(Approximate reading time: 5 min)
It has been an interesting week. I feel like I have been flying sky high on the fumes of
a) My attachment studies
(which I am loving!)
b) The fact that I am blogging regularly
(Wohooo – Yayee meee!!!)
c) And that 13 days ago I finally found a tenant for my flat in South Africa.
(After 2 months of worrying about it….that was a HUGE relief!)
It’s funny how, when you are that ‘up ‘, you almost can’t even imagine feeling down ever again.
Yesterday my little joy bubble burst!
My estate agent messaged to say that the new prospective tenant (who has been dragging their feet getting the application forms back) now only wants to take the flat for 6 months.
The deluge of frustration and anger and utter disappointment…
I would never have agreed to a six-month lease had that been stated initially!
Hell, that’s usually the first question I ever ask when looking for prospective tenants, anywhere….
“How long are you looking to rent for?”
And yet, here we sit, 13 wasted days later…
I am proud of myself though….
I said “No”
I have just spent over R10 000 fixing that flat
(Where would we be without credit cards? )
and I sure as hell don’t want to be going through all of this in 4 months’ time again.
My last tenants, who were lovely, stayed for almost 4 years.
But as always it seems like saying that little word, ‘No’ comes with a whole bucket of angst and worry!!
Neurotic Angel went for a loop-da-loop, with me, over analysing all the “What-nows” and
“What-ifs” and scolding me for not just being grateful and taking what I’ve been offered…
“I mean, really Gayle surely 6 months is better than nothing!!”
I’m done bending my desires and wishes to fit into others!!
It is my flat….I get to decide what I am happy with.
(Good Lord, it’s hard work this ‘adulting’ shit!!!)
So it kind of hit me hard last night, mostly because I was angry and frustrated and just wished I could phone my parents and have a good moan.
It’s easy to take them for granted when they are there,
calling you all the time,
checking up on you…
driving you crazy….
But hell, you miss it when it’s gone!
Anyway, maybe this just puts me in the perfect headspace to post the next two poems:-)
Written 10th February 2021
My dad would call me
His lady of many moods
(It’s true I have my doctorate
In the art of feeling blue)
It’s a gift, you know!
(Mastering melancholy)
Urggg imagine the horror
Of perpetual jolly
Imagine never seeing
The world tinged dull grey
Or wondering how you’re going
To get through the day
Or feeling disconnected
From everything you see
Overwhelmed by sadness
To the nth degree
Don’t you just love those days
That exhaust you to the core
Don’t you just adore them
Don’t you wish you had more
OK, I’m being facetious
This is obviously not true
It’s hard to find positives
When you’re feeling pretty blue
But there is always a flipside
That stays on my mind
If you haven’t experienced hate
Can you really appreciate kind
If you’ve never seen the grey
Can you value the sparkling sun
Without the experience of the mundane
Can you appreciate simple fun
So, I’ll just sit with my sadness.
It won’t be long, I know
Before it slowly dissipates
Like gently melting snow
The dazzling sun will once again
Eke its way in
Calmness and joy
Will bubble up again…
Credits
Bubble Image by Willgard Krause from Pixabay
Girl Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay
Beanie Man Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
Boy Image by Shlomaster from Pixabay