Reading time is 20 minutes

Oh my God, I feel like I’m so backlogged with dating stories. I’m like 4 weeks behind already…..sometimes I get carried away with all this deep shit, like loneliness and life lessons. 😂 I mean I do secretly love my deep shit, really! But writing dating stories is so much less emotionally taxing and slightly more entertaining.

Ok, so I am going to have to summarise a bit otherwise I will never catch up. I have written before about how I think I have finally smashed that old self-sabotaging belief that I never meet any good men. Honestly, every single weekend I go out I meet so many interesting people and there definitely is no shortage of men in London. But before I get started I would like to announce that I finally met the man of my dreams. (I did!!!!) His name is Matthew Hussey. (Aka the online dating coach, I have followed for 6 years) Ok well, I didn’t exactly meet him…..BUUUUT I sat in a room about 4 rows from him with about 1000 other die-hard Hussey fans. Can I just say that that man is a GOD! He is so damn insightful and so fucking funny. You just can’t help but fall in love with him (Well I certainly can’t😉) At the end of his session; he invited people to come and line up to have a chat with him. In 2.3 seconds flat half of the entire room was queued up in one long line at the side of the hall. (I didn’t queue up …because I am WAY to cool to follow the masses.😂)

I had this bright plan to stay seated right until the end and then I would chat to him when he was finished talking to everyone else. I mean that’s what I did at the first event that I went to with his dad. (And it worked pretty well for me then!!) Unfortunately what I failed to factor into this bright spark equation was….um……this is MATTHEW HUSSEY!!! About 20 minutes later I realised that he was never, ever going to finish with everyone in the queue because bless him; he spent AGES speaking to every single person. At this point, I also looked around the room and realised that the rest of the other Hussey groupies were also all just sitting in their seats too. (Clearly, they had cottoned onto my plan🙄)

I was tired. I had a meetup that night. So I decided to cut my losses, call it a day and go home. I walked all the way to the station and the entire time Roxy (She is my manic Gemini twin) was berating me:

You call yourself a FAN??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!!! You just left! You made no effort to meet the man that has inspired you to do so much. Shame on you!!! You should be disgusted with yourself!

I was. She won. I got to the tube station, turned around and walked all the way back to the Hotel. (Dammit Roxy is so bloody bossy😉). All I seriously wanted to do is give this man a hug and say thanks for teaching me so much. By the time I got back there, the line had barely moved, so I sat back down on the chair…determined to be the BEST GROUPIE ever!!! About 5 minutes later they came and kicked us all off the chairs and said we needed to go home. 😭

I learnt two valuable lessons about myself that day:

1. I suck at being a groupie
2. I might need to find another man to marry because frankly I just can’t compete with 10 000 women worldwide!!

I also made a very sincere pact with myself that I will, without a shadow of a doubt meet this man…ONE day and give him that hug! (Watch this space!)

Next ! 🤣

I am very happy to report that I am finally getting asked out on bonified dates. Yes, it’s true. Men are taking my number and actually asking me out! (Not just texting for an eternity. NOTE to MEN: If a girl gives you her number and then replies to your text, she probably does want to actually see you again.) I have unfortunately had to turn down two such offers because both men were 25 years old. I’m not bragging or anything. (Oh who the hell am I kidding …of course I’m fucking bragging!😂) What older woman isn’t flattered with a gorgeous young man’s attention? (Especially since most men our ages are chasing young twenty- thirty-something women) I say Hallelujah for YOUNG MEN!🙋‍♀️ Except, as flattering, as it is… I am definitely not Madonna and the prospect of settling down with someone young enough be my child just doesn’t fill me with much delight. (Disclaimer: No judgement is being made on ANY age gap relationships here!! You love who you love!)

Death by hugging

So I started a new public speaking meet-up about 3 weeks ago. At the start of the meeting, I shared with the group how I am absolutely fine talking about myself (for ummm 6 hours straight)….but it is always the fear of that unknown “TOPIC” that usually rends me speechless. While I was talking I had about 18 pairs of eyes staring at me like I was nuts. They clearly didn’t believe for one second that this chatty, confident girl had any issues with public speaking. (Or anxiety) True to form I was fine speaking for most of the event until it came to the final activity and we had to stand up in front of everyone. People would then call out a topic for us to talk about for 1 minute. The topics being called out were: Brexit! Boris Johnson! Climate change!

OH my God, the terror!!!!!! What the fuck do I know about any of that shit? I don’t watch the news and I don’t read newspapers. So I sat there like a petrified rabbit on the verge of tears, my heart beating 1000 beats a minute. Everyone in the group was very sweet, making eyes at me to go up next but they were bloody crazy!! I did, however, promise the group leader afterwards though that I would definitely speak-at the next one…I even shook on it!!! ( I have conveniently missed the last two Sundays🙄) BUT I AM GOING THIS WEEK!! (I promise!!)

So it was here that I met a really awesome guy. He was 35, ex-muslim, atheist with a flipp’n beautiful smile and a surprisingly deep side. At the end of the afternoon, he took my number and messaged and asked me out immediately. I was impressed. We were supposed to meet at 8 pm the following evening…..but, as usual, I was running late. Mmm….I have come to realise that lateness, really and truly, is a huge problem for me. I get that from my mother! (Sorry mum I’m sooooo blaming this one on you😂)

It definitely is a family trait…us Hills are always late!!

(Um… I seriously wasn’t trying to be poetic when I wrote that😉) So I messaged him to apologise and said I would be there at 8.15. (For the record, and in my defence, I am always a profusely apologetic late person!) He messaged back to say that he was also running late and that he would be there at 8.30 pm. Mmmmmfff.😡 I will admit for someone that is always late it really does annoy the shit out of me when other people are late. (Huge double standard there!!! Like MASSIVE!!!😣) I have vague memories of always waiting for my mother which does still trigger some sort of silent rage inside of me. My all-time favourite memories were: “My Darling I’m just running inside to drop this off quickly, I’ll just be 2 minutes!” Thirty minutes later I would still be sitting in a hot sweltering car because my mum, bless her soul, could talk a shit load!! (SEEEE I get that from her too!!!😂) But rest assured I have forgiven her because along with her habit of lateness she also gave me her big heart, her love of writing, her love of travelling and her enormous love of people and life! So that by far makes up for it I think😉

Anyway, back to my story… I can usually last about 15 minutes of another person being late but then I want to explode…..or in my case, maybe implode? 🤬

My date ended up arriving around 8.50 pm. That’s 40 minutes of Gayle standing on the street corner waiting for him. I was beyond livid! What was very interesting was that Matthew Hussey had spoken on this EXACT topic at his event and I had subsequently been musing about my own problem with lateness that whole week. He shared a story with us about a date he had once had, where the girl turned up 20 minutes. When she did finally pitch she made absolutely no effort to apologise or give any explanation as to why she had been late. When he asked her why she was late she had muttered something about a friend keeping her. He said that at that point he was so annoyed that he actually didn’t even feel like continuing with the date. So he had politely told her this and then he had left. I will admit, hearing him tell this story was a huge relief for me because I have, in the past often felt this way when I am left waiting for ages. But I, unlike Matthew, have never actually had the courage or perhaps its the basic awareness that leaving might actually be an option? When I look back, it makes sense. As a child, there was no way I could have just got out of the car and walked away every single time my mum made me wait. My learnt pattern of behaviour was just to accept that in life you must just be patient and learn to wait, and in the same respect, I think I might have also subconsciously learnt that other people must also learn to wait for me. The problem is…I am not a child anymore….so why am I still living my life from an old archaic paradigm that really doesn’t help me? (I will admit- I had an AHA moment!) I was also very intrigued by a comment Matthew made. He said that a first date is usually the best that you are going to be with someone. It is those first initial dates when you usually pull out all the stops and go out of your way to impress someone. If someone isn’t even making an effort right at the beginning how is that ever going to get any better? Matthew obviously stressed the point that had his date actually bother to apologise for being late he probably wouldn’t have minded that much…but the fact that she didn’t even so much attempt to apologise really spoke volumes. If someone doesn’t value your time, in the beginning, they are probably not going to value it further on down the line. Good point!

So I am standing there fuming and yet also having this deep existential thinking moment about my own issue of always being late! (I really and truly am going to work on that!!!) When my date finally arrived I did a very interesting thing. I did the exact opposite of what I usually do when I am pissed off. (Just to clarify we are talking about with new people- I have no problem speaking my mind whatsoever with family or close friends) I usually say something like: “Oh it’s ok! (When really it’s not ok, and if I had a bazooka I would probably shoot you). And then I simmer and fume underneath like a festering, oozing, pus-infected wound of resentment!!!! (I do!! I do!! I admit it! NB NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOUR!😏) When he finally arrived (Please note he was apologetic) I actually told him I was a little irritated. (We are breaking new ground here people. I’m actually being honest about my feelings) So we had a little chat about it, he apologised again. And then it was over. The rest of the night was a pretty great night. (Not a fester in sight) He was easy to talk to and we had a lot in common (Strangely enough both of our mothers died in 2010 from a glioblastoma brain tumour – what are the odds?) So all in all, it was a great date, except for 2 things.

1. He smokes – As an ex-smoker, only 7 months clean, this is definitely a no go area for me. What was interesting was when I mentioned this to a new girlfriend she immediately asked: “Can’t he just quit smoking?” I had to explain to her that I am done starting any relationship with a checklist of things that a man has to change about himself. I look back at my young self, and I am embarrassed as to how much time I wasted expecting men to change. (OH the arrogance!) Hard lesson learnt: People don’t change when you tell them to, they change when they are ready!

2. But more than that, it kind of felt like we both mutually thought we would be better off as friends. I think in many ways we were too similar to each other. As I get older I realise that I am not looking for a carbon copy of myself nor am I am also not looking for a polar opposite – what I am looking for is someone that can bring new perspectives, challenge me and introduce me to new things that I might not ever have considered trying before. This is probably the reason I have committed myself to be being more open to meeting all types of people. So we kind of left the date with this mutual understanding that we would definitely stay in touch and be friends. Awesome!👍

At one point during the conversation, we had been talking about hugs. (Random I know😏) But I love hugs. Personally, some people need lessons on how to hug properly. Mmmmm….I’m contemplating starting a hugging school…I think there is definitely a need. (Don’t you think?) You know for those fake, I’m going to tap your back while I barely touch you huggers?

Or those anxious huggers that seem intent on keeping all genitalia as far away from you as possible. There is indeed a definite ART to giving a good, wholesome hug! (For the record: I most certainly DID NOT share all of this with my date. I save all my crazy thoughts for my writing and the people crazed enough to enjoy it!) Anyway ….my date seemed a little confused as to what I was talking about when I simply said that there is an art to hugging. (Clearly, not everyone overthinks things like I do🙄) so eventually I just said: “Oh don’t worry I’ll just have to show you when we say goodbye”. So we finished our date and head off to the tube.

When it came time for him to get off at his stop I jumped up and said: “Oh I have to give you your proper hug” So I throw my arms around him in true Gayle style and squeeze. (Everyone knows that a good hug needs to have a certain amount of squeeze in it!) Unfortunately what I hadn’t realised was that the train hadn’t actually stopped yet and that I wasn’t holding onto anything. So I start losing my balance and I am now falling forward into him unconsciously squeezing him even tighter because I don’t want to fall on my face. He is obviously getting uncomfortable with this woman hanging onto him for dear life and is trying to pull away from me. He, unfortunately, wasn’t holding on to anything either so with this deranged woman clutching him to death he loses his balance and we both fall over on top of all the unsuspecting passengers on the central line.

I  WANTED TO DIE!!!

My date then rather sweetly said (as he clawed himself free from me and picked himself up from the floor) “Wow that’s definitely a good hug” And then he turned and ran off the tube faster than I have ever seen any man run. Not surprisingly I never heard back from him after that…..Oh the shame!😂😂

(No doubt, he is now writing his own blog about the date he had with the 40-something woman who attempted to hug him to death. Such is life😆 )

Had I been genuinely interested in him romantically, I probably would have messaged him afterwards and made a joke of it. I mean it was pretty fucking funny! But seeing as I wasn’t, I kind of thought it best to just leave things as they were…just a fun night and an entertaining lesson on how not to HUG strangers!

….plenty of fish, plenty of fish😍🥰😘

To be continued….