This morning I picked up an English children’s book called Bangkok Bob!
It’s about this little monkey that lives in the jungle who overhears two children talking about how, if you float down the river you will end up in Bangkok. The one little girl said Bangkok was the most exciting place ever, and that she loved visiting there. The other little girl said it was the noisiest, scariest place she had ever been to, and she hated it! And so little Bob decided to build a raft and go find out for himself because he just had to know!
Well to cut the story short the whole book is about his different experiences and how he veers from loving Bangkok to hating it!! I thought it was quite an appropriate read for me because it pretty much summed up what it feels like to be travelling alone, in your mid-30’s.

About a week ago I headed off to Vang Vieng, famously known to back backers as the place to go tubing. Lonely Planet describes it as a ‘sullied Eden or a hedonistic paradise’ that you either love or hate. Renown as the Party Town of Laos…I was positive I WAS GOING TO LOVE IT!

Vang Vieng

LOVE IT…

The 5-hour bus trip there was the most entertaining bus trip ever…namely due to a 50 something IndiaAmerican man called Ashok. MMMMMmmmmmm how to describe Ashok……from the moment we got in that minivan, the man did not shut up. The conversation started with him throwing 101 general knowledge questions at us and then progressed to other more sordid details about his life!
Like:
1. A couple of years ago he had an accident and was in a coma. The doctor had to do an operation whereby they replaced a large section of his brain with a piece of a dogs brain. Hence the reason he now howls like a dog most nights…(at which point he proceeded to show us his dog howling skills).
2. He is a pimp and a hustler…on his way to do some ‘hustling’ in Vang Vieng….(not true….later on found out that he was a limo and bus driver!)
3. He continuously told us about his exploits with the ‘honeys’…to the point that I had to remind him that he was in a car with ladies and that maybe he could leave out some of the distasteful details.
4. His mum doesn’t know he is travelling…and if she finds out where he is she is going to shoot him with a shotgun!
5. He never wants to get married to one honey, and he implored us many, many, many times with his Louis Armstrong voice: “Who in their right mind would EVER want to get married!!! Buy a house have kids…Who on earth would EVER want to do that???????? Hey??? (To which I repeatedly replied: Me!!! Me!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

There is nothing like being stuck in a confined space with a raving lunatic for 5 hours to make you bond with your fellow travel companions. (A Brother and sister from Minnesota, Carl and Rachel, and a chinses couple! ) We had the best time, talking and laughing, and no journey has ever gone so fast. We, however, learnt very quickly that Ashok was literally incapable of listening to other people talk. Honestly, he was like a 5-year-old! (in fact, that’s being a bit unfair to most 5-year-olds) So with the help of the trusty bell on my backpack (see Midget….I knew my bell would come in handy! And you MOCKED the bell!!!!!) we started a timing system whereby Ashok had to be quiet for 5 minutes, to allow someone else time to speak. ( I think the most he managed was 3 minutes) I have to admit my heart warmed to poor Ashok and you very soon realize that he probably did have that motorbike accident and has definitely suffered some form of brain damage! I think we all managed to see past his weirdness and bravado and have fun with him…but I’m pretty sure not all his travel companions would be as patient or sympathetic as we were.

Of course, that been said, when we arrived at Vang Vieng, I am very ashamed to admit that most of us in the bus, scattered with the speed of light, myself and the Americans included! And yes, I felt awful about that, but at the same time, with someone as intense and demanding as that…you just do not want to be staying in the same guest house. (especially if he is going to be howling like a dog ever night!)

So, well bonded with Carl and Rachel, (my new found ‘posse’;-) we headed off for a hostel called The Spicy Loa. (Basically just a big barn with massive bunks in it!) I sensed that Carl and Rachel would have preferred to go somewhere a bit more upmarket…but I convinced them it would be a great way to meet people…especially as we were going to go tubing the next day and would need a ‘strooooooooooooooooong posse!
Vang Vieng is beautiful, with stunning mountains and gorgeous river views! Many of the restaurants play back to back episodes of ‘Friends’… it’s the perfect place to just chill. (assuming you like ‘Friends’ that is!) After dinner and a couple of drinks, we headed back to the Spicy Loa determined to get a good nights sleep, ready for our next day’s tubing!

Ha Ha Ha!

HATE IT:

Now it so happened that my bunk was situated right next to the ‘outside communal area’ where all the teen-twenties congregated after coming back from their night out! From 12 – 2 am I lay listening to deep (NOT), drunken conversation, with an overhead light shining directly in my eyes! Eventually, I got up and decided to go and watch a video in the mosquito and smoke filled TV room. At 4 am I crawled back into bed, just in time to hear the tail end of another drunken story that ended at 5.30am! Had about an hour and a half’s sleep and then the morning shift was up and talking! I spent most of the night lying there cursing at myself, for being old enough to know better! Sleep is way more important than ‘posse’ hunting!!!

The next morning while discussing with Carl and Rachel what to do, one of the fellow Spicy Laos-ians commented: “You mean you went to bed without self-medicating??? Bad move dude!!”
Um yes clearly. We left right after breakfast.

