Approximate Reading time:12 min
I feel like I haven’t written in months. My biggest apologies, but I have been knee-deep in online journals attempting to piece together my second assignment which was due today!
I am finally finished and it feels a little bit like heaven at the moment!;-)
Can I just say that finishing my assignment has been a pretty HECTIC undertaking while having ‘this’ stare at me 24/7!!
Beautiful Bailey with those soulful eyes that follow you everywhere……saying:
“Come hug me. Come kiss me. Come lavish me with LOVE!”
Not to mention that she has also started chewing everything.
Unfortunately even chewing things, she is adorable.
But that being said….
as loveable as she is….
last week she was in
big
big
trouble!
She jumped on the kitchen table and started eating the uncooked chicken pie that I was busy making to welcome my new flatmate.
Consequently,
she was banned from the kitchen
forever.
That lasted ummmm…..all of 5 minutes….
It then dawned on me that if Bailey were a real child and my attachment-parenting skills were being critiqued I would be what we classify as a ‘controlling-over-smothering mother who sends atrociously mixed signals
(I can’t stop kissing her, even when she is in trouble)
and who lacks proficient boundary-setting skills.’
If Bailey were human she would definitely need therapy one day.
Just saying.
Moving on…..
So I have a new flatmate….
and …….
wait for it…..
his name is…….
Those ardent ‘few’ who read my posts regularly might recall me writing about a guy called Richard on the Undateables Series that I was watching at the time. Well, that night when I went out to my first ‘meet-up’ (in donkey’s years) I met a really lovely guy called Richard, with who I chatted quite a bit.
(My ‘gay-dar’ wasnt broken on that one – but he was lovely to chat to never the less;-)
AND NOW
I have a new flatmate called Richard who has a degree in chemistry!
(Didn’t I say I needed my very own chemist in my “Knitting words post“?)
Isn’t that just un-fucking believable people?
In fairness, I need to give my dearly-departed mother some of the credit.
Richard is a couple of weeks away from being ordained as an Anglican minister.
(Yes you heard me right!)
I have opted to live with clergy.
(You have noooo idea how far I have come:)
My mother,
(Who was a staunch Christian)
is currently doing flick flacks in heaven!
I can almost hear her singing praises as I write this.
“Thank you, Jesus
At last a good Christian man in the house!”
(So thank you my mummy)
Anyway, Richard is truly lovely.
I am pleased to report that he passed my sense of humour test.
(I’m sorry but if you don’t love James Veitch then we might never be friends.)
He didn’t seem to mind that Bailey had stuck her ‘hoover-snout’ in our chicken pie!
And get this…..
he started (and currently runs) his own charity in India where they do a lot of work in orphanages!
But that’s not even the best part …..
wait for it…..
the absolute pièce de résistancere
Richard has already emptied the dishwasher twice in 3 days.
TWICE!
I’m in shock.
I’m in awe.
(It feels like Christmas, honestly)
If he keeps spoiling me like this then I think he might be coming my new BFF!
(I’m so sorry Rachey, it was good while it lasted 🙁)
PS One of my regular dog owners who is in her mid 70’s lost her husband 2 years ago. She has recently started dating a man, and yes, you guessed it, his name is Richard. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I had actually manifested her Richard for her.
But there you have it.
More astounding evidence.
I also need to add that she seems perpetually dumbfounded by the fact that I am still single.
(Her and me both!)
I have to routinely remind her that:
“Im ok!!”
And that – Believe it or not my life is pretty good at the moment – even without out a significant other.
(Imagine that)
I sincerely doubt she believes me.
She has pointed out that she meets loads of male suitors on her dog walks and is continually getting invited out for coffee dates.
Dam I must be doing wrong. 😉
28th of February 2021
How did we get here?
Oh, good Lord seriously
are we back here again?
I can barely even imagine
how we used to be friends
Your notice was six weeks
You left at 4!!!
Your rent was two weeks short
when you walked out that door
It’s not THAT complicated
(as far as I can see)
Part of your deposit
paid the remaining fee
You blew a gasket
with a temper so very hot
Demanding and threatening
that we pay you the whole lot
You keep insisting…
Your six weeks’ notice
was cut to four?
I offered to TRY find someone earlier…
THAT WAS ALL!
I’d been trying to do you a favour
perhaps save you a little cash
I honestly wished I hadn’t
after all this nasty backlash
No good deed goes unpunished
(Isn’t that what they say?)
