(Approximate reading time: 5 min)

It has been an interesting week. I feel like I have been flying sky high on the fumes of

a) My attachment studies

(which I am loving!)

b) The fact that I am blogging regularly

(Wohooo – Yayee meee!!!)

c) And that 13 days ago I finally found a tenant for my flat in South Africa.

(After 2 months of worrying about it….that was a HUGE relief!)

It’s funny how, when you are that ‘up’ you almost can’t even imagine feeling down ever again.

Yesterday my little joy bubble burst!

My estate agent messaged to say that the new prospective new tenant (who has been dragging their feet getting the application forms back) now only wants to take the flat for 6 months.

The deluge of frustration and anger and utter disappointment…

I would never have agreed to a six months lease had that been stated initially!

Hell, that’s usually the first question I ever ask when looking for prospective tenants, anywhere….

“How long are you looking to rent for?”

And yet, here we sit, 13 wasted-days-later…

I am proud of myself though….

I said “No”

I have just spent over R10 000 fixing that flat

(Where would we be without credit cards? )

and I sure as hell don’t want to be going through all of this in 4 months’ time again.

My last tenants, who were lovely, stayed for almost 4 year years.

But as always it seems like saying that little word, ‘No’ comes with a whole bucket of angst and worry!!

Neurotic Angel went for a loop-da-loop, with me, over analysing all the “What-nows” and

“What-ifs” and scolding me for not just being grateful and taking what I’ve been offered…

“I mean really Gayle surely 6 months is better than nothing!!”

I’m done bending my desires and wishes to fit into others!!

It is my flat….I get to decide what I am happy with.

(Good Lord, its hard work this ‘adulting’ shit!!!)

So it kind of hit me hard last night, mostly because I was angry and frustrated and just wished I could phone my parents and have a good moan.

It’s easy to take them for granted when they are there,

calling you all the time,

checking up on you…

driving you crazy….

But hell you miss it when it’s gone!

Anyway, maybe this just puts me in the perfect headspace to post the next two poems:-)

Written 10th February 2021

My dad would call me his lady of many moods.

(it’s true I have my doctorate in the art of feeling blue.)

It’s a gift, you know!

(Mastering melancholy)

Urggg imagine the horror, of perpetual jolly?

Imagine never seeing the world tinged dull grey.

or wondering how you’re going to get through the day?

Feeling genuine disconnect from everything you see.

Overwhelmed by sadness to the nth degree.

Don’t you just love those days that exhaust you to the core?

Don’t you just adore them,

and wish you could have more?

OK, I’m being facetious.

this is obviously not true!

It’s hard to find positives when you’re feeling blue.

But there is always a flipside that stays on my mind.

If you haven’t experienced hate,

can you really appreciate kind?

If you’ve never seen the grey

can you value the sparkling sun?

Without the experience of the mundane

can you appreciate simple fun?

So, I’ll just sit with my sadness.

it won’t be long I know

before it slowly dissipates

like gently melting snow.

The dazzling sun will once again eke its way in.

Calmness and joy will bubble up again…

Credits

Bubble Image by Willgard Krause from Pixabay

Girl Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

Beanie Man Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Boy Image by Shlomaster from Pixabay