Day 22: Be Brave Challenge

Ok, truth be told: I feel like the inspiration has dried up a bit. Not that I don’t have things I still want to write about but frankly writing every day is beginning to feel a little like a full-time second job (that I’m not getting paid for😣).Constance made the mistake of suggesting that I take a night off after she found me sleeping on the classroom floor for the third afternoon last week. Ummm was she nuts? I can’t take a day off from a 40-day challenge!!! I scolded her profusely for even suggesting it, then made mental note: next 40-day challenge, take weekends off. It does make me wonder how full-time journalists write columns every day. But then have to remind myself that it is their only job and they aren’t also having to find energy for 35 plus little darlings every week as well🤗🤗🤗.

Once I do finally get into bed I am so overtired I rarely sleep properly and often wake up at 3 or 4 am. Now anyone that knows me well, knows I never usually complain. 🤐🤐🤐 Ummm ok that’s not true. My flatmate in university nicked named me Weezer! (pronounced ‘WEEEEEEEEEEEZAA!!!) after that grumpy old bag with the dog in Steel Magnolias – say no more.😫😌 I used to have a fantasy of being one of those quiet, serene people 😇that just seem to take life and its knocks so effortlessly. At my funeral people would come for miles just to say: “What a lovely woman she was she never complained about anything! ” (My gran was one of those people) Needless to say that fantasy has recently died 👻👻👻and I am embracing the fact that I am, and forever will be a Weezer….. but never-the-less still a loveable person😻😍. So although I realise my tiredness is self self-brought on I am just getting that out.
I was so exhausted Sunday morning I could barely drag myself out of bed. (Please remember I spent 9 hours at a conference on Saturday as well🤔😴😴) I eventually decided to go to the animal welfare before I went to my favourite restaurant to do what I usually do on a Sunday which is write. Reminded myself that the little kitty cats🙀😽😼 had no one to love them so I could at least do my small bit for mankind…and maybe it would give me a little bit more energy. It did not.

Sat in kitty cage covered in cat hair while Pumpkin (my favourite- he is demanding and clingy and doesn’t stop crying until I get to his cage- which kind of makes one feel immensely loved) walked all over me. Am watching people walking dogs, looking at me somewhat strangely. Thoughts drift sadly to how much I miss my two friends Rachel and Ntombi. Coming to the SPCA was something we used to do together. (that and other things of course😮) All of a sudden random thought pops into head: “You don’t even like cats, you are a dog person.” Oh, fuck what’s happening to me?💀💀😵😳 Was this the beginning stages of me turning into the Proverbial Cat Lady! Decided I had to get out of there ASAP, but then passed another set of cages with sweet little faces staring at me and ended up staying a wee bit longer. (I’m such a sucker🍭)

I got to the car, attempted to brush off copious amounts of cat hair and decided I couldn’t possibly go into a restaurant looking like that. So I went home to go and change. Got home and then decided I couldn’t possibly go to the restaurant as had absolutely no desire whatsoever to write ANYTHING and wasn’t in the mood to watch other people being happy. Crawled back into bed and sleep for another 3 hours, and woke up feeling mildly more human.

Phoned my brother Bruce to inform him that I thought he might have ADHD🤖. I got the feeling he didn’t take my informal diagnosis seriously. Thought he might thank me for the insight but he just laughed. (You have never seen anyone hyper focus likely my brother. Wild horses will not drag him away from what he is doing) Suggested he tries Ritalin. Again he just laughed. (He will thank me one day). Had my first life-coaching session with a friend which actually went pretty well….she thanked me for my insight. 🙏I felt relatively proud of myself, maybe I can actually do this life coaching thing! 💪🙅😜

This morning I woke up from another shattered night’s sleep only to remember that I had had a dream about my mother. Was horrified that she had come to talk to me and I kept telling her to go away because I was too tired to talk to her. I know it’s just a dream, but anyone who has lost a family member will know how precious those dreams are. Felt really deflated but reminded myself that I could get a hug from Constance at school. Walked into our classroom only to discover her fan club has now grown from three children to about 7 children👯👯👯👯.

(Look, I am happy they love her and all, but I needed my hug dammit.) Attempted to think of way to get them to all leave. Tried to send subliminal messages but they were all ignored. 🙍Five minutes to the bell I managed to shoo the little cherubs out and get my hug. Thank God. 😌Rest of the day was good but the absolute highlight was looking forward to making my favourite dinner cauliflower pizza. Thought maybe I could post a picture of it plus the ingredients and that could count as tonight’s post. (Would that have been cheating?) Vague recollections of me writing a post in my previous blog, 8 years ago how I would NEVER, EVER be that person who took photos of their food for other people.🙈🙈

Then I got sent the text message from my flatmate.

I took it as a sign that the universe wanted me to post a picture of my cauliflower pizza!!!😌 Which I am! (Plus a picture of what my kitchen looks like when I cook- good thing my flatmate has the job of cleaning up after me – I can hear her now…music to my ears😂😂)