Written 9 September 2022
Grounded
It’s been an awesome week
Floating on a chilled-out kind of high
I’m chatting to everyone
Friendliness in constant supply
It feels amazing
I feel grounded and safe
Not constantly hypervigilant
Walking on eggshells most days
I’ve felt this before
Yes, this much is true
This beautiful expansion
Where only love shines through
I named this part ‘Carys’
My inner child of love
Her arms are open wide
Beaming with ‘enough’
But something is definitely
Different this time
It’s hard to explain
Or draw a straight line
Underneath this feeling
Of joy and happiness
A robustness of spirit
More able to weather stress
And I am so grateful
For everything I’ve learned this year
About the Polyvagal Theory
And how my nervous system can veer
From Ventral to Sympathetic
In the blink of an eye
This awareness helps me
Appreciate my Ventral highs
So that’s all, really
Nothing much else to say
I’ll carry on and trust the process
And be grateful for this day
Written 14th September 2022
My side of the debate: Crate training
I woke up this morning
That familiar boot on my chest
Oh, good Lord, why are you back
Please give it a rest
But I know this time
Without a shadow of a doubt
I know what’s caused it
I know exactly what it’s about
Yesterday I said yes
To a puppy sitting job
I mean, puppies are adorable
This wouldn’t be too hard
A two-week position
A lovely holiday fill
Free to sit and study
While I earn some pound bills
Helping a single mum
Who’s working from home
Struggling and exhausted
From doing it all alone
Sandra is lovely
We had a good chat
She is engaging and affable
Living in London as an expat
But she’s crate training her puppy
And I’m sorry, I don’t agree
Crate training dogs
Is just not for me
Because I grew up with dogs
Lounging on my lap
Sleeping in my bed
None of this “containment” crap
But the argument goes
That dogs need to feel safe
So to instil this ‘sense of safety’
We lock them in a cage
Then we can leave them for hours
“Don’t worry, they’ll be OK”
Honestly, why would you want
To treat ANY animal this way
And give me a pound for every time
I’ve heard owners defend
“Oh, but he loves his crate
He chooses it time and time again”
Um, well of course they do
Isn’t that the whole fucking point?
Of conditioning dogs
To be locked up in a joint?
And I scoured the web
I found an animal behaviourist online
Who agrees with me
Confirmation bias?
Alright fine!!!!
But I’m still sticking to my opinion
I’m not sitting on the fence
I’ve done this for years
Always scared to cause offence
A lingering remnant of
My people-pleasing ways
Never speaking up
Never owning what I want to say
And I am starting to notice
I’m starting to ascertain
How it shows up as anxiety
This feeling of being constrained
Not feeling like I have a right
To my views, to my beliefs
So I suck them down quietly
While my inner children police
They boss; they demand
That I don’t make any waves
“Stick to conventional opinions
It’s much safer that way”
It’s like they never got the memo
They never learned the hard truth
That being an adult means owning
What feels right to you
Because in my experience
Over these last couple of months
Most of the dogs who’ve had
This horrible technique done
Have this submissive-like energy
I can’t quite describe
I have a huge disdain for crate training
It’s a little hard to disguise
So, back to my story
Sorry, I got a little derailed
My rants have a habit
Of becoming overly detailed
Fudge was adorable
Good Lord, she was sweet
When she wasn’t gnawing me to pieces
She’d crash out and sleep
And when her royal cuteness
Fell asleep exhausted in my lap
Sandra insisted I transfer her
Back to her crate in a snap
“So she doesn’t get dependent
On the feeling of your embrace”
“So she can feel ‘contained’ and safe
In her own space”
And Sandra works from home
So she checks up continually
She is driving me bloody bonkers
With her controlling energy
And she told me off
For cuddling Fudge too much
Of course, it’s so much better
To banish pup to her hutch
And as that adorable little face
Stares up longingly at me
It breaks my heart
Like you wouldn’t believe
So I now find myself caught
Between a rock and a hard place
I said yes to this job
But I feel so utterly displaced
Like a fish out of water
Being told how to be
While this knowing voice whispers
“Crate training isn’t for me”
So I’ve made my decision
I’ll simply finish this week
And then bow out gracefully
Do what feels good for me
And now that I’m clear
Now I know what I believe
I’m updating my profile
To filter the jobs I receive
Making it clear to future dog owners
To one and to all
What kind of work I’ll accept
The ‘crate training’ line I draw.
How I love nothing more than cuddling
A warm creature on the settee
And how incarcerating dogs
Just isn’t for me
