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Take-Two with Amos

Fast forward to the next weekend, another meet- up and who should I bump into but Amos. I met Amos about 4 months ago at one of my first ever meetups. I wrote about the night where we spent most of the evening dancing together and then he never asked me for my number when I left. It was one of the first times, ever, I was able to just walk away from a guy without feeling the need to take charge or initiate the next step. (It was an enlightening experience!) So I was absolutely delighted that he had now spun back into my orbit again. (Clearly, this was fate?😲) It truly was such a fun night together. I was wearing my killer heels and towered over him. (He didn’t seem to care.) I was out that night with a couple of friends who I had met at various meetups and he seemed to get along really well with them. (Always a bonus!👌)

At one point he had a dance-off with another guy friend of mine, it was hilarious. We laughed, we danced, we even kissed! (Oh my God he was an amazing kisser and he smelt like heaven!) At one point Amos and I were sitting on the couch and I asked him (jokingly) if he was going to take my number this time? He grinned the biggest grin ever, said “Absolutely” and then gave me a great big kiss. AAAhhhhhh!!

(An Arbitrary Anecdote)

Around 11 pm my killer-heels were starting to kill me so I took them off to dance. I was then approached by the stupid bouncer who told me to put them back on. (PS this was a small, really posh hotel dance floor, not a seedy nightclub floor). I might have been able to just stomach that, but he then wouldn’t even let me sit down with my shoes off! I happened to look over and notice a woman standing on the couch dancing – sans shoes. (Mild irritation flares🤬)

I go over and ask Mr Bouncer why she was allowed to take her shoes off. He says she is not on the ground. (Umm…noted) So I go sit back down, take my shoes off and put my feet up on the couch. He comes over and tells me that I’m not allowed to have my feet on their couch! I’m like What the fuck? She is dancing on your couch bro! (This is so fucking barefootist!!)

So I am giving bouncer hell because ……um …….my feet were fucking sore and I am an enneagram 4 – (the individualist) who absolutely hates been told that I can’t do something – (especially something as humane as simply taking my shoes off!)

Bouncer then turns to me and says:

“You must be from South Africa! You South African women are so vol kuk!” (That’s full-of-shit in Afrikaans)

Umm, I personally like to think WE, South African women, stand up for our GOD-given right to take our shoes off!! (Somebody has to fight the mini Hitlers of this world😲) But at this point, I burst out laughing and Pieter (Who was also from South Africa) and I decide to call it a truce. Mmmm…. or more than likely I realised that this boerseun (“Farmboy”) was not going to be taking any shit from a soutie! (soutie – a derogatory term for an English-speaking person, literally means salty penis. Someone with one foot in England, the other in South Africa and their penis hanging in the Atlantic Ocean. – (I got that from Wikipedia! Such a wealth of knowledge out there!😂)

p.s. for the record all this happened while Amos was in the toilet – I most certainly didn’t let him see my ‘vol kak‘ side (We save her for later😈 )

So eventually my feet are sore, I can’t dance anymore and I decide it’s probably best that I call it a night. Amos takes out his phone and asks for my number. (Am I noticing a slight reluctance there?- NO GAYLE! Stop being so paranoid and hypersensitive!) He takes my number and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind giving me a missed call. When his call doesn’t come through, because there is no reception, I passed him my phone and ask him to please put his number in. (I didn’t think anything of it…sometimes when I am tired numbers get scrambled in my head so I always like to make sure I am properly connected with new people. )

At this point, he literally snaps at me that he has already given me a missed call. I must admit, I was slightly surprised at the level of aggression that came out of him over something as simple as exchanging numbers. (It’s a phone number dude…not your flipping bank details!! 🚩🚩red flags going all over the place now!) I explain to him that his call just hadn’t come through and he (VERY reluctantly) takes my phone, puts his number in and hands it back to me.

