Sorry, it has been so long since I have written. But….. as I mentioned in my last post in August I do have a good excuse. 😉To cut a really loooooong story (-ish), around July last year I suddenly decided that I needed to get out of Port Elizabeth. No offence to PE, at all…( I will always be a PE girl at heart💖).  I moved back home from London in 2010 so that I could spend time with my father who wasn’t well. Subsequent that, in the last 8 years, I have had to say goodbye to both my parents. After my mum died in 2016 things just haven’t felt the same. The truth, for me, is that PE is a great little city if you are married with 2.2 kids and ready to settle down. I am neither. I felt like I was stagnating. It was time for me to leave.🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

So I will admit I have had this niggling desire for change for the last three years or so. As a teacher, I truly love all my students …. I love that they are these beautiful little souls and that I have this incredible opportunity to make a small impact in their lives. Working with them is always inspiring for me and for the record: Them, I LOVE!!!💞 Teaching, umm…not sooo much. I know that I am good at my job, and I do ‘enjoy’ it but If I’m truly honest with myself my gut knows that standing in a classroom isn’t what I am meant to be doing for the next 20 years.

My problem is this….I seem to be driven by this uncontrollable desire to live my life feeling more than just ‘satisfied’ with my work. I want to be in that (growing) minority of the people that have found their ‘dharma’ – who are living purpose-filled lives and who know without a shadow of a doubt that they are doing ‘that thing‘ that absolutely makes their soul sing…. I want passion, I want creativity, I want it all!!
Hopelessly idealistic? (Yup, that’s me! I won’t argue with you there🤗)….but I have, over the last 10 years or so, read countless books, watched hundreds of TED talks and listened to umpteen podcasts of people that are doing exactly that…so I really don’t see why its not possible for little old me?

It’s interesting when I think about my mother. I truly believe that her dharma was to be a teacher. It was something she had always wanted to do and I can remember a handful of occasions, while growing up, where she expressed her regret and disappointment at never being allowed to do it. She was unfortunately pulled out of school in standard 8 and sent to train on the new Burroughs machines that had just been brought to South Africa. Obviously, her parents thought, that they were doing the best thing for her, providing her with a clerical skill that would be beneficial and guarantee her work. But it wasn’t her choice, she desperately wanted to finish school, go to university and teach! When my mum was about 62 years old she started teaching a course that was connected to her church. While I sadly never got to see her teaching I have had a couple of people comment in the last few years on how good she was at this. I also remember her telling me about a year before she died how truly happy she was to finally be doing the thing she loved the most. For me, it was a huge wake-up call that I didn’t want to wait until my 60’s to find my path….. life really is too short!

So what exactly is it that I want to do with my life? ….mmmm…unfortunately for me, (and no doubt billions of other people worldwide- sadly I am not that unique!🙄 ) my life’s dharma has never been that clear cut. I truly envy those people that have known since they were three that they were going to be a dentist. I, on the other hand, seem to have a whole host of things that absolutely make my soul sing and quite frankly I can’t seem to figure out how to amalgamate them all into one job- (yet) or frankly find the courage to just pick one. (For the record I have discussed in previous posts my innate talent for not being able to make choices- I truly am gifted at it. ) So for the last couple of years I have been feeling stuck. And then after my mum died I decided to take a much-needed hiatus from any life-altering decision-making. So I ‘ummed’ and ‘ahhhed’ for the next 2 years while I waited patiently for the magical answer to come to me……what was I meant to be doing?

I confess, it didn’t. I am still semi-clueless. 🤷‍♀️ 😳 But this is what did dawn on me about 7 months ago…..waiting for this mystical answer was ridiculous. All I needed to do was to do something….ANYTHING! Take a step in any direction and have a little faith that the universe has my back. “Carpe Diem!!!” There are no wrong roads……we all get there in the end!! And as my personal hero, Brene Brown says…..’ It’s better to be courageous than to succeed!’

So I quit. Then I bought a ticket to London. Then I sold my car, and all my furniture, rented out my flat, packed the remainder of my life into 32 boxes for storage and here I am…exactly 3 weeks in London!!!

So that’s pretty much an update of my last 7 months…( see how much better I am getting at this brevity thing😉)

My 2019 New Years resolutions are as follows: (in no particular order of importance)

1. Don’t smoke….(I haven’t smoked for a month and 3 days! Not One! I quit my last week in SA…I figured if I can survive relocating to a whole new country without cigarettes – I can pretty much survive anything😉)
2. Remind myself daily that I have ‘phenomenal coping skills’ and that I am braver than I know!!! (Even when I am feeling petrified! – Which is pretty much daily these days.🤦‍♀️ )
3. Stay focused on living each day mindfully, say yes to new opportunities, and be a little kinder to myself (especially if I can’t see the big picture yet.)
4. …..and most importantly blog more regularly, ( at least once a week) because I LOVE IT….and it’s one of those passion-inducing, creative things that make my heart sing !!

And now….before I end off….I just wanted to say how grateful I am to my friends and family who will be joining me on this new journey. Your support and encouragement of my writing (and me in general!🤗) is so appreciated….more than you know.

PS….. Please don’t forget to subscribe for my updates! I amalgamated my last blog into this new domain so I lost all my previous followers. Technically I now only have one follow!!!😳) Thanks my little bruv!!!💜