Written 4th February 2021 Gloom-filled dreams engulf me, I wake up with a heavy heart. Chaotic feelings of loss and guilt, flying off the chart The entire world is flooded, murky water everywhere. I’m completely overwhelmed, anxious, feeling scared. I take my little sister, out for a morning swim. Seriously, why did I even let …
Category: Anxiety/Depression
Young Girl
(Approximate reading time: 6 min) It’s been interesting to look back through the years at how many flatmates and friends I attracted into my life who had difficult, painful relationships with their mothers. Some of the stories I have heard have been absolutely heartbreaking but the underlying feelings and emotions are always the same. I …
The pain of not being seen
Estimated reading time: 5min I found this little story below in my journal a couple of weeks ago. The horrible thing about becoming more aware of what is going on around you is that once you start seeing something, you can’t EVER go back to “unseeing it” Which, honestly sometimes fucking sucks! I wish I …
THE ‘NO PLAN’ plan… (PART 2)
Estimated reading time 10 min The saga continues…..more tea will be needed!!😉 So a couple of weeks prior to my call with ‘Snooty RRT Lady” I stumbled across some videos online by Dr. Gabor Maté who is sought after for his expertise in addiction, stress, childhood development and childhood trauma. Rather than offering a ‘quick fix’ solution …
That WAS the plan! (PART 1)
Approximate reading time: 20 min Just warning you, you might need to make some tea….this is gonna be a long one:-) Quite a lot has gone on these last two years so I thought I might do a little catch-up with all that I have been doing with my time. I mentioned in my “The …
The Silver Lining
(Written January 2021) Asylum seekers flooding my brain, I’m teaching kiddies in the pouring rain. Mums are phoning me exhausted and overwrought. Crying their souls are lost (perhaps they’ve been bought?) Mrs Shawnigan’s moaning, imploring me: “They said my friend’s negative? How can that be?” “We’ve been friends for years, she’s always had my back! …
The nice-cissists
Estimated reading time: 8 min I feel like 2020 was my wake-up call. I wrote about my experiences in “The stars are aligning” with much humour and jest but those 5 months were anything but fun for me. In hindsight, it was like the universe finally decided ENOUGH ALREADY!! (Oh that one!) A couple of …
Processing Grief: Clearing the space for Little Anjezë
(Reading time is approximately 25 min Hello all So I was searching through my 196 poems trying to figure out which one next? Neurotic Angel, of course, was demanding that I find a happy one. “Gees you need to lighten the mood a bit! If you are not careful you are going to lose half …
The Parts of Me
(Written 14th March 2021) I was lying in bed Struggling to get up This overwhelming feeling My heart is shut Anxiety has gripped me Badly this week Poetry has been hiding Refusing to speak Most days I struggle To even meditate I’ve cried so much It’s hard to regulate So, I crawl back into bed …
Anxiety
Hello all, So, on re-editing the old posts that I found in my “Post Graveyard” I found myself a wee bit confused. Wow! I sounded so happy! I said things like “Life was great” and “I have so much to be grateful for“. I just sounded so dam fucking perky! I found a huge part …