So trying to ignore the slightly bizarre overreaction, I give him a hug and a kiss and thanked him for a lovely evening (Which it was- maybe he was just tired? Please Note: Natural tendency to make excuses for bad behaviour!). I walk out of the club at about 1.20 and as I am walking to the tube, I am just feeling really uncomfortable and a little confused as to what had just happened there. All of a sudden I am hit by this thought:

“Good Lord, he isn’t going to call me, is he?”

 And then I swear, I actually heard the universe talk back to me …it was a loud booming voice (in my head):

 “NOPE”

Me: “What the fuck God? Haven’t I learnt this lesson yet?”

“NOPE”

Me: “Whyyyyyyyyy?“

“Do you still care what some random guy thinks of you?”

Me: “Do you have any idea how good that man smelt?”

“Do you still care what some random guy thinks of you?”

Me: Yes dammit all! I bloody CARE!!!”

“Lesson not learnt then.”

Me: “I’m NOT happy with you right now!

” The only person you need to be happy with Gayle is yourself – No one else’s opinion matters, ever.”

(Sometimes that internal voice of reason really pisses me off, especially when it’s right!)

So nope, he never called. I will admit it pushed me into a black place for a couple of days which culminated in my finally finishing my previous post on “loneliness” (That I started 4 months ago and then couldn’t finish…) So thank you God!!✔ (Maybe in the future you could find a less painful way to force me to finish difficult posts? Just saying!😏)

So, as usual, I put a bit of thought into what I could have possibly done wrong this time …and how I could have gone from hero to zero in 30 seconds flat?

And this is what I came up with…I don’t fucking care. I am hoping one day SOON that will be my default setting. They say practice makes perfect. I’ll keep practising….

Plenty of fish, plenty of fish😎

NEXT !!!!

For the Love of Irish

OK before I tell you this story I need to just confess something. I absolutely adore the Irish accent. (Who doesn’t?) For those of you that don’t know me well, Roxy has a really bad Irish accent. (She does😂) I spent most of my last Christmas jumping into Roxy role-playing with my little nephews. They do seem to love her; although the youngest one did get a little confused, at times coming up to me and saying “YOU are Gayle, not Roxy!!” Aren’t you?? (Bless, children are the cutest) My best friend Rachel and I have this running joke about me manifesting an Irish man. (Matthew Hussey with an Irish accent…the vision is becoming clearer!!😂)

So the following week I am at a meet up that was in a club. I had been dancing with some friends who had decided to go home early and I was left dancing by myself. (No biggie – I am more than happy to keep myself entertained especially if the music is good!) At one point, I sat down for a breather and this guy came over and started chatting to me. I had noticed him a couple of times at the meet-up, but I suppose he wasnt really my type so nothing had really registered with me. As is often the case when we overlook or dismiss someone who is “not our type” we actually end up missing out on what is beautiful and special about others. (and I am not just talking about looks here😏)

So he introduces himself as Johnny and I am intrigued to see he has the most beautiful bluest of blue eyes, framed with thick black eyelashes that went on forever. I comment randomly that he had a very Irish sounding name (My two ever Irish friends were both called Johnny) and he said: “I am Irish!”  The club was quite loud so I hadn’t really picked up on the accent BUT all of a sudden I was leaning a wee bit closer to hear him speak. I will be honest I thought I had died and gone to heaven. My IRISH man had arrived! At last, Hallelujah!!! (There is a God! There is a God.😂😂) So in this pumping loud club, we are now trying to have a conversation. The conversation goes something like this:

He tells me about his girlfriend who has just left to go travelling around the world. (Shame it’s tough being single- I can relate. Bless he looks a little heartbroken😪)

I ask him how long he has been single. He says a week. (Eyelashes fluttering down sorrowfully)

I am trying not to laugh (A fucking week? Dude try a year and a half and then we will talk about being single!)  I make the observation that he obviously still loves her. He shrugs hopelessly. (Sigh, this is awkward!) I pat him on the shoulder and tell him he will get through it….he looks at me and we both pack out laughing. (He has an adorable laugh)

He says: “I’m a fooking mess” (Trying to get that sexy Irish lilt in there😁)

I say: “ummm noted”

🚩Red flag: If a man (or woman) says they are a mess- believe them! (And then walk away.) Sadly too many of us big-hearted people fall into this trap of wanting to rescue people when frankly that’s not our job. As Christopher Gardiner, author of the ‘Pursuit of happyness’ said “The cavalry ain’t coming. You’ve got to do this yourself.”

