Approximate reading time: 10 min

This week I have been dog-sitting for Tony and Seb who have both redeemed my faith in the fact that I might actually be a good mother one day:-)

Unlike Bailey who simply lies there and allows me to kiss and cuddle her 24/7, with this slight air of

“Oh, will you just get it over with please!”

Tony and Seb both seem to think I gave birth to them.

Subsequently, they spend a good proportion of their days attempting to climb back into my womb whenever possible.

On me, on my laptop, they don’t care as long as they can be as close as ‘doggily’ possible- they are happy.

(Honestly, every single girl needs a ‘Tony and Seb’ in their life:-)

Unfortunately, walking them is still a bit of a nightmare…with Seb raring to go and Tony having no desire to go anywhere.

I must confess that after 2 days I gave up trying.

(Who am I, after all, but a mere lowly dog walker ….. I do as I am told )

(Oh Good Lord!

I have turned into one of those people who think their dogs/cats/babies are the cutest in the world. )

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?????

Random Story about another bird

‘Saint-Gayle-and-her-trusty-beagle-rescue dog’ had another eventful walk this morning.

We were walking by the canals while I was messaging my best friend, Rachel, with the graphic details of last night’s insane sex dream. We kind of do that a lot – off load our manic-tangled-up dreams onto each other and then the other person pretends that they are a bonified dream-analysis expert and spew out deep psychological interpretation of what the dream might mean.

(It’s all so very therapeutic I tell you.)

Although today, mind you, I did have to tell Rachel off for laughing at my dream….it was incredibly unprofessional of her.

(If not mildly trauma-inducing)

But magnanimously I forgave her, ’cause that’s what

good, loving, kind friends do……

they forgive!

(just saying!;-)

Anyway, so I was ending off our chat when I saw a gorgeous Egyptian goose sitting on top of one of the barges and I decided to send Rachel a picture of it.

(Nature is just too beautiful not to share;-)

I found it strange that the goose barely moved and allowed me to get so close to it….

I was leaning right over the barge when Bailey started to get really agitated and was suddenly trying to jump into the water below me. When I pulled her back I saw that there was another goose stuck, squashed between the barge and the side of the canal.

Only God knows how he managed to get himself wedged in there?

But there he was,

Gilbert Goose

languishing pitifully,

while his best friend

stood by stoically

watching over him.

I was trying to find somewhere to hook Bailey’s leash so that I could try and help Gilbert and an old homeless man sitting by the side of the canal very sweetly offered to hold her for me.

I used all the superhero strength that I could muster to push the barge away from the side of the canal to try and give Gilbert some ‘fly’ space.

(Apparently, that adrenaline rush that enables mothers to lift cars off their poor pinned children does not apply when trying to rescue a random- non-related goose.)

The barge moved,

not one inch!

Two people walked past and said nothing.

(Like hello people?

There is a chick lying on her back trying to manoeuvre a 15-ton barge with her feet…..

how can you not even be curious?)

I attempted to ask the third person if she could perhaps help.

She ignored me completely.

(No, she didn’t have headphones in!)

By now the homeless old man, who must have felt sorry for me hobbled over to help, with his cane in one hand and an ever so deliriously happy Beagle

(who thought she had found her dinner, lunch AND supper!)

in the other.

A young guy walked past, probably mid 20’s or so, who looked like he was on his way to gym.

I asked him if he could help.

With the three of us pushing we were able to get the barge about half a meter away from the edge of the canal but poor Gilbert, it appeared, had just had enough…..he made a feeble attempt to flap his wings while doing that scary hissing thing….

(that you will recall from my galant Daisy Swan rescue)….

I do not like!

I realised that I would need to try and pick Gilbert up and that the only way to reach him would be to have my face pretty much right up in his face.

Fuck

This was dangerous shit!

I could lose an eye!!!

But realising that the universe had anointed me

‘Saint-Gayle-random-feathered-creature-rescuer”

I had to be brave!

Gilbert, clearly sensing my power

(or being too bloody exhausted to care)

didn’t fight back and I was able to lift him out of the water and onto the canal sidewalk with both my eyes intact!

Gilbert flopped down and waddled away absolutely dazed and confused looking like he had drunk one too many tequila’s.

He didn’t try and get back into the water ….he just walked for about 50 metres in the middle of the pathway…..CLEARLY traumatised by the whole experience, not in the least bit phased by all the humans that had to get out of his way.

(After what he had lived through, humans were the least of his troubles!)

Baily and I followed Gilbert for a bit, as I willed him to get back into the water and go and find his best buddy who had stood by his side in those dark, dark hours…..

(Best buddies don’t abandon you when the going gets tough!)

I tried to take a video of Gilbert walking

(cause it really was the sweetest little drunk swagger ever)

But while trying to sort that out I accidentally dropped Bailey’s leash and she chased Gilbert (Aka her dinner) into the water.

Gilbert was swimming.

Trauma over.

Three minutes later Gilbert was reunited with their best buddy and they made a hell of a loud ‘honking’ noise together.

It was truly beautiful I tell you.

I think the sweetest part was the young guy who had helped us. As Gilbert swaggered away he was so elated and a little lost for words really…..

He said something like:

“Oh my God, that was………that was…….I feel so, so …..

Me: “Amazing!

We saved a goose!!!”

It made me really think about how intoxicating helping others can be how alive and connected you feel….. why did it take me so many years to figure that one out?

