So I am now thinking I have so many Enneagram stories I might need to turn this into chaptered posts. 😱😜

Without a doubt, one of the many benefits of using this tool is the clarity and insight that it has given me in understanding other people, especially many of the children that I work with. At one of the Liz’s courses (which I highly recommend), she had a type five come and speak to us. (The investigator: intense, perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated). It needs to be noted that the 9 Enneagram types are all divided into three categories: body types, head types and heart types. (The fives fall into the head types/ fours are ❤heart types. For more information on this: http://www.lessons4living.com/centers.htm).

From a chatty, sometimes overly-dramatic, wear your heart on your sleeve
four type, fives have, in my past opinion, always seemed to be a bit aloof. They were those people that didn’t really ….mmm “get me”…so to speak.😱😳 My misguided perception was simply that they just didn’t particularly like me.(although I would be damned if I could figure out why?😂). Meeting this man and hearing his story was a game changer for me…I literally had one of those ‘aha’ moments. He explained how fives can often get overloaded by too much emotion or too much information. They usually don’t over talk and they definitely don’t relish the idea of oversharing on unnecessary information. (So essentially that would be the complete OPPOSITE to us fours.😵)

As he was speaking I started thinking about a particular grade 4 girl I was working with at the time. (Let’s call her Sethu.) Sethu had had a particularly hard life and had been found living in a shack, by herself, after being abandoned by her parents. She had consequently been found a foster home and was being sponsored by a charity. Both the school and her sponsors were attempting to give her as much support as possible to help her fill in her educational gaps. I had been approached to help her with her language development and English. To be honest these lessons with Sethu were incredibly difficult for me. Twice a week I would have to fetch Sethu from her class and walk across the length of the school field with her in order to get to my classroom. This was typically the hardest part of each lesson and I absolutely dreaded it. You see as a four, and as a heart type…my greatest goal and most honourable intention were to help this child feel loved and supported. My heart knew she had been through a lot, I couldn’t even imagine how awful it must have been to be abandoned by your parents at such a young age. I wanted her to know I cared, I wanted to her to know that I was interested and that she mattered to me. So I went about achieving this the only way I knew how. I asked her questions and I tried desperately to engage with her, after all that was exactly what I, as a four, would need to feel connected and loved. But unfortunately time and time again, all I got was cold, one-word answers. Usually by the time I got to my classroom my head was spinning with thoughts like: “How on earth am I going to do a language lesson with this child…She doesn’t speak!!” and “Am I ever going to reach her?”😥 Of course, I persisted with my tactics, as I believed that eventually, she would warm to me. I was also most certainly not going to give up on her.

After listening to Liz’s guest talk about his experience of what it is like to be a type five, I suddenly wondered if Sethu might actually be a five? I shared the story with the group and then implored her guest: “How can I help this girl?” His answer was short and sweet. “You need to learn to shut up!” 😳😵😵😵😵 Be quiet?😶 Really? Could it be that simple…..? He explained how if Sethu was indeed a five then my incessant chatter and peppering of questions was probably overloading her. He felt certain that she would be a lot more comfortable in ‘silence’. 
I was intrigued and so I decided to give it a go. My first walk across that field in silence was simply excruciating….it felt a little like the green mile for me. (Urban dictionary: The short “mile” that a prisoner walks before he is executed on prison grounds by the force of the law. ) ( I did mention that type fours can be slightly melodramatic, right?) The silence was deafening….I literally felt like I was ignoring her…there was absolutely nothing natural about this for me. I was however absolutely blown away when we got about half way across the field and Sethu actually asked me what we were going to be learning about that day? This is the same child had NEVER EVER initiated any conversation with me.

That was the day that I learned the power of silence. I realised how my needs and wants as a four where directly influencing how I related to other people….I was simply giving them what I would have wanted and needed to feel loved. I was amazed to find that when given the space to simply ‘be’ her quiet self, Sethu began to open up and trust me more…she even started talking to me a little about her life. So this experience has significantly changed my perception of those prospective fives who don’t always find my constant chatter charming. I like to think I have learnt to harness my energy more so that I don’t overwhelm these types of people with loads of information that quite frankly, they just might not care about.😱😲

Ummm..can you believe it? I’m still not finished……but I’ll be back tomorrow with more incessant chatter….

Thursday tomorrow!!!

Have a great day!