Approximate reading time: 6 min

Written 1st July 2021

It’s been a horrible week

Triggering so much shame

Dealing with a toxic parent

who is so quick to blame

I wish I had the courage

to call her on her shit

To stand up for myself

put a stop to this

But alas that’s not happening

I just suck it all down

In the running for biggest coward

I would win the crown

I am angry, I am frustrated

I feel so very hurt….

So, I just need 5 minutes

to get it all purged…

Look I can’t fight demons

that I cannot see

If your child is happy in school

(As happy as can be)

Afterschool restraint collapse

is 100% real

When children learn to mask

how they genuinely feel

They are happy and delightful

such a pleasure to teach

But as soon as they get home

they might start to yell and screech

Rant

Rave

have absolute meltdowns

it’s a little scary to watch

or even be around

The hard part is so often

teachers cannot believe

This perfect child is anything

 other than what they see

That it’s really not that bad

 How can it be so?

This is NOT the child

that they have got to know

So, parents are blamed

(They MUST be doing something wrong)

If the child behaves at school

Surely, it’s the parents who aren’t strong

But it’s not about parenting skills

just the child’s ability to cope

How these children mask all their anxiety

until they get home

This kind of behaviour

can affect one and all

 and it doesn’t only happen

 with children that are small

The children affected the most

are the highly sensitive

those with learning difficulties

or the more socially tentative

Adjusting to school schedules

not knowing what comes next

missing their parents

all have an effect

Having to sit for long periods

concentrating all the time

Causes anxiety for some students

that they just cannot define

They hold it all together

 (The angels of the class)

but when they get home

they morph into the contrast

Tantrums, screaming, anger, rage

It’s an exhausting way

to have to end your day

“So, I GET it Lady!“

I know what’s going on

The child I see at school

is not the same one

that you deal with in your home

but honestly, I’m doing my best!

To create a safe space

 where your child feels at rest

No one understands anxiety

more than me

I am so conscious of her issues

genuinely

But when we met to discuss

To try and formulate a plan

you were cold and dismissive

before we even began

You ignored me completely

(I might as well have not been there)

You talked only to the head teacher

While dropping me the odd glare

Your child is on the autistic spectrum

(PS In my class I have 3)

Structure and routine

are what ALL THESE KIDS need

But my Teaching Assistant

Was moved out 5 weeks ago

To go and help support nursery

that was on a rocky road

So, things haven’t been easy

We’ve ALL been adjusting to the change

But when I heard about your child’s anxiety

I apologised all the same

It breaks my heart to know

that a child is struggling anywhere

I love all my kids

and I genuinely do care

So I did my best to apologise

 I had no idea what was going on

(But in fairness how could I?

I’m not living in your home)

You made not one single attempt

to speak directly to me

Instead, you run to the head teacher

With all that you aggrieve

But now conscious of her issue

more aware of her anxiety

I have done my very best

to work with her sensitivities

I do regular check-ins

to see if she’s ok

I do my utmost to prepare her

 for any changes in the day

But still, you write your emails

 I can do nothing right

Honestly, it feels like

all you want to do is fight

I have such genuine lovely relationships

with the other parents in my class

Connecting well with parents

 is such an integral part

Of how I want to teach

it’s not just about the child

Relationships with parents

should be lovingly styled

*******

The worst part

This sinking feeling

 in the gut of my soul

I don’t feel supported by the school

as they constantly console…

this toxic women

with all her unfair complaints

As she rants and raves

with so little constraint

And no this isn’t the first time

I have been in this space

A couple of weeks ago another

parent yelled in my face

In front of her child

she was belittling and rude

I stood frozen on the spot

Not sure what to do

All I could do was walk away

(I burst into tears)

Aggressive conflict

is the worst of my fears

When I brought this incident

to the leadership team

I was a little shocked

by what was said to me

“Oh we know that mum is toxic

 shame that poor child”

It was almost laughable

how easily it was brushed aside

I queried if anything

would be done about this?

“I’ll give the mum a call

and see how she is?”

(Excuse me what?)

I couldn’t believe my ears

Keeping parents ‘happy’

seems to be the norm

(It appears)

What about addressing

the real issue that is at hand

Standing up for your staff

 acknowledging that you understand

Putting boundaries down with parents

 simply saying politely

“Yelling at my staff

will not be taken lightly”

Because I’m paid to do a job

 and I do this job well

My kids are mostly happy

(As far as I can tell)

But I didn’t sign up to be

Yelled at or constantly maligned

by parents

who are mean

 and quite simply unkind

I have 23 little souls

that I diligently watch out for

23 parents

who leave their hearts at my door

You constantly sing your staffs praises

 You make such a wonderful fuss…

So why is it so incredibly hard

For you to stand up for us?