So walking home I felt incredible, happy, invigorated, and grateful to be alive.

I also found myself contemplating this massive role the universe had thrust onto me ……

“Saint-Gayle-random-feathered-creature-rescuer“…….

This was HUGE!

Was I ready for such a mammoth commitment?

Oh, the pressure people!!!

Deep in thought, I was suddenly dived-bombed by a killer pigeon that would have taken an eye out had I not ducked!

(Seriously, I could not make this shit up)

It’s a dangerous world out there I tell you!

But I am READY!

Universe bring it on!!!!

4th March 2021

Complicit

I woke up this morning

1 am, with IBS

feeling dissociated

drowning in stress

I can talk a brave talk

I can walk a brave walk

but the truth inside

I crumble like chalk

I truly hate conflict

nastiness unfound

but at the same time

I can’t help stand my ground

If there’s one thing I despise

it’s a bully, a tyrant

who is demanding, dictates

never the least pliant

what saddens me the most

how bad behaviour is ignored

how people will give in

even if the behaviour is abhorred

I once heard the story

about a hairdresser

who had a client

who was a major stressor

she’d arrive for her appointment

(always on time)

but would absolutely refuse

to ever wait in line

not even 5 minutes was she

willing to do

she’d create a huge scene

her rage would blow through

so of course, the hairdresser

never made HER wait

too petrified to be on the receiving end

of that hate

so the kind, considerate people

who’d been waiting before

just had to accept they’d

need to wait a little more

Or how about my colleague

who emotionally bullied me for months

one of the worst experiences ever

that I’d never ever want re-done

I cried every morning

not wanting to go to school

a toxic work environment

is like swimming in a cesspool

I’d been teaching for 5 years

(I was still young at the time)

I had no idea how to explain

my horrific crime

what had I done to be treated

so horribly by her?

(I hadn’t yet learnt

that life is full of saboteurs)

it gave me deep compassion

for kids bullied at school

how it leaves you feeling powerless

never sure what to do

one morning when I simply

greeted her “hello”

she stormed the heads office

ready to blow

I will never forget

hearing her deafening yell

“I don’t want to have to EVER

speak to Miss Hill!”

my headteacher

(in all respects, a lovely man)

came to see me afterwards

rather deadpan

he solemnly implored

“Please pay her no mind

she’s beyond toxic

of the highest kind

I need to say

just between you and me

that woman is as poisonous

as poisonous as can be

Just ignore her, please

try stay out of her way

I am a little appalled

by her behaviour today”

I appreciated his comments

they made me feel less insane.

but that certainly didn’t stop

her from being rude to me again

of course, I had little choice

I soon had to leave

It was that or stay

and lose all sanity

Years later I worked with

another toxic narc

she was entitled

brash, with a nasty bark

but my first impression of her

was that I adored her so

she was gregarious, outgoing

(she put on a dam good show)

but as time wore on

I started noticing the cracks

as it slowly dawned

she was not all of that

she was manipulative, controlling

constantly competing with her peers

one teacher noted

she’d left numerous staff in tears

another one came to me

my very first week

  “Please know I am here

if you ever need to speak

 I taught with her

for the longest period of time

nothing about working

with her is sublime”

the consensus with staff,

was the leadership team was well aware

but nobody confronted her

nobody dared

they made excuses

to explain her bad behaviour away

I got ‘prepped’ on her manner

on my very first day

I got given justifications like

“Her heart’s in the right place”

“Her manner seems rough,

but that’s not really the case”

after 5 months I finally

made a formal complaint

I was just done holding back

I had no more restraint

when she was called in

and reprimanded by the head

she was absolutely livid

she came and found me instead.

I stood there as she yelled and screamed at me

“How dare you go and speak to the leadership team?”

it was like this lioness inside

finally broke free

I was just so done with taking

other people’s toxicity

“I’m not a child stop yelling at me like that!

(I felt like a warrior princess

ready for combat)

“I have the right to get support

and make a complaint

Don’t think for one second

I won’t do it again!”

I’m not sure who was more shocked

her or me?

at the forcefulness of my voice

my intensity

when I had to take this later

to the deputy head

I will never forget

how she defended and said:

  “Oh, she doesn’t really mean

it’s just her leadership style.”

Excuse me what?

“You mean ranting like a child?”

a meeting was called

so that we could all “talk”

air out our differences

she glared like a hawk

she refused to sit down

at the table with us

I stayed calm,

I sat down

I didn’t make a fuss

as she stood over me,

angrily glaring down 

I stated my case clearly

I stood my ground

although shaking like a leaf

on the inside

I held it together, I didn’t cry.

I was just so emotionally exhausted

from 5 months of her shit

I was done

lying down and taking her hits

her response to my words

was to burst into tears

she sobbed about her life

falling down around her ears

I remember thinking:

how typical

isn’t that always the way?

when confronted with hard facts

out comes the waterworks display

because when you’re the victim

and others have to look after you

you can avoid hard conversations

(that might actually be true)

so I quietly left the room

as the deputy head soothed her tears

nothing more was said

no attempt at repair

my hurt and my anger

was simply dismissed

brushed under the carpet

like it didn’t even exist

So yes it always amazes me

how many narky people there are

how toxic they can be

how bitterly they mar

their bad behaviour simply tolerated;

they get away with such a lot

they infest good communities

with their narcissistic dry rot.

the good people leave

they get up and move away

sadly it’s the toxic culture

that continues to stay