Such wise words…..(Umm I didn’t walk away…..)

He looks at me again. I think he realises at this point that his pity-party-come-on tactics are definitely not working on me. We are laughing again. An awesome song comes on and I ask him to come dance. He rather stubbornly says: “No I’m done dancing for the night.”

I really loved that song….fuck it! I go dance by myself.

After the song is finished I go and sit down next to him.

He says: “You are never gonna have any guys come approach you if you dance like that, ya know?

Me: “Oh interesting…how exactly am I dancing then?”

Johnny: “Well you’re a wild one alright. In England, people don’t go out to dance by themselves. It’s just not done!”

He then went off on a tangent about all the people dancing in the club and how they were “ruining the vibe for everyone else” (There was obviously a huge office party or something going on that night.)

Me: “I hadn’t really noticed, I don’t genuinely worry about who else is dancing.”

He sideswipes me another look and we laugh. (Dam he is annoying, but still so sexy) I will admit at this point I was curious to find out more. For our whole conversation, he was sitting with his entire body facing away from me. He seemed to be making an effort to talk to me (true) but his body language and energy was saying something else. (Call me Jessica Fletcher – I love a good mystery!)

Me: “I hope you don’t mind me making an observation but you seem to have quite a lot of walls around you.”

Johnny mutters: “Yes probably, but when I do let people in like, I treat ’em like gold. (Dam those eyes- lashes are fluttering at me again. Such a wounded soul mmm….. sounds like he just needs a good woman to love him🙄.)

 

Me: “Interesting, are any of those people here tonight?”

“Johnny: “What people?”

Me: “You know those people you care about and treat well?”

Johnny :(Scoffs) “No of course not!”

Me: “So you shut everyone out until they get in? I’ll be honest I don’t live my life like that. For me, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt first. You can have my trust…until you lose it.”

Johnny: “Gees that’s a fucking ridiculous way to live! I would never teach my daughter that!!!”

(Bloody good thing we won’t be having kids then Johnny!)

Johnny glances at me, with this look that says “What planet are you from? and you guessed it we both start laughing again. (I’m not sure why we were laughing the whole time, we clearly had NOTHING in common). Another cool song comes on and I decide to dance. (Didn’t bother asking him this time!) Low and behold grumpy boots decides he wants to join me. All of a sudden he grabs my hand and flings me. Umm…what is it with men and flinging woman across the dance floor? (Note: This is not the first time I have been eagerly flung but an overly exuberant man!)

I have a theory: I personally think that you men secretly watched too much Dirty Dancing as kids?

Teaching Point: Please note gentleman that at no point did Patrick Swayze fling Baby and then LET her GO! AT NO POINT! 😏 (Have included visual aid to help you with this!👍)

Johnny, on the other hand, did an almighty fling that sent me flying across the dance floor and almost straight into a pole. Now, I never in a million years would have thought that my two years of pole dancing might actually come in handy one day and save my life! But it did! I saw that pole coming and I managed to grab hold of it and swing around it like a freaken pro!!

I joined him back in the middle of the dance floor only to discover that he is having a rather heated debate with two guys who are routinely pointing to the wet floor and their wet shoes. (They look seriously pissed)

Oh my God please don’t let there be an Irish Brawl. 😲 I decided to sit down. The last time I tried to intervene in a nightclub argument (about 10 years ago) I got hit on the head with a bottle (In fairness it was a plastic bottle- but dam it still fucking hurt!) After about 2-3 minutes of heated discussion, Johnny walks over to the bar and buys the guy another drink. (Thank God! Drama averted!) Johnny sits down laughing.