Realization: I’m not twenty any more, and I like AND need my sleep!!!

LOVE IT…

After I had settled into my new gorgeous, clean guest house with panoramic views,

I headed off to meet Rachel and Carl. Was minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear Louis Armstrong, um sorry, Ashok bellowing my name. He was having breakfast and insisted that I have something to drink with him. I was still feeling quite guilty about deserting him the day before so I thought it was the least I could do. He insisted on buying me a drink and then even wanted to share his sandwich with me….bless, so sweet. I made a comment about him having a good heart to which he promptly replied: “I do not…I’m a bad boy!” The conversation then went back to the “Honeys” and all the hustling he was going to do that night! Needless to say, it was really hard to actually have a normal conversation with him, and without the backup of my ‘posse’;-) I felt a bit uncomfortable. Neurotic Angel was having a field day, of course, berating me for not trying ‘HARDER’ but after about 10 minutes I just had to leave.

Now as fascinating as Laos is as a country, for so MANY, MANY people that come here the tubing is the main attraction. In fact when I was in Thailand last year that was the ONLY reason to come to Laos!

Well, to be honest, it’s not so much the tubing that is the huge pull, but the 10 bars situated on the river bank that you visit on route down the river! (For those ‘veterans’ who aren’t too sure what ‘tubing’ is…you basically get given a tire tube, sign a piece of paper that says you won’t hold them liable if you lose an arm, a leg, or die….and then you float down the river!) So basically its a pub crawl on water! ( Apparently, a foreigner dies ever year, needless to say, because they are simply to inebriated!)

Every bar has its own theme, with water slides, swings, zip slides, mud baths, music blaring and a loads of free Loa Whisky shots! (free booze with teen-twenty somethings….probably not the wisest move) All the Whisky come in bottles filled with, bees, snakes, scorpions… When I heard that, I swore blind I would never drink any of them……but you do! When in Loa.
(not too many of course, wonderful, understanding parents!;-)

Well, I had a GREAT day deluding myself that I was 20 something again;-) I absolutely loved all the water swings. The first time I tried one, however, I kinda had a small problem with actually ‘letting go’. I held on sooo long that I ended up getting tangled up in the cord…the entire time screaming: “Carl, I can’t let go! I can’t let go!” (its dam high you know!;-) Visions of letting go and slicing my arm off in the process where not far from my neurotic mind!!

In the evening a group of us went out for dinner and at about 8.30, after which all the other ‘Teen twenty-somethings’ went out Loa clubbing….the ‘delusion’ finally shattered…. as I literally dragged my aching bones home.

Realization: I‘m not 20 any more!

HATE IT…

The next morning I woke up in the exact same position I had fallen asleep in, and in exactly the same amount of pain, I could barely move my neck or arms! (and the mild hangover didn’t help either!)
I stumbled over to Carl and Rachel’s place to say goodbye but they had already left! So ‘posse-less’ and alone I walked around lovely Vang Vieng wondering what I should do with myself for the whole day. I had planned on doing some caving but that was definitely out of the question! The problem with travelling alone is that you get used to being by yourself. Then all of a sudden you meet amazing people, have an incredible couple of days…and then just as quickly; they are gone. Now, what use to be the simple enjoyment of ‘ME time” turns into sheer and utter loneliness! The void just seems so much bigger!
None of this was made any better by the fact that Ashok moved in 2 guest houses away from me and kept calling me over, every time I walked past….demanding I sit down. I didn’t want to be rude, and I definitely didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I just did not have the energy to deal with him or his never-ending cigarette smoke!
And so with not much else to do, and still in pain, I spent most of the day watching the final series of friends…feeling incredibly miserable for myself! I decided that as much as I had wanted to do the caving…I just could not stand another day of trying to avoid Ashok again…and it would probably be best if I just moved on ASAP!

The following morning on my way out to Phonsovan Ashok was sitting in his usual place, outside the guest house! When I told him I was going to see the Plain of Jars (ancient giant stone jars that are believed to have been used for burials) he bellowed: “Why? Whats what’s wrong with you man!!! Don’t you like any fun stuff like sex???”
My answer was short and sweet….”Goodbye Ashok, it was lovely meeting you!”

Phonsovan

LOVE IT… 

The Plain of Jars is dated to the Iron Age (500 BCE to 500 CE)and during the bombing of Laos, (in the VIETNAM WAR;-) the Plain of Jars was, unfortunately, one of the most bombed areas. There are more than 90 different sights within the province of Xieng Khouang. Each site ranges from 1 up to 400 stone jars.

Excavations by archaeologists lead to the discovery of human remains, burial goods and ceramics around the stone jars supporting the general consensus that it was once a burial ground.
Lao local legend, however, claims that there was once a race of giants who inhabited the area. Their ancient king called Khun Cheung fought a long, victorious battle against his enemy and then supposedly created the jars to brew and store huge amounts of Lao rice wine to celebrate his victory.

