Approximate reading time: 3 min

Written the 27th July 2021

I was doing a CI session

Tonight with a new friend

I couldn’t stop crying

From the moment we logged in

He was patient and kind

not a worry on his face

“Your tears are welcome Gayle

Let’s give them some space.”

“It’s crazy!”

I say

“I don’t even know what’s wrong

I’ve been happy and so chilled

the whole entire day long

I meditated

I did some yoga

I read a healing book

I didn’t beat myself up

For the 11 a.m. nap I took

But as soon as I sat down

and turned on the screen

something just triggered

 Deep inside of me

It’s like I do all these

“things”

that qualify as loving self-care

But I still can’t numb the voice

 Constantly ringing in my ear

Granted the voice has softened

 significantly through the years

It no longer yells

but it consistently reappears

More

More

More

There is so much more to do

…look even being on holiday

Isn’t enough for you

If you are going to publish this book

then focus

GET IT DONE

You need to pull your socks up

Finish what you’ve begun

It’s like this gentle humming drone

 continuously in my head

That gratefully discontinues

When I crawl exhausted into bed

Although that said

It does so often

 morph into my dreams

A continual reminder

You are still not all you can be!

Consequently, I banned

myself from writing new poems

Put down the pen Gayle

LEAVE it alone

You have over 100 written

It’s enough for your bloody book

Just edit what you have

Quietly take a look

But then it dawned on me today

With such crystal clear clarity

That I was missing the point

(So fundamentally)

I write to soothe my soul

It’s truly as simple as that

It’s my way of inner dialoguing

When I feel a little flat

I have good days

I have amazing ones

Those pretty much in between

Days that feel fucking crap

That completely get away from me

The point of writing poetry

It’s simply my safe space

Where my healing comes

Where all my emotions are embraced

So, I made an executive decision

(About three minutes ago)

It really doesn’t matter

How long ‘poetry’ needs to grow

I’m lifting my ridiculous ban

simply continuing to write

Reminding myself that poetry

is what helps me sleep at night