Johnny: “My God! When I saw ya spinning round that pole I got such a shock I bumped into that guy and spilt his drink!” (um… you mean when you nearly killed me?)

I decided then that I would probably be safer if we didn’t dance. So attempt to make conversation. (It’s not going well.) Suddenly he jumps up and starts dancing again, and beckons for me to join him. I didn’t really like the song but always the trooper I thought “What the hell. Let’s give this one more shot!” As soon as I am up and dancing he goes and sits down again. I stood there thinking: “What the fuck is going on here?”

Me: “OK, don’t take this the wrong way……but you are a bit of an arse!!”

Johnny 🙁Still laughing – why do I feel like we are playing one very long game of cat and mouse here?) “I decided I didn’t like the song after all. I can be a bit of an arse, but those who are closest to me know I’m a good guy.”

(Oh for the love of God here we go again.)

I’m now no longer laughing. Damn, I’m exhausted. Who knew my Irish man (sent from God) was going to be so much hard work? I decide it’s time to let that dream go. (Have a brief vision of me snuggled up in bed ALONE and it makes my heart sing!)  I pick up my things, I tell him he is gorgeous (Pity looks will only carry you so far) but that I’m really not into bad boys. Then I sashayed my wild little arse out of there as fast as I could. As I walked home smiling I said a silent prayer:

Dear God. Thank you that I’m not in my 20’s anymore. Being single is so much more fun when you have a finely tuned bullshit radar! 😁

The Great date!

I recently got contacted by an old high-school friend who was coming to London for a week and wanted to meet up. I thought that was pretty sweet, it’s always interesting chatting to people from your past that you haven’t seen for years. So we met up last weekend and he is still as sexy as ever. (Mental Note: Married with kid!) So we are chatting as we walk to the Japanese Kyoto Garden, me trying to use Google maps, talk and not fall on my face all at the same time. (I was wearing my heels, purely cause I was meeting my girls for a night out afterwards.) The garden is essentially only about 3 minutes from the station so my plan was to simply take my shoes off when I got there. (You might have noticed I like being barefoot). What I hadn’t planned on was the central line being closed and me having to walk 16 minutes from another station. Needless to say, I failed hopelessly at the multitasking; thank God my friend took over with the direction navigation. (There is a reason God made men… To read maps😉).

So we are chatting away pretty easily and I am pleasantly surprised to hear he is recently divorced. (Well not that it’s pleasant that he is divorced. That would be a terrible thing for me to say!! I would never be that heartless!!😯😉) But you know what I mean….all of a sudden I wasn’t meeting a married man, for a catch-up coffee…NOW I was on a hot date with a sexy single man, who was actually MY age!! (Wohoooo life in my head is soooo exciting!) So we spent a fun two hours together… he was very easy to talk to and clearly very big-hearted. The best part was that he seems to enjoy my blog posts. (This alleviated my secret fear that I might be scaring the good men off with my writing.) The only downside was that he lives in another country 358km away.

Fuck it!🙄

All in all, I thought it was a pretty good date. But then again I have had good dates before and then never heard from the men again. (My judgement is clearly not to be trusted anymore!) So I decided to ask him: (One must always be open to feedback!!😁) 

Me: “So I have a question… if you lived here would I get a second date?”

His reply was: “A second, a third and a fourth!”

Ahhhh I could have kissed him. (I didn’t! I have an iota of constraint) Umm…for those of you that think he was just being kind please remember I have finely tuned bullshit radar!! And it didn’t go off!👍

So you see PROOF that hypothetically I could actually make it to a second date at some point in the not too distance future! (The moral of the story: Never give up hope!) Very grateful for a lovely afternoon with a super awesome, super sexy man, with gorgeous biceps (Just saying😉) Thank you P!! Sometimes that’s all us single girls need!

Single life is looking pretty good! 😁