spot for about 15 minutes….hissing and flapping like crazy.
What to do?
What to do?
During that time Bailey manages to relocate dirty pizza slice and devours it.
(She is no help.)
Swan-man looks rather distraught and says he has to go to work.
I reassure him that I shall STAY!!
I will be the defender of the swan!!!
(Bailey is slightly annoyed that HER walk has turned into….. THIS!)
I google the damage that can be done if you are attacked by a swan..
….apparently, it’s minimal.
They are more show and bluster than anything else!
Good to know!
I will myself to be BRAVE and not back down when Daisy starts her hissing and flapping shit!!
Just stand firm!!!
Be strong!!!!
Don’t let her bully you.
It’s just a bloody swan!!!
I fail hopelessly.
But in my defence, I have Baily with me.
(She isn’t my dog you know, what would her parents say if she was malled by a ferocious swan and lost an EYE!!
I have to protect Bailey you know!!!!!!!)
Another man stops….he doesn’t speak English but he looks brave and strong.
He attempts to walk her in the direction of the steps and she suddenly turns onto the road.
I quickly run around onto the road and stand there trying to prevent her from becoming road kill.
A couple of seconds later a man rides past on his bicycle and shouts:
“Get out of the road you fucking wanker!”
My first thought was: “Wow now there’s someone who has non-existent mentalizing skills!!!”
And then I burst out laughing and shouted:
“Have a lovely day!!!”
(My CAUSE is bigger than dick-heads today!)
I know, I know it’s not very kind to laugh at miserable people….but 10 years ago I would have burst into tears…so that is at least progress,
Don’t you think?
Anyway, where was I?
……so all of a sudden Daisy decides to retreat again and starts hissing at ‘Brave-looking’ man. He throws his hands in the air mutters something in his foreign language and walks away.
(Some people just have no staying power these days!)
Daisy and I do our dance for another 5 minutes or so, but it wasnt getting us anywhere.
Shame she looks exhausted, it looks like she has been out here for hours.
Another woman joins me, she also doesn’t speak much English.
But at least I’m not alone!!!
(Unfortunately, she is also a bit squeamish when it comes to Daisy’s hissing!!)
5 minutes later a young man walks up and offers to help.
(Mmmm…he doesn’t look very intimidating)
He walks right up to Daisy and just stands there.
She hisses and flaps, and bites his leg.
(But he is fearless I tell you!!!)
He doesn’t budge an inch!
Then the ‘other-random- lady’ starts dropping bread crumbs for Dasiy to eat and she seems to be following the trail, although not eating anything.
(Never fear, we have a Beagle on hand who is only too happy to hoover them all up. She is also mildly elated that her walk suddenly got better)
The man is steadfast…
he is moving FORWARD only!!!
He is clearly not intimidated by one mildly traumatized swan.
(NOTE to self: Don’t judge a book by its cover!!)
We finally get her onto the steps.
(Mmmm…granted at that point all I was doing was taking photographs….but let’s not split hairs about that!)
Daisy kind of stood there for a bit looking at the stairs…
…and then did this weird half-flying, half-ninja role and landed with a thud in a feathery pile at the bottom of the stairs!!
It was the happiest moment ever I tell you!!
Daisy was SAVED!!!!!!
Bailey and I go home for a much-needed nap!
(It really took it all out of her:-)
Random info:
There is this Danish guy on Utube called Martin Decoder who does statement analysis of people’s conversations.
I am in love with him.
(Look at that face!)
He uses this deadpan, monotone voice – randomly interjecting it with his quirky sense of humour! I am not sure if that’s how he normally speaks or if he is simply putting it on for entertainment purposes.
But if he is putting it on, then it works.
I love his videos and I have learnt so much from him.
It’s almost like reading body language except he reads the words that people use instead….
it’s fascinating!
He often highlights when people do a “humble brag”.
So basically a humble brag is when you wrap up a brag in a type of false humility. It allows someone to boast about their achievement in an indirect way without having to feel shame or guilt about it.
These are some examples from Twitter. 1
Now just for the record…..
me telling you that I saved a swan is definitely NOT a humble brag!
It is a full-on 100% Fucking brag!!!
There is nothing humble about it!!!
Let’s be clear I feel no shame and noooooo guilt!
In 2010 when I was in India I saved a puppy, in 2018 I saved a pigeon NOW in 2023
I have SAVED A SWAN!!!
When I die (at 108 ) and God asks me what I have achieved on this earth! I will be able to say:
“I am Florence NightingGayle beloved animal rescuer who has saved
a puppy,
a pigeon
and a swan!!!!”
(And I will have documented evidence to show him!!)
And I shall receive a free pass through those pearly white gates:-)
Now isn’t that worth writing about?
Credits:
The 50 Funniest ‘Humble Brags’ on Twitter https://twistedsifter.com/2011/05/funniest-humble-brags-on-twitter/