Approximate reading time: 3 min

16th February 2021

Another beautiful day

Sitting quietly on my own

Painting random pictures

To accompany all my poems.

Listening to hours of transcripts

(therapy sessions with Gabor)

So much this man teaches

Just resonates to my core

The doorbell rings

A surprise delivery for me?

OMG, someone’s sent flowers

I’m so excited to see!

I rip open the box

(like a kid at Christmas.)

The note simply says.

Of course, who else

Could it be….

But my wonderful, amazing

Favourite Cuzzie!

I call him Cuzzie Bond

(Because he is cooler than he knows.)

He’s always there to listen

Our conversations

Simply flow

He is my rock

My safe place

where I can simply be and rest

Even when I’m at my worst

He only sees my best

So, I continue with my painting

As happy as can be

But a couple of hours later

I notice ….dreaded anxiety

It ekes in slowly;

Tightly grips my heart

(What on earth triggered it

Why did it start?)

My head is spinning,

I get up for a walk

Perhaps call someone

Have a quick talk?

(Hooking into friends

Is a pacifier for me

A little bit of connection

Always brings relief….)

But the words of Gabor

Run fresh through my head

“What would it feel like

To just sit with this instead?”

To not try to push

The negative feelings away

(Keeping myself busy

Ussually keeps anxiety at bay.)

So, I walk in silence

Noticing my clenched heart

It feels at times

Anxiety could rip it apart.

I get so stuck in my head

(It’s my semi-permanent abode.)

Trying to always decipher

The memory overload.

Nothing that’s really

Ever that bad

Just hundreds of tiny memories

That make me feel sad.

Worries and questions,

What does my life truly mean?

What is my purpose,

Who am I meant to be?

After an hour of walking

I head off home

Overwhelmed by melancholy,

I feel so fucking alone

I’m slightly irritated;

“Anxiety you’re still there?”

When suddenly it dawns on me

I’m singing a song unawares.

‘Let it be’ by The Beatles.

Let it be, let it be!

If there were ever words of wisdom…

“Let it be!”

As I take a deep breath

I am quietly reminded that

Life doesn’t come with

A pre-written map

That there are billions of people

Muddling their way through

Seeking their own answers,

Also not sure what to do.

I can’t change who I am,

Or out-think my anxiety

Maybe all I can learn to do

is….

Let it be.

Let it be.