(Um….I’m going to go with the burial sight theory!;-)
As of yet only 7 of the sights have been cleared of UXO for tourist visits. The jars were absolutely incredible to see…

We also went to look at the cave that was used as a medical hospital during the war…..it is literally littered with old medicine vials…..a very sad reminder of what sort of conditions so many Loa people had to live with.

Phonsavan itself is a rather plain, and dusty town….but the evidence of all the left over UXO throughout it was fascinating!

Luang Prabang

…..HATE IT!!! LOVE IT!!!

I arrived in Luang Prabang 4 days ago and I have a vague recollection of being pretty, bloody miserable. I was still struggling to meet people and still plain lonely …..as beautiful and gorgeous as this city is its often the most chilled out spots…that you struggle the most in. I did a tour the first day I arrived, with the hope of meeting some people…..and for the entire 4 hour boat ride to Pak Ou Caves….no one said a word! I sat there trying to convince myself to say ‘something’…. ‘anything’….but sometimes you simply get tired of always initiating conversation… feeling like you are this desperate lone traveller looking to latch on to anyone who will have them. The tour also included a trip to the Kuang Si waterfall which was absolutely incredible.

Of course I was surrounded by groups of travellers laughing, swimming and having the best time as I sat there trying to look happy and NOT  look like ‘Billy no mates” .Frustration then well up in me and I felt like yelling: “I have friends you know….lots of them….they just aren’t here right now…but they DO EXIST!!!”
Frustration was followed by ‘near teariness’ due to the fact that I had NOOOOOOO ONE to take a photo of me ….(Incredibly lame I know, but in the height of my “wow is me mood”….asking a stranger to take a photo of me, was paramount to wearing a T-Shirt that said….”LOOK I have no friends.”
Eventually, defiance set in and I snuck off and took a bloody photo of myself! Yes, I did! (Dad I think you will be proud)

My miserable mood was then put on hold for the evening…because I had met a couple of Aussie boys the night before and we had agreed to meet up for dinner. ( I washed my hair and everything!!!) After waiting for 30 minutes at our suggested meeting point…I had to concede that maybe I had been stood up!
It was at this point that “Billie no mates” dragged herself home and started this blog! I also managed to have a wonderful chat to Kels on skype…..(my skype angel who always manages to be there when I need her! She assured me I was loved and yes as I suspected I do have friends!)
I woke up the following morning cried my eyes out for and hour……and then snapped right out of it!

The last 4 days have been amazing! As always, no sooner than you give up on something it magically comes you! The day after my “self-pity meltdown” I went to another waterfall, Tad Sae, which was equally as beautiful as the one before.

Here I bumped into 2 English boys who I had seen at the Kuang Si waterfall the day before. We spent the afternoon together and then agreed to meet for drinks that evening. Luang Prabang has an extensive night market, from about 5 pm -10 pm. Its pretty amazing how these people set up, and take down, their stalls..every single day! I can’t imagine how they make a living though…because there is just so much of everything. I’m pretty sure if they sell one or two things a night that would be a lot. On my way out that evening, I decided to eat at one of the local food stalls and I ended up meeting a really lovely 42-year-old American man, Scott. He joined me and the English boys for a drink and it was a great night filled with ‘actual grown-up conversation’.

Yesterday I went to place called The Big Brother Mouse. It basically runs book programmes whereby they try and get Loa children reading. For two hours every day, “a lang” (The Loa nickname for all foreigners- because apparently, we are tall, have big noses and are white!) are invited to come and read storybooks to children. Imagine my surprise when I arrive there to discover not children…..but a room full of 16 – 23-year-old boys…all wanting to learn English! I ended up speaking to 3 boys, and just my luck one of them was a 23-year-old medical student who had his medical textbook with him. He wanted me to help with some of the translations. I did my best but let’s just say trying to explain the meaning of words like; symptoms, urine, diagnosis, pulmonary, venereal disease and haemorrhoids were definitely not easy, but entertaining as hell! ( to say the least!) I absolutely loved every minute of it! Working with adults is just so different from kids…..it got me thinking that maybe I might do a TEFLA Course (Teaching English as a foreign language) when I get home…and then come back and teach in Laos.

(Only joking mum and dad….I’m staying in SA!)

Last night I had dinner with Scott again…..more great conversation and absolutely ‘Incredible’ food! It was probably the most expensive meal I have had in Laos…but soooo worth it!
(No Melissa…I know what you are thinking….nothing romantic!;-)

Luang Prabang is just absolutely stunning, I planned on staying here for 2 days and ended up staying for 5! I absolutely love the gorgeously built guest houses (Most made with wood) and the stunningly, beautiful streets, I love the picturesque sunsets, and the children playing everywhere….I love the scenic Mekong river and the monks dressed in bright orange that seem to be everywhere! But most of all I have loved getting back to ‘me’ time and remembering that I don’t need people around me 247 just to be happy.

Realization: I’m so glad I’m not 20 any more!

Thanks for reading, love you all!
x

PS Mum if you double click on the pictures you can enlarge them!