Approximate Reading time: 8 min

Written 8th March 2021

I watched an old movie

late last night

which left me feeling

irritably contrite

Michelle Pfeiffer , Al Pacino

in “Frankie and Johnny”

pretty good reviews

as far as I could see

“The perfect love story,

for these troubled times”

“A feel-good romantic comedy!”

were some review lines

Made in 1991

I was absolutely appalled

masquerading as a love story

but not one at all

Instead, the hallmark beginnings

of a toxic relationship

I wanted to scream

“Frankie run!

This man is a shit!”

Johnny was charming & gregarious

admired by one & all

Fun to be around

(but he made my skin crawl)

Never respecting boundaries

or hearing Frankie’s NO

Like a dog with a bone

he wouldn’t let things go

At the end of their first date

he wanted a further invite

“Johny I really like you

but do we have to do ‘it‘ tonight?

“Yeah.”

was his answer

Frankie retorted

  “Who says?”

I couldn’t believe the bullshit

he then spun into her head

“I might not make it

to tomorrow”

he implored Frankie…

Oh Good Lord

Seriously?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Nothing like

E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L  B.L.A.C.K.M.A.I.L

on your first date

Not exactly the best quality

when looking for a mate

Then Frankie had a night out

planned with her friends

She requested some space

to simply be with them

Johnny was cool with that

(Until his plans fell through)

I mean what’s a lonely man

supposed to really do?

So he felt entitled & justified

to do what felt good for him

Even if it ruined her night

(on his oh-so-selfish whim)

Frankie’s anger & irritation

was so palpable to see

but instead of acknowledging it

Johnny then made a huge scene

“I love you Frankie

can’t you see?

We belong together

YOU are my dream!”

Frankie was obviously furious

I mean WTF would you say?

If you had been dating someone for exactly

…ONE day?

“Johnny

you don’t know me!”

What a brilliant point she made

And yet still she still

folded

she buckled

she caved.

Honestly, this scene

just made me cringe

How Johny manipulated her

how she became unhinged

It’s not like they had been dating

for 6 months before

had time to get to know each other

to really be sure

The love- bombing in this stupid movie,

was absolutely insane

“No one’ll ever love you like me”

oh, how ludicrously bane!

A narcissist will ‘love-bomb’

by wooing you with words

Bombard you with compliments

(more than you have ever heard)

“You’re the most beautiful girl

in the whole entire world“

“I’d die without you ….

that is for sure!”

“You are my everything,

you were made for me…”

“It’s written in the stars

how we were destined to be!”

And it’s the speed, the intensity

like a roller coaster ride

They will sweep you off your feet

it’s such a slippery slide

They’ll plan amazing holidays

enthusiastically whisked you away…

you’ll be the envy of your friends

& feel so enticed to stay

Their love and adoration

will give the most amazing lift….

they might shower you with

wonderous

generous gifts

Up onto a pedestal

you’ll feel so valued and seen

Up on your pedestal

you’ll feel like their queen

But it is simply a ploy

for them to gain control

They are playing on your weakness

Heartbreakingly

Frankie’d been abused in the past

making her cold and difficult

(hidden behind her own mask)

But abuse never starts with punches or kicks

it’s subtle and covert

as a narcissist lays their bricks

“Where are you going?

How long will you be?

I miss you so much

it drives me crazy.”

“You’re my everything,

my world,

don’t you see?

I’ll never survive

if you EVER leave me!”

In a world of dating

where so many ‘ghost’ & ignore

A narcissist’s love bombing

doesn’t seem like a flaw

You get so caught up in

their grandiose fantasy

sucked in by the ‘fairytale dream fallacy‘

So happy on your pedestal

(you ignore all the red flags)

How could anything this wonderful

EVER be bad?

As narcissism expert

Doctor Ramani explains

 it’s often this love bombing

that keeps people in chains.

When you fall off that pedestal

when the devaluing begins…

people spend years

trying to climb back up it again

“But when we met it was magic

The happiest time of my life

Maybe if I try harder

I will finally get things right?

Then he’ll see me like he did once before

The person that I so love

Will walk back through that door”

So sadly, people get stuck

for months and years

Horrible relationships

that are 90% tears.

That 10% passion

& romance by the book

is simply a very clever

narcissistic hook

Eish this movie hit a nerve!

(Can you tell?)

I should call this poem

the narcissistic death knell

Ok I know it’s JUST a movie

( I get they’re NOT real!)

Please forgive the level of irritation

I consequently feel

I’ve myself have fallen

down this very painful hole

So, I relate to the manipulation

the gaslighting and control

It pains me so much

that movies feed us this CRAP

from such a young age

we’re groomed for the narcissism trap

So, to be honest I barely watch

romantic comedies anymore

(This from a self-confessed addict

for four decades before.)

They now irritate the absolute shit out of me

“Oooh just wait for the right man to come rescue me.”

So, I’m not REALLY sure what point

I’m trying to make?

Maybe I’m just grateful that

I am finally awake?

Because how much cooler would it be

if I could climb my own wall

Be the hero in my story

not be afraid to fall

To know who I am

And to know

I am enough

To practice vulnerability

not have to pretend to be tough

To value someone who can first be a friend

Who will take the time to know me

and their own struggles transcend.

To let go of that belief

I need sparks when we meet

Or that I need another person to make me complete!