Approximate reading time: 2min
Written 3 September 2022
This morning was lovely
I meditated for so long
It’s usually 20 minutes
And then my body’s done
But today I sat comfortably
A full 40-minute slot
More able to relax
Less anxious about the knot
That clenches my heart
That grips it so tight
More able to remind myself
That everything’s alright
And I’m dog-sitting a bulldog
Bella is pretty old
A beautiful geriatric
With oodles of folds
In her gorgeous house
That feels like an Airbnb
The perks of dog-sitting
A mini holiday for me
Six weeks of NO school
So grateful for this time
To sit down quietly
Knitting with rhyme
So many poems to edit
That all rushed out at once
Thankful to finally
Be able to get this done
Because writing keeps me happy
It untangles my head
It wades through the chaos
Calms the noise, eases dread
But I couldn’t open “Word”
I tried for so long
I’m not really sure
What the hell’s going on
So I can’t edit anything
Not one damn thing
My patience is splintering
At this annoying little kink
I suck down my irritation
At modern technology
Luckily, I have a brother
Who’s an expert in IT
And I love this dog
I honestly do
But she follows me everywhere
Sticking like glue
And then she lies there snoring
Like a rusty chainsaw
Good God, it’s relentless
It’s irritating to the core
And there are builders next door
Hammering away
Puncturing the peacefulness
Of this gorgeous sunny day
And I want to feel relaxed
I really do
But I’m plagued by this colour
Of tepid, insipid blue….
And I’m crying a lot
It comes in waves
This feeling of loneliness
That might never go away
I know loneliness is universal
Everyone has their time
When we need to master this feeling
And still know
That we’re fine
Perhaps it comes when
Your partner dies
When your kids leave the nest
One day it arrives
But I’m a little out of order
I have none of those things
Still wading through the emotions
So I do understand
My time is simply now…
I know I’ll get through it
Some way and somehow
I know it’s an illusion
I know it isn’t real
This aching disconnection
That I so often feel
But in this moment
I’m feeling
a little lost in dorsal state
Feeling a little hopeless
Not all that great
I wish I could end on
A more positive
Happy note…
But at this moment I’m just trying
To breathe
To stay afloat
