Approximate reading time: 5 Minutes

Well as fate would have it, no sooner than I finished the last blog post, I got a message from my estate agent saying that the tenant will sign for a year…..so disaster averted I’m back in my happy place:-)

All that worry and angst…for nothing I tell you!

It made me smile when I thought about a comment one of my head teachers made to me years ago. I was worried about something or the other, snowballing into the future with all the ‘what ifs’ of the situation we had at hand when he simply said:

That stopped me in my tracks.

Of course, we all know it’s NEVER ME doing all that borrowing…. that is completely Neurotic Angels department;-)

Neurotic Angel has spent years, DECADES borrowing, begging and stealing neatly BAGAGED worries!

I mean that’s her job!!

Her job is to worry about everything so that she can preclude ANY unforeseen catastrophe from tsunaming – the shit- outa my happy little world!

I have learnt that she has a protective function….so I try not to judge her too harshly these days.

But I do love that little phrase and it’s one I often find myself having to remind her,

(ever so lovingly of course!)

So I am happy to see that my bounce-back capacity has increased significantly these last couple of years:-) But of course, it does always help when I have an adorable dog to look after. This is my second time looking after Beautiful Bertie!

I know, I know you shouldn’t have favourites…..

but Bertie is soooo loveable.

(Just look at that little face!)

Plus I am sensing he has some deep attachment and abandonment issues-

he follows me everywhere.

He is also constantly crawling into my lap and he lets me smother him with kisses and cuddles continually. (Like 24/7)

(I shudder to think of the emotional damage I would be doing- were he a real child!)

He also loves his walks which is a HUGE bonus.

(It’s bloody hard trying to get myself enthusiastic about walking a dog when the dog itself hates going for walks……)

Did I mention how emotionally needy he is?

Lol and I love it!

A dog after my own heart!

Written the 10th February 2021

This is the 4th poem; I have written today.

Fuck it! I’m so pissed off my emotions need to splay.

I left my gloves at home; my hands feel numb.

‘Aunt Flow’ is coming.

(Good Lord what fun!)

I arrived at my appointment in perfect time.

Strange? Why’s it, the building I cannot find?

I’ve been here so many times before.

Why’s nothing look familiar?

Where’s the front door?

Cheyne street?

Yes!

(Am I going bloody mad?)

Oh my God light dawns,

I feel like such a cad!

Cheyne Walk in Hendon is where I’m supposed to be

Not Cheyne street in Kensington,

what’s wrong with me?

Fuck you google maps,

why didn’t you list Cheyne Street?

I’m freezing cold.

I need some bloody heat.

I google the correct postcode.

(What I should have done from the start!)

It’ll take an hour to get there,

‘Shit!!!!’

sinks my heart!

So, I have to phone and cancel.

60 quid down the drain.

(I feel like an idiot enveloped in red hot shame!)

Oozing frustration,

my osteopath always helps so much…

Honestly, that woman has the magic touch.

She is that little bit of connection

In a world that’s gone cold.

I always leave her office

a little more in touch with my soul.

Two years ago, I would have just gone and bought smokes.

A feeble attempt my frustration to choke.

But Good for me,

I’m now two years smoke-free,

So, this is no longer an option for me.

But my desire now is to binge on food.

(Chocolate doughnuts will surely improve my sullen mood.)

More money will be wasted,

but hey it’s a plan!

(If chocolate doughnuts were on Facebook I’d be their biggest fan!)

I resist the urge and spend the money on a cab.

I just need to get home,

I feel so incredibly sad.

I remember thinking,

(So never going to happen with this stupid Covid bug!)

I crawl into bed and sleep for an hour.

The one thing that restores some agency of power.

My alarm goes off.

I have an online session.

(The Last thing I feel like is teaching a lesson!)

My student is 5,

and so adorably cute.

And after what happened next,

maybe rather emotionally astute?

I’m not sure why?

Or what made her say.

But she said something that just made my whole day.

She suddenly declared:

“Oh, I love you so,

I want to give you a cuddle you know!”

My heart just melted, my face beamed.

I suggested we hug each other over our screen.

So, we opened our arms and hugged our laptops.

When I pulled away,

bless, she still clung to the box.

So, I am grateful that the universe heard my desire,

And sent me a hug,

(Even if through wires.)

A small silver lining to an exhausting day.

I think I am finally finished,

I have no more to say.

Credits

(Ever so slightly edited) Tsunami Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay