Approximate reading time: 5 Minutes

Well as fate would have it, no sooner than I finished the last blog post, I got a message from my estate agent saying that the tenant will sign for a year…..so disaster averted I’m back in my happy place:-)

All that worry and angst…for nothing I tell you!

It made me smile when I thought about a comment one of my head teachers made to me years ago. I was worried about something or the other, snowballing into the future with all the ‘what ifs’ of the situation we had at hand when he simply said:

That stopped me in my tracks.

Of course, we all know it’s NEVER ME doing all that borrowing…. that is completely Neurotic Angels department;-)

Neurotic Angel has spent years, DECADES borrowing, begging and stealing neatly BAGAGED worries!

I mean that’s her job!!

Her job is to worry about everything so that she can preclude ANY unforeseen catastrophe from tsunaming – the shit- outa my happy little world!

I have learnt that she has a protective function….so I try not to judge her too harshly these days.

But I do love that little phrase and it’s one I often find myself having to remind her,

(ever so lovingly of course!)

So I am happy to see that my bounce-back capacity has increased significantly these last couple of years:-) But of course, it does always help when I have an adorable dog to look after. This is my second time looking after Beautiful Bertie!

I know, I know you shouldn’t have favourites…..

But Bertie is soooo loveable.

(Just look at that little face!)

Plus, I am sensing he has some deep attachment and abandonment issues-

He follows me everywhere.

He is also constantly crawling into my lap, and he lets me smother him with kisses and cuddles continually.

(Like 24/7)

(I shudder to think of the emotional damage I would be doing- were he a real child!)

He also loves his walks, which is a HUGE bonus.

(It’s bloody hard trying to get myself enthusiastic about walking a dog when the dog itself hates going for walks……)

Did I mention how emotionally needy he is?

Lol and I love it!

A dog after my own heart!

Written the 10th February 2021

This is the 4th poem

I have written today

Fuuuuck I’m pissed off

My emotions need to splay

I left my gloves at home;

My hands feel numb

‘Aunt Flow’ is coming

(Good Lord, what fun!)

I arrived at my appointment

(In perfect time)

But where’s the building

I cannot find

I’ve been here so many

Times before

Why does nothing look familiar

Where’s the front door

Cheyne Street?

Yes!

(Am I going bloody mad?)

Oh my God

Light dawns,

I feel like such a cad

Cheyne Walk in Hendon

Is where I’m supposed to be

Not Cheyne Street in Kensington

What’s wrong with me

Fuck you, Google Maps,

Why didn’t you list Cheyne Street

I’m freezing cold

I need some bloody heat

I Google the correct postcode

(What I should have done from the start!)

It’ll take an hour to get there,

‘Shit!!!!’

Sinks my heart

So, I have to phone and cancel

60 quid down the drain

(I feel like an idiot
Enveloped in hot shame!)

Oozing frustration

My osteopath helps so much…

Honestly, that woman

Has the magic touch

She is that little bit of connection

In a world that’s gone cold

I always leave her office

A little more alive in my soul

Two years ago

I would have gone and bought smokes

A feeble attempt

All my frustration to choke

But Good to know

I’m now two years smoke-free

So, this is no longer an option

For little ol’ me

But my desire now

Is to binge on food

(Chocolate doughnuts will surely

Improve my sullen mood.)

More money will be wasted,

But hey, it’s a plan

(If chocolate doughnuts were on Facebook

I’d be their biggest fan!)

I resist the urge and spend the money on a cab

I just need to get home

I feel so incredibly sad

I remember thinking,

(So never going to happen

With this stupid Covid bug)

I crawl into bed

I sleep for an hour

(Sleep is the one thing that restores

Some agency of power)

My alarm goes off

I have an online session.

(The Last thing I feel like

Is teaching a lesson!)

My student is five

And so adorably cute

And after what happened next

Maybe rather emotionally astute

I’m not sure why

Or what made her say

But she said something

That absolutely made my day

She suddenly declared:

“Oh, I love you so

I want to give you a cuddle, you know!”

My heart just melted

My face beamed

I suggested we “hug”

Each other over our screen

So, we opened our arms

And hugged our laptops

When I pulled away, bless,

She still clung to the box

So, I am grateful that the universe

Heard my desire

And sent me a hug

(Even if through wires)

A small silver lining

To an exhausting day

I think I am finally finished

I have no more to say

Credits

(Ever so slightly edited) Tsunami Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay