Approximate Reading time: 6 min
Written 4th April 2012
I’m feeling a little irritated
going to purge it out
A random comment passed today
Which was essentially about…
(the horrible cook)
On our engagement yesterday
in which we both partook
The headteacher gave reassurance
I’m not the only one
Who finds dealing with this person
anything but fun
It was asserted that currently
there was a list mile long
of the hurtful things
that this woman had done
Acknowledgement was made
lots of staff have complained
and yet it was said
to me all the same:
“Please kill her with kindness
be the bigger one
Let’s not give her ammunition
to shoot her gun”
Say what?
Seriously?
Are you taking the piss?
My ears couldn’t believe
was I hearing this?
Of course, I said nothing
While the inner voices raged
Please explain to me why
her behaviour is deemed ok?
I stood up for a child
who was not being treated well
That’s not a crime
as far as I can tell.
And yes I laughed at her glare
her look of disgust
A knee-jerk retaliation
I certainly didn’t start all this fuss
In my childlike way
I was attempting to defend
so why am I the one
expected to make amends?
I’ve spent years of my life
“Doing the right thing!”
Sucking down my anger
Ignoring the sting
“Turn the other cheek”
Try my best to be ‘nice’
While I ignore bad behaviour
and my heart in its vice
I am just so done
so fucking completely worn
of being so inauthentic
always feeling so torn
So yes, being the “BIGGER” person
is so noble to be
but not at the sake
of my own authenticity
And I’m so confused as to how
If so many others have complained
you protect this woman
allow her toxicity to remain?
It got me thinking about my hero
Dr Ramani
(And yes, I’ve become
an obsessed devotee)
The topic of “enabling”
how we so often appease
We simply do nothing
when we feel ill at ease
When we ignore bad behaviour
simply look the other way
turning a blind eye
to the hurtful things
narcissists say
Some of the comments
that Dr Ramani reveals,
that enablers use to gaslight
how you feel
“Don’t be so sensitive
they didn’t mean it the way you think.. ..”
Invalidates your experience
leaving you feeling hoodwinked
“Shame they had a tough upbringing”
Meaning cut them some slack
they have a perfectly valid reason
for behaving like that!
Or how about
“Come on it’s really not All THAT bad”
minimizing any feelings of anger
you might have had
Another invalidating statement
that so easily condemns
“Well, I’ve never had
ANY trouble with them“
Dr Ramani explains
the reason might simply be
the narcissist is emboldened as
that person refuses to see…
That by turning a blind eye
they continually condone
So of course the narcissist
might leave them alone
Ramani goes on to
clearly point out
The danger of always giving
narcissists the benefit of the doubt….
The lack of acknowledgement
someone is not being treated well
often leaves victims of abuse
feeling truly dismal
Like it’s all their fault
because others won’t see
the damage that can be done
with this toxicity
So, with no consequences
let’s just maintain the status quo
Victims of narcissistic abuse
feel lost and alone
Their mental health is corroded
The damage goes on
As the toxic environment
quietly carries on