Approximate reading time: 2 min

Written 27th July 2021

So continuing with my session

my friend asked me the age

Of this inner little critic

Who keeps taking centre stage

Urg I know who it is

 Neurotic Angel through and through

My inner teenage counterpart

Who sticks to me like glue

She never feels nearly

ever good enough

Everything about her

always feels too much

So, we chatted about her reality

what goes on in her head

then he asked me the CI question

(That I particularly dread)

“What do you need to say

To help this teenage part

feel a little less lonely

and more connected to your heart?”

Instant anger and irritation

Rapidly occurred

I acknowledged begrudgingly…

“I don’t want to say a fucking word!”

I personally don’t like teenagers

not one tiny little bit

(As someone who adores children

that’s pretty hard for me to admit)

Mind you, I don’t hate them

they just fill me with fear

if I had a choice to make

I wouldn’t keep them near

They make me so uncomfortable

I feel awkward as shit

Like I’m 13 again

So wholly unfit

If they are quiet and shy

they don’t make any noise…

they trigger all those feelings  

of never having my own voice

But if they are loud and confident

and find it easy to chat

…slight jealousy and irritation…

Why couldn’t I have been like that?

I was intrigued to have this reaction

(Especially if I want kids one day)

It’s not like when they turn 13

I can have them shipped away

Could it be that I’m projecting

 My pent-up anger and hidden shame

on all unsuspecting teenagers

Simply making them to blame?

Still stuck in that time

 when I felt lost and alone

Just aching for a space

Where I could feel at home

And is it a mere coincidence

What I am reading right now

A chapter on forgiveness

And how we can allow

Compassion for ourselves

Learning to let go

Acknowledging old wounds

That stand in the way of our growth

So, I came from my session thinking

Perhaps it’s finally time

That I forgive this inner teenager

(Who never seems to toe the line)

Forgive her bitter anger

Forgive her jealous heart

Have compassion and acceptance

For all she desperately wants to impart

To tell her she is beautiful

She is quite simply just   

And that there is space in my heart

to hold her with