Estimated reading time: 7 min

It’s been a good week!

It’s been snowing in London.

The world is truly beautiful when it’s all painted white!

This week I have been looking after beautiful Maya, who is blind in one eye. I have honestly never been greeted by such a manic, barking, biting, jumping, licking dog before. When I went for my first introduction interview my internal thoughts were:

“Good Lord, this one is going to be hard work!”

But Maya has turned out to be an absolute dream to look after.

She never barks, is calm and chilled going for walks and just so loving…..

I guess she’s just a little bit overly excited at the prospect of a new friend!!

Lol, aren’t we all:-)

You will be pleased to know I have weened myself off all serial killer movies and documentaries.

(Well for the moment anyway;-)

I feel I have successfully learned enough about homicidal psychopaths and malignant narcissists to keep them at arm’s length!

I have for the last 3 weeks been watching

“The Undateables” on Netflix.

The show is about dating agencies that specialise in matchmaking people with learning difficulties, autism or various physical disabilities. Granted it’s not the most politically correct title for a show… in fact I think it is a pretty fucking awful name honestly. It has received a fair amount of backlash due to it… however, if you can look past that ….

the show itself is absolutely lovely.

(In my opinion of course;-)

On reading a couple of articles and blog posts written on this particular topic I have learnt that I am an ‘ableist‘ and a malevolent spreader of inspiration porn!

Sigh

So be it then!

It is just so wholesome, sweet and touching to see how genuine, open and honest so many of the cast members are.

All too often it feels like ‘dating’ shows are designed for maximum entertainment value with very little respect for the fact that these are actually real people just trying to find love.

(That, or all the ‘daters’ are 24 years old and all look like they have stepped off the set of the Bold and the Beautiful!)

The Undatables definitely doesn’t appear to be one of those. It is truly heartwarming to see all these people from completely different walks of life put themselves out there in such a big way with something that so many of us find challenging. There are 11 seasons so far, so you get to follow some of the characters through numerous bad dates, relationships and even engagements.

I just love how vulnerable and honest everyone is about their desires to find love.

It is just so refreshing!

Sometimes it feels like it’s almost taboo to even admit you would like to have love in your life.

(Or maybe it’s just me….)

One of the contestants, Richard, is 31 years old and has Aspergers, which is a form of autism.
I literally laughed out loud when he said in absolute exasperation….

“I’ve tried looking for love,

and that hasn’t worked

I’ve tried waiting for love to come to me,

And that didn’t work either!

So, its…..its, its, its…just….so HARD!”

(I wanted to give Richard a hug!)

I wrote a post in 2019 called Online dating: The gloves are off where I pretty much outlined

iN ExPLiCIt DeTAiL,

why after 11 years of doing online dating I was giving up.

And I did!

These last three years have (mostly) been about me focusing on myself.

(Besides that one week of dabbling in the dating occult last year!)

Honestly, it’s been a relief just to shelve dating for a while.

I will admit I harboured a secret fantasy that if I stopped ‘looking for love’ and just focused on that thing that I love (Writing!) then just maybe, juuuuuuust maybe my man would find me!

Alas, that has not been the case.

The only person my writing seems to have attracted is Zelma.

Zelma comments religiously on every post telling me that she is waiting patiently for me to come and F**** her!! (link to her porn sight included)

Thank you, Zelma!

But I think I’ll pass!

(Thank God, my personal blog angel, Khayla has managed to finally block Ms Bot, whose IP address changes every time!)

I mean If I had a pound for the number of times people told me how it was when they stopped looking…that walaaaa ‘Love’ magically appeared!!

Another bullshit trope cited by people who have relatively good intentions of giving us singletons hope.

As I have written before in “The almost 40-singleton”. I’m not a huge fan of this comment.

It always kind of always feels a little shaming….

Like you need to somehow remove that tattoo inked onto your forehead that says

SOMEBODY LOVE ME PLEASE!!!!

I mean If you just stop wanting it sooooooo much, ya know!!!

So I am here to say:

Clearly giving up the search for love is NOT the magic pill that finally makes it happen.

Because, like my new friend Richard, I have been happily single and ‘not’ searching for almost 3 years now….and nothing much has changed.

See I AM scientific Proof!

(And Richard agrees with me!;-)

The truth is, that deep down, all that (most) humans want is to be loved and accepted by someone. That one person who, despite all our many, many flaws still thinks we are pretty fucking awesome!

And as far as I am concerned, the only thing that will ever really ensure that you meet the right person is timing!

Yes, of course, you can join dating agencies.

Yes, you can work on yourself.

Yes, you can attempt to sort out your emotional kinks, and become more self-aware!

And yes, of course, doing all of those might ultimately help you find love….

(As all my friends who I convinced to try online dating, DID!)

But as always there is always going to be that percentage of people that no amount of proactivity is going to work for ’cause, frankly, it just ain’t their time!

(This is not the first time I have had this epiphany, but I keep forgetting it!!!)

I have one friend that was single for eight years before she finally met her husband who she adores and they are absolutely lovely together.

Such is life…..

Some of us just need to wait a little longer than others!

So I know what you are thinking…..

WHAT IS YOUR POINT GAYLE???

My point is this.

Richard is now dating Johanna!

(who hadn’t been on a date for ten years)

Seeing them so happy together is really touching.

In a rather roundabout, haphazard way the ‘Undatables’ has ever so slightly infused a tiny- incy- wincy- little -bit of dating courage back into my soul!

Reminding me that, yes there is someone out there that will be the right fit!

(No Zelma, its not you!)

Deep, deeeeeeeeep down a tiny seed has been planted and I have started thinking about hiring a matchmaker.

(Mmmmm perhaps ‘planted’ is too strong a word…..)

(We are only in the infant stage of this thought process so please don’t get tooooo excited……

It’s hard I know, especially when my disastrous dating stories are so delightfully entertaining!)

In fairness, I did start thinking about this 2 years ago and actually emailed one of the top matchmaking agencies in London. I found out that their cheapest membership option was £4995 for one year.

Eish!

I think at that time, however, I was just so emotionally exhausted from the whole dating scene that I made the executive decision to rather spend that money on myself.

(Hence all my studying with Gabor Mate and now my masters)

…..truth be told I could have paid for two years of matchmaking already.

but I honestly don’t regret a single thing.

However now….mmmmmm…..

Perhaps I might be able to find an agency that doesn’t cost quite as much….?

I don’t know…..just some random musings:-)

I’m sure I’ll keep you posted!

But for now, just to get the ball rolling I am going to a singles meet-up this evening.

(This will officially be the first time I have actually gone out in just over 2 years…)

I am mildly petrified that I’ll be the oldest person there!!!