Approximate reading time: 2min

Written 7 September 2022

Something amazing
Happened today
It’s nothing gigantic
In any kind of way

I was walking to the shops
This warm glow in me
When I passed workmen building
On the other side of the street

When they dropped a massive
Humongous steel bar
Which fell to the ground
So incredibly hard

And as the loud bang reverberated
Everywhere, all around
I didn’t react at all
To the slightly deafening sound

I didn’t flinch
I didn’t jump
Out of my skin in fright
I simply kept walking
I felt perfectly alright

And I’m grinning to myself
About this slight change in me
It’s like my auditory sensitivity
Is now dialled down to a three….

It’s hard to explain this feeling
Of simple groundedness
Not continuously anxious
Not hypervigilant and on edge

My body is calmer
I’m smiling so much more
And people are smiling back
So much more than before

And other small changes
That seem so worthwhile
Bizarrely I notice
A weird shift in my smile…

Muscles in my cheeks
That now feel engaged
Such a strange thing to notice
Such an odd change

A gentle smile has become
My default naturally
I am so excited about these changes
I’m so grateful for SSP

Then a young pregnant woman
Sat next to me on the bus
I didn’t find myself feeling emotional
Triggered or crushed

I wasn’t sucked down by that grief
That so often rears its head
About never being a mother
That overwhelming feeling of dread

She was just another person
It was just another day
I’m so hopeful this new calmness
Will stick around and stay

Compared to a month ago
This feels pretty unreal…
Not constantly feeling like a victim
To all that I feel

I’m currently listening to SSP
Hour number three
Two more hours left
Then I’m finished completely

And it’s incredible to think
Simply listening to filtered tunes
Has had the ability to help
My nervous system retune

And I’m not singing a triumphant
“OMG, I’m cured!”
I’m simply noticing small changes
That leave me reassured

That fill me with hope
That remind me to stay strong
As I slowly rediscover
A place where I belong