You raged at me that I’d rue the day
Your words rang out like the bully
that you are.
“I’m warning you Gayle”.
(OOOOH I’m shaking from afar!)
You are like a dog with a bone
you will never let it go
It’s truly astounding
how your sense of entitlement has grown
You refuse to listen to logic
or anyone of us
We are all wrong
(It’s not YOU making a fuss!)
I’m not going to lie
I feel a little hurt and angry
I considered us friends
a little like family
I loved our time together
I enjoyed our bike rides
I felt like we bonded
that we were on the same side
But I feel like I’m left with egg on my face
How did I fall
so quickly from grace?
I’m always left wondering
…Is this just me????
What is it I missed?
What didn’t I see?
I did my absolute best,
to create a loving home.
Once again I’m left wondering
what lesson do I need to hone?
OH, FUCK it!
I’m so tired
of always analysing ‘My part’
We were ALL nothing but kind
from the very start
So, continue little child,
knock yourself out
Get our adverts blocked
Throw your toys and pout
Truly in this moment I really don’t CARE!!!
I’ve dealt with much worse
than you last year.
If I need to pay double rent
to cover your room
I’ll do it with a smile
(Coz we’ll be rid of your gloom)
We will find a new flatmate
(By hook or by crook.)
And you, but a mere lesson
debossed in my book
Despite your vindictive and childish games
We will move on with our lives
happy all the same
We will find someone
Who wants to be part of our team
Who can talk about issues
without judging and being mean
We will continue to get along
be kind and not clash!
God willing, our next flatmate
will know how to take out …
the bloody trash!
Written 2nd March 2021
Present Company
What’s it with these camps?
(I’d love to know)
Seems like a place my soul,
wants to go
Another dream last night
packing frantically
Trying to decide
what to take with me
I couldn’t find half my stuff
I was late again
(As I listened in horror
to the pouring rain)
But my best friend was there
we slept in a tent
When we packed up afterwards
we notice it was bent…
We had chosen
the absolute worst of spots
Flowing downhill
sleeping on fucking rocks
the message so clear
Life is often bumpy and hard
we make stupid decisions
that can throw us off guard
But hey,
I wasn’t alone!
My friend was with me
A step in the right direction
I’m as grateful as can be
So maybe this poem
is just a gush of gratitude
For those who stand by me
no matter what my mood
For the regular chats
for your love for your time
For simply checking in
to make sure I’m fine
You know who you are
No need to name names
So happy for your friendship
in this curious life game
Breathe
Today I had
the weirdest of shifts
A small recognition
a tiny soul lift
I woke up early
with my usual anxiety
Vice on my heart,
panic in me
I go through the motions
I write
I meditate
By the time I left for school
I felt pretty great.
I was doing next week’s planning
with a colleague
When I became conscious
I was breathing heavily
I laughed and apologised
for my dramatic breaths
(Who’d think doing planning
could cause so much stress?)
It’s the newness of everything
so much I must learn
My own inner critic sits
in judgement so stern
My colleague is so sweet
such a beautiful soul
Reassuringly she laughs
“You’ve got this under control”
I left school today,
feeling so connected, so free
Grateful to be getting
a handle on anxiety.
I walked home, elated
feeling so proud
I might as well have been floating
on a happy cloud
Then a message comes in
another nasty text
from my ex-flatmate
(who has just recently left).
It was vindictive, unkind
threatening to
(Isn’t it so lovely
when a friend turns on you?)
In an instant, I felt
my chest vice-grip tight
In anticipation of my happiness
about to take flight
When I get triggered
I totally disconnect
I am going through the motions
but my soul just feels wrecked
In years passed
I’d simply phone a friend and cry
to help me reconnect to this thing
called, I.
But as I felt myself freeze
a little magic occurred
A tiny inner voice is all that I heard
“Just breathe, just breathe,
just breathe all the way home.
You’ve got this!
You’ve got this!
you are never alone!
I calmed myself down
I was able to regulate
I maintained my alignment
I didn’t abdicate
It felt like my breath
had a life of its own.
(Perhaps a small sign
of how much I’ve grown)
I remember being told
years ago
about the benefits of meditation
which will slowly start to show
As you train your body
to connect to your breath
It will start happening naturally
whenever you are stressed
So I’m excited today
a tiny breakthrough….
For the first time ever
my body knew what to do!
